


Desperado

by FandomDivergentChildofAkyls



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Orphanage, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Angst, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes is a dumbass, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Daddy Kink, Demisexuality, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talking Bucky Barnes, Dom Bucky Barnes, Erotic Podcasts, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Secrets, Fifty Shades of Grey Bashing, Genital Piercing, Hard and Soft Limits, Idiots in Love, Kink Exploration, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nipple Piercings, Oblivious Bucky Barnes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Relapsing, Russian Bucky Barnes, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Safewords, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Smut, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Top Bucky Barnes, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:03:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 42,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomDivergentChildofAkyls/pseuds/FandomDivergentChildofAkyls
Summary: Your life is good, except you have three problems.One, you're a virgin. You also have very specific sexual tastes, which makes it kind of hard to find the right partners to accommodate your needs. You're also a demisexual, which means you need to have a strong emotional attachment to someone before sleeping with them. The erotic podcast that you do on the side (and that Bucky Barnes totally doesn't listen to), isn't helping either.Two, you're in love with James Buchanan Barnes.Three, James Buchanan Barnes doesn't like you.When you ask to explore your sexuality with the man, will his feelings change? Will your feelings get hurt?And will Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff ever convince Bucky to look at his feelings towards you and get his head out of his ass?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 105
Kudos: 152





	1. Lists, Podcasts, Number Ten and Seven

**Author's Note:**

> | Hi everybody! Just a note, bold and italics are for the Reader's erotic podcast, which shows up in this chapter. Some praise kink, degradation kink, daddy kink, and a tad bit of spanking for the podcast scenario. Also, some oblivious!Bucky, and a little bit orgasm denial during their phone sex.
> 
> | Please remember when going into these types of relationships that you're both consenting adults and please, please be Safe, Sane, and Consensual. And as always, please, please have a verbal and nonverbal safeword. Be safe out there.
> 
> | Happy reading!

“You really think he’ll do it?” You were nervous. Nervous couldn’t explain your emotions right now. It had been a chilly evening that October, and you were bundled up. Sam looked at you and sighed. “I don’t want to weird him out even more. I mean, he isn’t really fond of me, to begin with.”

“Babygirl, I know for a fact he’ll do it. I know he ain’t fond of you, even though I don’t know how anyone _wouldn’t_ be fond of you, but he’ll do it.” Sam reassured you. You took another bite of your chocolate chip cookie, sighing. 

The two of you were at a house party. Tony Stark’s house party, to be more precise. The billionaire was throwing one of his over the top parties again. You wondered why he’d even bother to invite you. You weren’t rich or anything. All you did was a job as a stripper at a strip club, and you did an erotic podcast on the side. You didn’t hate either of your jobs, in fact, being a stripper was quite nice. Pay would bounce around depending on how much money you made. And most of the time, customers were nice. Most of the time. It came with the job. You had a natural knack for dancing. Dancing was one of those things that you could do without question.

Your podcast, on the other hand, was the reason _why_ you were in this mess to start with. 

That led to three problems.

One, you were a virgin. Usually, it didn’t bother you. But right now it did. Your sexual tastes made it hard to choose partners. And, not to mention, you were a demisexual, which meant that you needed an emotional bond with someone in order to sleep with them. 

Two, you were in love with James Buchanan Barnes. It wasn’t cutesy, oh my god you’re so attractive and I have a crush on you love. No. It was an I love everything about you, the way your eyes sparkle when you smile, or I love the way you laugh kind of love. It was that deep kind of love that made you freeze whenever you saw him. And you were getting tired of having to bawl your eyes out at night over him.

And finally, that led you to three. 

Bucky Barnes was not a fan of you. At all. You didn’t understand why the other male treated you coldly. You didn’t get it. But, you took it in stride. At least you saw him, whenever you got to see him. You still treated him with the same fairness you showed everyone in your life. 

And really, you just wanted to figure your sexuality out. You knew what you were comfortable with. But there was no one other than Bucky that you felt an emotional connection to actually sleep with. Besides, you knew Bucky didn’t like you, so even if he agreed to do this with you, the two of you could just treat it like a normal sub/dom relationship, without any feelings involved.

But you’d be lying if that didn’t hurt a little bit. 

You took another bite of your cookie, munching on it. People around you were socializing, even drinking. It was a nice soother over the nerves that were starting to bubble over you. 

“But what if he isn’t into it? What if he says no?” You asked fearfully. Sam looked at you, taking a sip of his champagne, before putting it down. 

“Babygirl, I’ve worked with that annoying tin man for years now. Ever since we’ve come out of the army together, he’s always been into that stuff. And from what I’ve heard from Sharon, I guarantee that he’s capable of doing that nasty stuff with you.” You shot him a glare. Sam snickered, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Just kidding! But Barnes is more of a visual guy, so… you got anything? Like a list?” Sam suggested. You nodded. You had prepared for this. Slipping into your jacket pocket, you pulled out a nicely folded piece of paper, handing it over to Sam. He opened it, gazing down at the list. It was nicely separated into what looked to be soft and hard limits. Sam was knowledgeable with on the surface knowledge of BDSM. Soft limits were limits you were interested in doing, and hard limits were just a big no-no. As he looked down further, he saw the little list you had written down. Number one, especially. Barnes could definitely do that.

“Oh my…” Sam gasped. He knew you were into more sexual things, but he didn’t know you were this much of a sinner. You gulped down some of your champagne to assure yourself. And to keep your anxiety at bay. 

“You think he’ll do it, Sam?” You asked. Sam looked at you and grinned. 

“Girl, from what I’ve heard from Natasha, he can definitely do all this. Especially number one. He loves number one from what I’ve heard. Oh yeah, he can definitely do all this.” 

  
  
  


James Buchanan Barnes didn’t want to be here. Parties just weren’t his thing. But his best friend, Steven Grant Rogers, like the lovable dumbass he was, and Tony’s fiancée, convinced him to come. Dressed in a nice button-down shirt, jeans, and a jacket that kept him warm, he sipped his champagne. The music was blaring around him as he heard people laughing and talking. A burst of certain laughter caught his attention. Sam. 

The former pararescue airman was sitting next to you, the two of you huddled close as he saw you sipping your champagne.  
  
You. 

Bucky Barnes wasn’t a fan of you. He didn’t hate you. He didn’t dislike you. He just had a feeling about you. He couldn’t explain what it was that drew him towards you. 

He knew that Sam was best friends with you. He knew that Talia was best friends with you. Heck, he was best friends with Talia, and he was even friends with Sam, even if the man pissed him off sometimes. His blue eyes continued to study you. You looked like you were wearing a low cut dress that fell just above your knees, with a bubble jacket on. Your small, stiletto heels rocked against the chair. 

Bucky swallowed. He could feel his pants tightening. This was why he wasn’t a fan of you. You did things to him. Things he couldn’t understand. But the man continued to watch as you laughed at something Sam had said. 

Bucky hadn’t had a submissive in months. Not since Dot. Dot was a nice girl and was a good submissive, but their relationship didn’t last. They left on good terms, and last he heard, Dot had found another dominant that treated her nicely. He was happy for her. But still, he kept looking at you. He watched as you pulled something out of the pocket of your bubble jacket, handing it to Sam. Sam’s eyes widened, and he saw his lips moving as the man gasped. He watched as Sam looked down the list before you said something to him. Then, Sam smirked. 

_That wasn’t good._ Whenever Sam Wilson smirked meant he was up to no good. Bucky got up from his seat, walking towards the two of you. Your champagne glass had hidden your face as your lips were brought up into a smile. Sam was snickering about something, Bucky didn’t know.

“What are you two cackling about?” Bucky asked. You gulped down the rest of your champagne, eagerly grabbing a cookie. You munched on a little bit before answering him with a small smile. 

“Just the normal stuff, James. You want a cookie?” You replied, holding out a cookie.  
  
Oh, and you also called him James. He didn’t know why, but whenever you called him that, he felt himself relaxing, just a bit. You also called him Bucky. He didn’t mind that either. Everyone called him Bucky. But when you called him James, it just felt different. It felt right. 

“Come on girl, you know Buck don’t eat cookies.” Sam snickered. Bucky glared at him, a metal hand shooting out to accept the cookie. You slipped it into his hand. He felt your hand brush over the metal palm, a shiver running down his spine. 

He hated the power you had over him. He was going to be a mess because of you. God, he wished he was listening to that podcast now. At least the podcaster knew what to do. The podcaster knew what he liked. He really was a mess. Bucky munched on the cookie. You swallowed, wishing you had another glass of champagne. Your nerves were beginning to act up again. Sweat was beginning to build on your forehead. You were going to need to masturbate once you got home from work. Maybe a cold shower or two. 

God, sometimes you hated Bucky Barnes. 

“Go on. Ask him,” Sam encouraged you. Bucky had a confused look on his face. 

“Ask me what?” He replied. You licked your lips nervously, hand slipping back into your pocket, pulling out your list. You were pretty sure your hand was trembling. Finally, you studied the man in front of you. Bucky was wearing a dark button-up shirt, two buttons left undone, showing the barest of bronze-kissed skin, his black jeans hugging his thighs. Unlike most of the partygoers, Bucky wore his boots. It certainly had got him an earful from Steve. His chestnut hair had been pulled into a man bun, which you found yourself secretly liking whenever he had it up like that. His blue eyes were boring into yours.

“I’ve… been stumbling with something lately. It’s nothing too tragic! Just um… I trust you to help me with it the most.” You stammered with your words. Bucky always left you tongue-tied. Sam couldn’t help it, this was entertaining him. He mentally thanked Natasha for convincing you to go on with this crazy little plan. The redheaded woman was the whole entire reason why you had written up the list in the first place. She knew of your crush on Bucky, and along with Sam, was determined to get you and Bucky together. A metal hand wiped off the cookie crumbs on his pants and took the folded piece of paper from your trembling hands. He opened it. 

His throat went dry. His dick shot up. 

In nice, separated sections were a list of your soft and hard limits. As his eyes raked down lower, he saw a list of things that were classified as **BUCKET LIST**. 

One of your soft limits was medical play. So you liked piercings, huh? That was interesting.

“So… will you help me? W-With my list?” You stammered nervously, your throat becoming dry. 

He would do it. He’d do all the things on your bucket list. Then, he’d try out your soft limits with you. Your hard limits covered his own. Holy fuck, you were perfect for him. By the grace of God himself, your phone started ringing. You heard the slowed version of Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande. There was only one person who had that ringtone. 

_Natasha motherfucking Romanoff._ Aka, the bitch who got you into this mess. You scrambled to your bag, pulling out your phone. 

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked casually, trying not to freak out. 

“Darcy can’t make it tonight. Can you cover her shift?” You heard Natasha ask. You frowned. Today was usually your day off from the club. You worked Tuesday-Sunday. It was the only reason why you enjoyed Mondays, unlike most people. But then again, your job wasn’t a normal job. You pitied people who had work Monday-Friday.

“Um, yeah. I’m already dressed, just- let me get home real quick to put some makeup on. Uh-huh. Yeah…” You snuck a look at Bucky, who was still looking at your list. Then, he looked up at you, his blue eyes completely black. You swallowed, the wetness beginning to pool at your legs. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have chosen Bucky. But Bucky was the only person you felt an emotional connection enough to do this with. There would be nobody else. 

“... hey you still there?” You snapped out of it. 

“Y-Yeah. I’m still here. You need me to cover the eight-one, right? I can do it tonight.” You replied.  
  
“Yeah. Hey- when you get here, tell me if you gave Yasha the list. I wanna know the details.” You could hear Natasha smirking through the phone. You blushed right down to your stilettos. Sam caught your blush and snickered. You flipped him off. 

“Yeah- I will. Alright, okay. Okay, thanks- bye.” You hung up, shoving your phone into your pocket, grabbing your purse. 

“Sorry guys- I gotta go to work. Gonna cover a shift. Um, Sam…” You trailed off nervously. Sam patted your back in reassurance, squeezing your shoulder gently. 

“Don’t worry Babygirl, I’ll convince him. Don’t you worry your pretty lil head bout' it girly.” Sam replied. You breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You kissed his cheek and grabbed your bag, beginning to jog out of the huge backyard to your car. Sam, and Bucky through his metal hand, waved you off. Once you left, Bucky looked at Sam and inhaled deeply. He was pretty sure he was close to getting blue balls. He didn’t know you were a virgin. He didn’t know you had such deep sexual tastes, either. Was that why you were a virgin? Oh god, did the BDSM community fail you? Shit, now he _really_ needed to listen to that podcast. 

“She wants you to take her virginity, man. You’re the only one she trusts.” Sam said. Bucky gave him a confused look. “What do you mean, I’m the only one she trusts?” He replied. Sam sighed, grabbing a nearby glass of champagne, drowning it in one gulp. 

“She’s demisexual. She only wants sex from people she’s got an emotional connection to. She’s in love with you. That’s why she asked you. Well, it was you, and then Thor. And then maybe Loki. I told her to go with you, though. Emotional connection and all.” Sam shrugged at the last part. Bucky scowled. 

“You what?” Sam threw his hands up in the air. 

“Look, man. You wanna do the list with her or not? If not, she’ll go to Thor or Loki next. Or worse, _both of them_ at the same time.” Sam shuddered at that. Bucky growled, his metal plates on his arm shifting as it moved. 

“No. I’ll do the list with her. I’ll do everything on it, except for her hard limits. We’ll- we’ll have to make a contract and figure out a safe word and everything.” Bucky sighed. 

He was going to be a dom again. Being a dom was wonderful. It gave him control. After serving as a sergeant in the army, he had come back with PTSD. The dreams were horrifying at first, but eventually, he cleaned up and went to therapy. Got meds to control his PTSD. Went back into society slowly. He’d be three years clean this year. He was proud of his hard work. BDSM gave him an escape. Helped clear the rest of his mind that wasn’t quite cleared out yet. It made him happy. He took care of each and every one of his previous subs, which included aftercare. Aftercare was essential, no matter who you were. Even if you were vanilla. But if you were into BDSM, the aftercare was just as important. Anyone who didn’t do aftercare after a scene disgusted him. If Bucky hated anyone more in the BDSM community, it was fake doms. Fake doms who didn’t take care of their subs, or didn’t provide aftercare to their submissives. 

So basically, Christian Grey. If that man was real, Bucky would’ve loved to beat the shit out of him. Fifty Shades of Grey disgusted him to his very core. It painted the BDSM community in such a horrible light. Not everyone was mentally damaged. There were perfectly normal people who practiced BDSM. Bucky knew a couple of people like that in the community. 

Oh, if only he had money to sue EL James. Maybe he’d get Tony to do it. The thought amused him.

A thought came back to him. 

“Wait, what do you mean, she’s a demisexual?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. 

“She only sleeps with people who she forms an emotional connection to. You’re the only one she’s felt a connection deep enough to do this. She’s in love with you, man.” Sam replied. Bucky stared at him in shock.

 _Out of everyone, you had chosen him._ For some reason, that made him feel oddly giddy and greedy. Prideful. He soaked in the fact that out of everyone, out of fucking Thor and Loki, you had chosen him.

“She’s- she’s what?”  
  
 _In love with him? You?_ _  
__  
_Well, that explained a lot of things. Sam gave him a look that said, really?  
  
“In love. With you. Geez, Barnes. I knew you were a lot of things, but I didn’t think being a dumbass was one of them.” Bucky sent him a heated glare. Sam just snickered. This was much better than HBO. 

“Shit.”  
  
“Yeah. So, when are y’all gonna start? I mean, there’s a medical kink there, you gonna let her pierce your dick?” Sam asked. 

“Sam.”  
  
One more, and then he’d stop. 

“Did you see the one where she put down a metal arm kink?”  
  
“Sam!”

You had gotten home and put some makeup on before driving to the club. It hadn’t opened yet. You slipped in through the backdoor, where Natasha was waiting for you. 

“So? How’d it go? With Yasha?” Natasha asked. You put your purse in your little nook that all the dancers had, blowing a piece of hair out of your face before answering. 

“Fine.” You replied as you slipped off your stilettos that you had worn to the house party, putting on your dancing shoes. They were six-inch platforms. To the normal person, they would’ve been horrifying to dance in. But to you, they were a piece of cake. As long as people broke them in properly, dancing would be a piece of cake.

Natasha gave you a look that said she wasn’t buying it. You sighed. 

“I don’t know, I mean- Sam said he’d try to convince him but… if he says no, I’ll have to go to Thor or Loki next and… I really don’t want to do that.” You admitted quietly. Natasha walked over and hugged you. She knew of your demisexuality, she had been the first to know when you had come out to her when the two of you were in college together. It had been you, crying into a tub of ice cream as you explained how, with your then-boyfriend at the time were talking about having sex together, but you just couldn’t. He called you many things. Unavailable. That since you were his girlfriend, you should’ve been ready to have sex with him. It had hurt you. Luckily, he never got to force you to do anything, because your right swing slammed right in his face before you broke it off with him. Then you did research. 

_Demisexuality is where someone will only feel sexual attraction after an emotional bond is formed._

You never had an emotional connection with your ex-boyfriend. Not that you didn’t love him, you had. But the emotional connection just wasn’t there. Natasha had been your roommate at the time. You had cried in the tub of chocolate ice cream that Natasha had gotten from out of the freezer, and you had come out to her. Natasha, being the amazing roommate and best friend, simply hugged you. 

“It’ll be okay. Just hang in there.” Natasha replied softly to you. You nodded. That made you feel a little bit better. God, you loved Natasha Romanoff so much. 

“What would I ever do without you, Romanoff?”  
  
When you had gotten home, you were exhausted. It was two in the morning. Natasha had given you tomorrow off, so you could stay and rest. Tonight, you had gotten around five hundred and ten. Opening your laptop to the website you did your podcast on, you pulled up the donation account, seeing the amount of money you had wracked up since the last podcast. 

Good. You’d be stable for the next few months, at least. Rent would be paid. Bills would be paid. Good. You breathed out a sigh of relief. 

Oh, right. The podcast. You needed to upload the newest one. Going to your audio files, your mouse clicked the top recent audio file, and you quickly typed in the URL. Humming to yourself, you uploaded the file onto the website, pasting the link for the donation account. Clicking publish, the newest episode was uploaded. You yawned. 

_A shower. You needed a shower._ Closing your laptop, you shoved it away from you and kicked off your platform heels, and walked into the bathroom to shower. 

_Ding._ Bucky pulled out his phone. 

The podcast had been updated. The woman had uploaded a new episode. Bucky wondered why it was taking much longer than usual for the podcasts to be up. Then, he mentally smacked himself. The podcaster could have a full-time job. They had a life. He shouldn’t be so greedy. 

The podcast listening started after Dot. Bucky’s life had become hectic since he worked for Stark Industries. After Tony had made him his new metal arm after he lost it during his time in the army, Bucky had to forego physical therapy for his new arm. It had taken him a while to reconnect those missing pieces of himself again. He attended his therapy, and a new mechanic position had opened up. Having a background in mechanics, Bucky applied for the position. It had taken a month, but Bucky had gotten the job. Now he saw Steve and Tony on a daily basis. As well as Sam Wilson. He and Sam did therapy for other war veterans that suffered from PTSD. Sometimes Steve would join in. It was nice, being able to relate and help others like him. That was all Bucky wanted, to bring in good into the world, amongst all the bad. 

Pulling out his Bluetooth headphones from his drawer, he connected them to his phone. He found that headphones were much more intimate than just using his earphones. Plus, it provided a better experience. Stripping out of his clothes he had worn to the party, he laid on his bed, naked. He clicked the notification, and placed his phone on his bed, away from him. He pressed play. Suddenly, there were a few beats of silence. Then, he heard the voice he loved so much. 

**_“Hi, daddy.”_ **

Bucky hissed, his eyes closing. The podcaster’s voice was able to send him into dom headspace, just like that. That was what got him addicted to the podcast in the first place. 

**_“I wore the little black dress you wanted. No bra, no panties. So you can play with me under the table. I know you like that. Playing with me. I wore the nice heels too. The ones with red underneath them. Don’t worry, I’ll keep them on when you bend me over the table when everyone’s gone.”_ **

A growl escaped his lips. The podcaster sounded like they were going to be a brat tonight. Smug, light, and innocent. He heard shuffling, like the podcaster was moving around in their seat, like in the scene. Bucky groaned, his cock already hard. 

**_“Huh? What was that? I didn’t hear whatcha said, daddy.”_ **

Bucky could hear the smugness in their tone. It made him snarl. If he was there, he would’ve put them in their place. Remind them who their dom was. A hand wrapped around his cock, and Bucky hissed as he felt the precum dripping on his fingers already. He didn’t know how he was going to survive the entire episode if he was already like this. 

He heard more shuffling and a sharp cracking sound. It sounded like a spanking sound. Bucky licked his lips, a shudder escaping him. She was getting punished. Good. Slowly, his hand slid up and down his length, hisses escaping his lips as he felt his cock getting harder. It made his body begin to arch off the bed. 

**_“A-Ah! I-I’m- I’m sorry, daddy. No. I’m a good girl daddy, I’m your good girl..”_ **

The podcaster panted and a whimper escaped their lips. Bucky heard a deep shudder that vibrated in his ears, traveling down to his dick. Bucky groaned, slowly stroking his cock a little faster. His mind was swimming. Thoughts of the party resurfaced. Your list. Bucky let out a deep groan, fisting his cock as a shudder left his mouth. 

**_“I’m sorry daddy… I’ve just missed you so much…”_ **

Another loud smack echoed and he heard her cry out again. He heard the podcaster pant again as if trying to regain her breath. He imagined your eyes to be wide with shock as you turned around, looking at him. 

_Wait, where the hell had that come from?_ Bucky panted, eyes snapping open. He paused the podcast, trying to get his breathing under control. No, he was just listening to the podcast. That was it. 

But he couldn’t stop. The list came back. Bucky swallowed. He could just finish the podcast. But his thumb exited out of the app for the podcast, going into his contacts, clicking on your number. Then, he clicked the call button. 

You hadn’t gotten much sleep after your hair had dried and you had changed into your tank top and pajama pants. You couldn’t help but think of Bucky, and the list. What if he said no? What if Sam hadn’t been able to convince him? If Sam hadn’t been able to convince him, maybe Natasha would? You knew the redheaded woman and him were close, almost like siblings. Turning over, you were about to watch something on YouTube on your phone, before your phone flashed with a caller ID that said, **_James Buchanan Barnes._ **

_Bucky._ Your thighs grew damp, making you swallow as your finger hovered over the green button. But you mustered your courage and clicked the green button. 

“Hello?”  
  
“Evening, doll.” His voice was deeper, rougher. It made dolts of electricity run through your body, making your breath catch in your throat.  
  
“Bucky, hi. Um… about the list,” your voice was soft.  
  
“Mmm, what about it doll?” Bucky rasped. You paused for a second, trying to find the words. 

“U-Um… I understand if you don’t wanna do it… I mean, Thor or Loki was next on my list so…” your voice was meek, quiet. Bucky’s lip curved from the other line, his eyes darkening.

“No. I’ll do the list for you. You understand what you’re getting yourself into, right? Because once you and I start, there’s no going back doll. I’ll do everything on your list, but once that’s done with, you and I are getting into the real deal. I just wanna make sure we’re both on the same page.” His voice had started out rough but became soft. Trust and communication, especially in a BDSM relationship, were very important. The dominant needed to communicate and make sure the scene was appropriate for the submissive beforehand. The submissive needed to communicate that their full consent for the scene was secure. It went both ways. Bucky always made sure he and his submissives were on the same page, twenty-four-seven. Always made sure he communicated with them. He took his BDSM relationships just as seriously as his job. 

“Yeah, I- wait, really? You’ll do the list with me?” Your surprised tone made him chuckle. You knew you had always wanted to go into a BDSM relationship after you started doing research on it a couple of years ago. You knew trust and communication, especially in a BDSM relationship, were important. With your sexuality, you often needed to be on the same page as your partner. And, with you being into BDSM, that factor soothed you. BDSM might’ve not been for everyone, but the fact that a BDSM relationship relied on trust and communication foremost before everything else gave you a sense of calm.

“Yeah. Our soft and hard limits are pretty similar. I think we’d work well together.” Bucky replied. That made you smile softly. Even a little giddy, but then you remembered he didn’t like you like that. But still, warmth spread through you as the thought that his tastes were similar to your own. At least it wouldn’t be too weird. If you ripped your heart out in the process, then it’d be okay. At least you’d be doing it with someone you could trust.

“That’s good. Wouldn’t we need to discuss a contract though?” You hummed, getting up to go to the kitchen. You turned the lights on as you opened your cabinet to get a cup. 

“We’ll have to go to dinner for that.” You nearly dropped your jug of milk you had gotten from the fridge.  
  
“I-I’m sorry?” You stammered, managing to put the jug of milk on the counter safely. 

“If we’re gonna do the list and have a BDSM relationship, we’re going to dinner. I wanna get to know you first.” Bucky replied. You nodded. That was fair. 

“Okay. Uh, when?” You asked.

“When do you usually have days off?” He replied. 

“Mondays.” You replied. 

“Just Mondays?” Bucky replied in shock. You giggled. Warmth spread to Bucky’s toes. His cock hardened again. He swallowed. 

“Comes with my job, Buck.” You replied swiftly. “But I have tomorrow off. So, tomorrow?” You asked as you poured your milk in your cup, gulping it down. 

“Tomorrow sounds good. Can’t sleep?” He chuckled. A laugh escaped your lips. 

“Sadly, no. My mind’s been… preoccupied. With work. And the list.” You sighed, running your free hand through your hair. You were hunched over your counter, thoughts swarming in your mind. You didn't want to tell him about the podcast.

“Oh. Um, where do you work?” Bucky asked.

“I work at a strip club with Natasha. The Red Room. You heard of it?” You replied as you finished your milk, placing your empty cup in the sink. You’d wash it later. You heard Bucky choke, making you snicker as you made your way back into bed. 

“The Red Room? You work there?” Bucky choked. He had heard of The Red Room. Ivan Romanoff, Natasha’s adopted father, owned the club. Ivan was a nice man, always helping out his girls whenever they needed anything. He was also very protective of them as well, a father figure for the girls who worked for him. 

“Yeah. That doesn’t… bother you, does it?” You asked fearfully as you slid your comforter over you. Many times in the past, whenever you mentioned your job, people sneered at you. They called you many names. A whore. Good for nothing. A sellout. One person even told you straight up in your face that your job was never going to get you a partner. That had stung. But you were always proud of your job. You loved going to the club and just doing your thing. The atmosphere welcomed you. You wouldn’t change your job for the world. 

“No. I just… wasn’t expecting that.” Bucky replied, still reeling in shock. You snickered. 

“What were you expecting?” You teased. Bucky chuckled from the other line. “Honestly? A boring office job.” That sent you laughing. Bucky continued to chuckle. 

“Nope, no boring office job for me. Sorry,” you teased him again. A smile was on your face. This was why you liked Bucky. With him, you didn’t need to pretend to be anyone else. You could be you, something that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“... so, your list.” His low, rough voice was back. You swallowed. _Was this what his dominant voice sounded like?_ _  
__  
_“Y-Yeah, what about it?” You cringed at the tone of your voice. Bucky smirked from the other line.

“You wanna get started?” He hummed. You paused. 

“How? There’s not much we can do, we’re not in the same room-” You started, but Bucky cut you off.

“Not number ten and number seven. That’s masturbation and phone sex, right?” Bucky questioned. A shaky breath escaped your lips, and the phone caught it, the sound echoing in Bucky’s ears. He growled lowly. You wet your lips. 

“Y-Yeah. So… how are we going to do this?” You asked quietly. Bucky chewed on his lip. Really, he had been teetering on being like he had been slapped on the face at your question or being annoyed. But then, he remembered- you were a virgin. You were demisexual. He was the only one you trusted enough to do this with. He needed to take it slow. 

“Well, for starters, what are you wearing?” He responded. 

“Um… my tank top. And my pajamas.” You replied nervously. Bucky hummed. 

“No bra?” he asked. “No,” you replied. 

“Good. Take off your tank top first.” You had put your phone down on your little nightstand, putting him on speaker as you took off your tank top, throwing it on the floor. 

“Finished?” Bucky asked roughly, his cock tightening in his hand. “Yeah. Anything else?” You spoke. Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Am I on speaker?” He asked. “Mhmm,” you replied.  
  
“I have my Bluetooth headphones on right now. You’re gonna need to scream for me for it to go through with you.” You spluttered, making Bucky snicker on the other line. 

“You’re such a little shit.” You snapped. Bucky chuckled. 

“Play with your nipples, doll. And don’t stop until I tell you to.” His tone was commanding, and you swallowed, a shaky breath exhaling out of your body as your fingers rolled and twisted with your nipples, a little whine escaping your lips. Your whine was picked up by your phone, and it echoed through Bucky’s headphones, making him snarl as he began stroking himself again. You played with them until they were hard, hearing Bucky’s pants from the other line. You could feel the slickness running down your thighs and you whined loudly, wanting to take your pajama pants off already. You were pretty sure your panties were soaked through. 

God, you hated James Buchanan Barnes over the power he held over you sometimes. 

“That feel frustrating? You wanna touch yourself, don’t you?” Bucky taunted you. A high pitched whine was your only response. Bucky grunted, gripping his cock harder as his hand moved faster.

“Stop.” A strangled noise left you. One that Bucky wanted to bend you over and spank you for.

“Take your pants off. Panties too.” Bucky growled. You threw your comforter away from you, fumbling to get your pants and panties off. Bucky heard the commotion, taking a deep breath. Between your list, the podcast, and number three and seven- he was so close to coming. 

“A-Anything else?” You stammered. 

“Put two fingers in your mouth. Get em wet, doll. Play with your nipples again, pretend they’re my teeth. And touch yourself. Slowly.” Bucky ordered. With one hand traveling down to your clit, your legs spread as a shaky breath escaped your lips. Two fingers slid into your mouth, wet sucking noises making their way into Bucky’s ears as he moaned at the sound.

Your wet fingers pinched at an already hardened nipple. You imagined his teeth scraping over it, more wetness pooling at your thighs as you imagined his canines. That made you swallow as you remembered seeing his canines on more than one occasion. Seeing them did not help your growing attraction to the man. And it certainly didn’t help you now. A strangled noise came from the back of your throat. 

“Mmm, I don’t think you’re being loud enough, doll.” Another strangled noise left you. 

“Keep makin’ that noise and I swear to fucking god I’ll bend you over the next time I see you,” Bucky growled. You whimpered. 

“B-But what if it’s in public next time?” You stammered, your fingers that were traveling down towards your legs now circled your clit. You moaned. The noise shot down to Bucky’s dick as his strokes became tugs, making him grit his teeth, which, you had heard. You slipped a finger inside your sloppering clit, a sigh of relief falling from your lips as your head laid back fully on your pillow. Good thing it was fluffy. Your head sank right in. It certainly helped with the experience. Slowly, you began pumping your finger in and out. 

_“Then I’ll take you to an empty room and bend you over where nobody's watching then.”_

_“Did you just speak Russian to me?”_ _  
__  
__“Did you just understand what I said?”_ _  
__  
_A cry left your lips as a second finger was plunged in. One that made Bucky tug on his cock faster, his breath becoming quicker. _That was a good sign,_ you thought. 

_“U-Um… yeah. Learned it from Natasha. C-Comes… a-ah, in handy,”_ you mewled. Bucky groaned, his tugs becoming faster. He imagined whispering dirty things in Russian in your ears beforehand. But knowing that you could completely understand him made it ten times more erotic. Yup, he was definitely going to use Russian with you from now on.

Except when Natasha was in the room. Or maybe Clint, because he knew some too. But around anyone else was free game as far as he was concerned. 

_“How many fingers you got inside you, doll?”_ Bucky moaned. _“T-Two,”_ you gasped out.

 _“Ah… mmm… add another for me. Go faster. I want us to come at the same time, understand?”_ Bucky growled. A third finger was slipped in as your pace increased. So did the pinching on your nipple, which made you go faster, tears pooling at your eyes. You were getting close. 

“B-Bucky, I’m getting close,” you whined. 

“No,” you heard him growl. “You’ll come when I do, understood? I’ll make you wait all night if I have to, work be damned doll.” You whimpered. A choked gasp came from you as Bucky sped up, and you could hear his grunts becoming faster. 

“Ah, shit doll- come on, come with me, _now,_ ” He groaned. You cried out, your body arching as your walls clamped around your fingers, a mournful whine falling from your lips as you panted softly, trying to recatch your breath. Bucky panted from the other line as he disconnected his headphones, throwing them onto his bed and grabbing it with his clean hand. You slowly rose out of bed, grabbing your phone with your free hand as you wobbled out of bed. You grunted. 

“Fucking hell James,” you grumbled as you walked into the bathroom, cleaning yourself off. Bucky did the same in his bathroom, only he was laughing.

“Oh shut up!” You snapped. He only laughed harder, making your heart pound. You slipped your panties and pajama pants back on, sighing at the softness. Your back thumped back onto the bed as your head sank back into your fluffy pillow. 

“Bucky. It’s late. You got work tomorrow, don’t you?” You giggled. Your phone said three o’clock, right on the dot. Shit, then you had been having phone sex for over an hour? 

_Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw._

_“I heard that.”_

_“Fuck.”_ You took him off speakerphone as he chuckled. 

“Get some sleep, Barnes.” You grumbled. 

“Alright, alright. Goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight, Bucky.” The line went dead. Your phone fell back onto your nightstand. A shit-eating grin appeared on your face. James Buchanan Barnes was going to do your list with you. If you got your heart ripped out in the process, then that was fine. At least you’d go out with a bang, right?  
  
Grinning, you turned over, turning off your lamp, and fell asleep.

_Yup. Natasha and Sam were gonna love this._


	2. Number One and a Crash Course In What NOT To Do in a BDSM Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | Hello everybody! Just a warning for PTSD, PTSD flashbacks, child abandonment, child abuse, and depression. Trigger warnings are advised! 
> 
> | Also, a hell of a lot of FSoG bashing in this chapter. Bucky may or may not ask Tony to file a lawsuit against EL James in the future. Please sue her, Tony. Sue the hell outta her. I'll pay you.
> 
> | ... Yeah, I might've looked at that one scene from "Endings, Beginnings" for the couch scene at the end... sue me. Anyhow, happy reading!

“You had phone sex with Yasha?”  
  
You groaned. Natasha Romanoff took a drink of her coffee as she looked at you, eyes wide. The two of you were at your favorite little cafe place since today was your day off. After the phone sex with Bucky, you had gotten one of the best nights of sleep you had ever gotten in a while. You had slept like a baby. Your morning went really well too. You even had time to take a long bath. Your mood was amazing. Nothing could bring it down. 

Well, your mood couldn’t be killed, unless the problem’s name was Natasha Romanoff. Taking a sip of your coffee, you replied back to her. “Yeah. I knocked off ten and seven last night.” Natasha gaped at you. “But isn’t that masturbation and phone sex?” She replied incredulously. You smirked into your cup as you took another sip. Natasha gasped. 

“You sly devil you.” Natasha pointed as you laughed. 

“So what’s going to happen now?” She asked. Leaning back, you thought about it. Pondered it. 

“Well, we’re doing my list together. You know, my bucket list of shit I wanna do? Like the basic stuff?” You replied. At Natasha’s nod, you continued. “Then after that, we’re going to do the entire thing. Contract. Soft and hard limits. In detail. I want to know his, too. I only really gave him mine. He said my hard limits cover his, but I just want to make sure, you know? Then after that, we’re probably going to go into safewords. The whole shebang.” You shrugged. Natasha looked at you, deep in thought. 

“You picked out a safeword yet?” She asked. You nodded. “Winter.” You said. Natasha chuckled. 

“Only you would choose Winter.” She teased. You gave her a mock glare, gasping dramatically. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You replied. Natasha laughed. “Nothing, Princess, nothing.” She teased, using your stripper name. You rolled your eyes. “Only use that name when we’re working, please. We aren’t working right now, Black Widow.” You shot back, using hers. Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“Anything else?” She asked. You smiled, a faint blush coming to your cheeks. “We’re having dinner tonight. To talk over everything. So, that should be nice.” You replied. Natasha raised her eyebrows. Then, she looked at you, a look of concern on her face. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” She asked softly. You put your coffee down, frowning. Then, you remembered. 

_Right. Bucky didn’t like you. Not like the way you liked him. Did he even know? Did Sam tell him?_ You bit your lip in worry. 

“If it’s about my feelings… I don’t know. I know I like him, but… this… arrangement we’ve got now, I think, I think this is what it’ll be. An arrangement. I know, I’m probably going to get hurt, but... “ You sighed, burying your face in your hands. “God, I’m a fucking mess, Nattie.” Natasha gently rubbed your arm. 

She knew about your feelings towards her close friend. After Bucky had returned from the army, he was different. No longer was he the ladies man that he was before the war. He was broken like a jigsaw puzzle, trying to reconnect those broken pieces of himself that he couldn’t find anymore. He was angrier. More short-tempered. His flashbacks were dangerous. Sometimes, he’d have a knife on him, tears streaming down his face as he wailed. He screamed for the innocent women and children that he had seen slaughtered overseas. 

Unknowest to him, that was where you had come in. Natasha had been gone one day, and Bucky had been in her apartment. The two of them had always been close, even before the war. So, whenever he had a flashback and needed to crash somewhere that wasn’t Steve and Tony’s place, he’d crash at Natasha’s. You had been staying over one day because you had gotten into a scuffle at the Red Room and crashed at her place. Bucky had gotten one of his flashbacks and was holding a knife again. 

**It was nighttime. You didn’t know what time it was. Two AM? Three? All you knew was that you were a little hungry. You had quietly made your way to the kitchen, but then stopped at the sight in front of you. Bucky was on the kitchen floor holding a knife, his eyes dark and full of tears. He was crying. For a moment, you remembered. It had sent you into a little flashback of your own, when you were on Natasha’s kitchen floor, holding a knife to your chest too. Immediately, that part of you jumped out. Cautiously, you made your way to him. Slowly.**

**“Bucky?” You asked. Bucky jerked up, eyes wide. The room was dark, so he couldn’t see you.**

**“Get away from me!” he screamed. You still made your way towards him slowly. “Bucky,” you said again, soothingly this time. “Bucky, it’s me.” You said your name, kneeling down. Bucky was taking deep breaths, almost hyperventilating.**

**“James. It’s alright. Just put the knife down.” You soothed. You didn’t want to touch him suddenly. It would freak him out. You needed to do this slowly. Allow him to come to his senses himself. Bucky whimpered. It broke you to see him like this. He had been so excited to enlist after getting his master’s in engineering. But to see what had happened overseas killed you. He wasn’t himself anymore. He was a shell.**

**“S-Say it again… say my name,” Bucky whimpered. “James,” you whispered. He slowly lowered the knife, a shudder wracking his body. You leaned over, gently taking the knife from him. “Breathing exercises, James. In and out. Follow me. In, out, in, out.” You slowly breathed in and out, watching as he followed you. The two of you did it a couple of times before he relaxed. He fell into your hands, sobbing.**

**“Thank you, thank you.” he sobbed. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, shushing him softly.**

**“Don’t worry about it, James. Just relax. Shhh. There. We’re going to go back to your room, okay?” You asked softly. Bucky nodded numbly as the two of you got up, as you put the knife back carefully. The two of you walked back to his room together, as you gently tucked him back in bed. You had been making your way towards the door when you heard it.**

**“... stay.” He murmured. You turned back, looking at him.**

**“Are you sure?” You asked quietly. Bucky nodded, making more space for you. Slowly, you walked to the bed and crawled in. Bucky held onto you, snuggling into your chest. You held him gently.**

**“... Thank you,” he murmured sleepily. You smiled.**

**“You’re welcome, Bucky.”**

Bucky had gotten better after that. But, he didn’t remember you. But that was fine by you. You silently cheered him on when Natasha had told you that he was attending therapy. Through his therapy, you got to see him more. You were nothing but patient and nice to him, which confused him. Slowly, over time, you had fallen in love with him. Bucky started laughing more. Started smiling more. He had gotten a job at Stark Industries. You couldn’t help but fall in love with him as he slowly regained himself again. You couldn’t be happier for him, even if he treated you slightly colder than everyone else. 

“I just want you to be okay,” Natasha replied, gently placing her hand over yours. You sighed softly, feeling the feelings rushing in again. 

“I will be, Nattie.” 

  
  
  


Bucky’s day had been going well. He got up to get ready for the day, feeling lighter than ever. He made his usual cup of coffee, drinking it with two spoons of sugar, gulping down the warm beverage, sighing. Alpine, his cat, meowed, swiping her paws at him. 

Bucky had gotten Alpine after he started therapy. His therapist suggested he get a pet companion to help him with his recovery. So, Bucky had gone to the shelter and had found Alpine. He had fallen in love with the white kitten immediately. So he became a cat father. 

“Yeah, yeah. Hold on, girl- I’m coming.” Bucky muttered as he got the cat food out, scooping some into her bowl. Alpine began to eat, making Bucky smile as he put it away. Humming to himself, he made breakfast and ate at the table as Alpine ate. The two ate in silence, the sounds of New York looming underneath them. Bucky smiled softly to himself. He loved living in New York. He finished eating and quickly washed his dishes, and Alpine’s bowl, before putting it down. Alpine nudged his leg, purring. Her collar clinked against his jeans. He smiled, bending down to pet her head. She purred. 

“Mmm, yeah. Be a good girl while daddy’s gone, okay?” Bucky asked, slipping on his shoes as he looked at himself in the little mirror near his door. Alpine peered her eyes at him. He rolled his eyes. He ruffled her head one more time before grabbing his things and left his apartment. 

When he got to work, people were already there. Voices and bodies ran around him as he made his way to his usual part of the tower. He greeted Wanda Maximoff, the woman at the desk as he walked in. 

“Mornin’ Wan,” He greeted. Wanda Maximoff looked up at him, her brown eyes crinkling with happiness when she saw him. 

“Morning Bucky,” she greeted back. She took a bite of her bagel. 

“How are you and Vis?” Bucky asked as he signed in for work. Wanda beamed at the mention of her fiancée. 

“Our wedding’s still going on in the spring.” She responded. Bucky smirked at her. “Am I still invited?” he asked teasingly. Wanda rolled her eyes fondly. “You know you are, Barnes. Are you bringing a date?” She asked curiously. Bucky pondered that. Then, he thought of you. Wanda was friends with Talia, so she might know you. He said your name. Wanda looked up at him, her eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“I didn’t know you two had something going on,” she replied in surprise. Bucky rubbed the back of his head nervously.  
  
“We’ve got this… arrangement. We’re not really dating, per se.” Bucky responded. Wanda pursed her lips but nodded. Yeah, she knew that you were in love with him too. Anyone with eyes could see you pined for him. Well, everyone except Bucky. Because he was a dumbass. 

“Got it. Well, I’ll be happy to see my bridesmaid to bring a date. At least she won’t be lonely.” She winked at him. Bucky looked at her, gobsmacked.  
  
“She’s your bridesmaid?” Bucky spoke in a strangled tone. Wanda winked at him again. “Don’t tell I told you. I’m planning to tell her when I invite her to go dress shopping.” She snickered. Flushing a little, he nodded dumbly.  
  
“Got it,” he responded. 

“Barnes! We need you over here!” he heard someone yell. Bucky sighed. 

“Have a good day, Bucky!” He heard Wanda shout as he made his way over. He waved her off. 

“Finally.” Bucky heard Clint grumble. He gave him the finger in response. Sam snickered. 

“So, how are you and Babygirl doing?” Sam asked. Clint looked up at the mention of you. He looked at Bucky. 

“Are you guys finally dating?” Clint asked as he quickly looked over at the pieces he was fumbling with. Bucky shook his head. He heard three groans in response. 

“You know Bucky, if you don’t get your act together, she’ll find someone else.” He heard Vision speak from his right. The blonde-haired man finished slamming his hammer on the metal, holding it to inspect it. 

“I told him last night.” Sam rolled his eyes as he looked at what Vision was holding. 

“At Stark’s house party?” Clint asked as he peered over, looking at it too. 

“Uh-huh. Buckaroo gave me the dumbest look as Babygirl left. She had to go to work.” Sam replied as Vision frowned, putting it down. 

“I thought she doesn’t work on Mondays?” Clint replied, confused.  
  
“She had to cover for Darcy apparently,” Sam responded. Bucky blinked at the two. 

“Was I the last to know that she works at the Red Room?” he wondered out loud. Clint, Sam, and even Vision snorted. The three stopped what they were doing, looking at the dark-haired man. 

“Yes.” The three chorused. Bucky blinked. He thought of you, in your element, the Red Room’s red LED lights covering your body like a halo as you did your thing. He swallowed, feeling a hard-on coming in. 

“Dude. We’re at work. You can sin with her later.” Clint snipped, noticing said erection. Bucky glared at him. 

“Oh yeah, how’s that list going on, by the way?” Clint hummed as he scrambled to help Vision and Sam with what Vision was building. Bucky blinked again. 

“You know about that too? Oh for fucks sake- do all of you know?” Bucky questioned. 

“I didn’t,” Vision chuckled. Clint and Sam snickered. Bucky sighed in frustration. 

“We knocked off seven and ten on her list last night.” The three stopped. 

“What’s ten and seven?” Clint whispered, leaning over to Sam. 

“Phone sex and master-” Sam started, but his eyes bugged out. Now Bucky was the one that snickered. The trio stared at him. “Ew! I do not need to hear about you defiling Babygirl over the phone. Y’all nasty.” Sam spoke, horrified. Bucky snickered again, barking out a laugh.

“Serves you right, Wilson.” he snickered. Sam only glared at him. 

“You never told me she could speak Russian.” Bucky glared at Clint. Clint smiled innocently.  
  
“You didn’t ask.” He clapped back. Bucky only scowled. 

“So, since you’re doing the list now… what are you planning?” Clint asked. “I asked her to dinner tonight. I’ll probably text her the details. I was thinking of meeting at my house. Since I got everything.” Bucky shrugged. Clint raised an eyebrow. Being Natasha’s long-term boyfriend since college, he knew of you and was like a protective brother for you. So, he couldn’t help but raise his suspicions. And like his Tasha, he knew you were a demisexual. 

“Do you know? About her demisexuality?” By now, all work had been halted. Clint was looking at Bucky with a certain look in his eyes. 

“Yeah. Sam told me last night.” Bucky muttered. Clint looked at Sam, frowning.  
  
“You know she’s in love with you, right?” Clint asked. Bucky sighed. “Yeah, Clint, I know.” Clint slammed his hammer down, making the three men jump. He walked over to Bucky, a hard look in his eyes. 

“You hurt her Barnes, and I will shoot my arrows at you,” Clint spoke lowly. Now, Bucky wasn’t afraid of Clint, but the threat still sank in. He knew how important you were to Clint. 

“I’m fucking serious, Barnes. Anybody with eyes can see you two makin’ googly eyes at each other. You hurt her feelings in any shape, way, or form, and I will not hesitate to put you in the damn hospital.” Clint spoke. Bucky nodded. 

“Good.” Then the four of them went back to work. 

  
  
  


Your day off was proving much better than you thought after your coffee date with Natasha. You had gone back home, looking over the podcast. It was doing well. Maybe taking more breaks in between would help. It would definitely help you and your workload now since you were doing your list with Bucky now. Slamming your laptop down and putting it away, you walked into the kitchen. You made a bowl of cereal as you watched your K Dramas on your phone, inserting a comment here and there. 

Yup, this was the life. Leaning back against your chair, you sighed in bliss.

Yeah, this was definitely the life. 

Later, when you were three episodes in towards the end, Bucky had called you. He must’ve been on lunch break.

“Hey, Bucky, what’s up?” You answered. 

“You want to have dinner at my place tonight?” He asked. You paused, taking a bite of your cinnamon roll that you had made earlier. 

“Sure. By the way, is anything else gonna… you know… happen tonight? Other than dinner, I mean.” You replied. “Yeah, number thirty on your list? I don’t know where you got that from, but that’s not happening.” Bucky replied. 

You weren’t going to tell him about your kinks. Especially number thirty. Your ass felt warm. 

“Guess I needed to spice up my bland sex life, I guess.” You shrugged, leaning back as Han So-Yeon told Go Nan-do that he deserved to be loved. You sniffed. 

“... are you okay?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah, sorry. I’m watching my K Dramas again.” You paused the episode.  
  
_“Ah, that’s why you and Sam get along so well.”_ You heard Bucky say from the other line. You snorted. 

_“No, we just have a sense of humor, James.”_ You clapped back. 

_“Why do you call me that? James?”_ Bucky found himself asking. You frowned, pursing your lips.

 _“Well, it’s your name, isn’t it? I mean, if you don’t like it, I’ll just stick on calling you Bucky from now on. I mean-”_ You ranted, but Bucky cut you off. _“No, no, no. I don’t mind you calling me James. I’m just… not used to people calling me that nowadays.”_ He replied sheepishly. You snickered. He sounded so adorable over the phone. It was making your heart gush. 

_“So… since you don’t want to do number thirty, what if there’s a toy?”_ You mused. 

_“Do I get to buy the toy,”_ Bucky replied. You hummed in response, making an “uh-huh” noise. 

“So we can figure something out with that?” You spoke as you finished your cereal. 

“Possibly,” Bucky teased. You rolled your eyes. 

“So, seven sound good?” Bucky asked. You couldn’t stop the grin that had appeared on your face. 

“Seven sounds great.” 

  
  
  


“Stop that, Alpine.” 

The white-furred cat looked up at her owner, tail swishing. She cocked her head at him, meowing. Bucky scowled. He was nervous. He had never been nervous with a woman before. Not since he had come back from the army. It was just you, for fucks sake! He didn’t like you like that. You were just someone he knew. Right. 

Alpine meowed at him as if to say: yeah right dad. Bucky scowled down at her.

“Traitor.” The doorbell rang. Bucky swallowed, trying to desperately fix his hair. Alpine hid a paw behind her face, looking like she was snickering. Closing his eyes, he mustered his courage and walked up to open the door. You were on the other side, a soft smile appearing on your face when you saw him. Bucky swallowed, his heart pounding. 

“H-Hi,” he stammered out. Your smile grew wider as you let out a soft laugh. “Hi,” you greeted him. Alpine jumped out from behind Bucky, walking over to you. She sniffed your shoes. Then she sniffed the jeans that you were wearing. She rubbed her face against your leg, purring. 

“She likes you.”  
  
A chuckle fell from your lips as you bent down, petting the white-furred feline. Alpine, enjoying the attention, purred louder. You rubbed her head gently. A chuckle left your lips again. 

“Yeah. I guess so. You gonna let me in, Sarge?” You smirked. Bucky flushed as he stepped aside, letting you in. When you stepped in through the threshold, you felt it. 

You felt at home. There was a little table with two long seats near the window, with a kitchen on the left side. The dining and kitchen area was probably the biggest part of the apartment. You wondered if Bucky ever invited any of his friends to his apartment to get-togethers. _Did his friends know he was into BDSM too?_ _  
_ _  
_ Alpine followed you like a loyal soldier, watching with curious eyes as you walked around the apartment, having taken off your shoes at the door. You walked into the living room, seeing a leather couch and a flat-screen TV against the wall. A small coffee table laid in the middle. Alpine jumped onto the couch. 

“Alpine. You know you're not supposed to jump on the couch, babygirl.” Bucky’s deep voice brought you back. You looked at Alpine, who looked at you and meowed. However, she listened to her father and jumped off, her tail swishing. You sat down on the couch as Bucky made his way into the kitchen. 

“Is it alright if I just make butter pasta? My day’s been a little shifty.” Bucky called from the kitchen. 

“Butter pasta sounds great, James.” You replied as Alpine jumped into your lap, rubbing her face onto your shirt. She purred. You laughed. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat as he watched you play with his cat. Alpine meowed, licking your cheek, making you squeal in surprise as she nudged your cheek. Alpine purred as you petted her head. She slumped over on your lap, paw swiping up at you as she laid down on her back. 

“Aww, does someone want belly rubs? Your daddy doesn’t give you belly rubs, does he?” You cooed. Alpine meowed again. 

“Don’t listen to her- she’s lying! I gave her belly rubs last night!” Bucky huffed from the kitchen as he waited for the water to boil. You laughed as Alpine hissed at her father. Bucky made a noise in return, making you laugh harder. Bucky made his way into the living room, sitting down next to you. He had gotten impatient with waiting for the water to boil. Besides, he already had the ingredients out and ready to go. 

“So, how long have you been working at the Red Room?” He asked. You paused. Alpine meowed curiously as to why you had stopped scratching behind her ears. You held the little feline a little closer. 

“As long as Natasha. Six years. We started while we were in college together. We were broke college kids, and we needed to pay our rent. Since Tasha was so fucking stubborn to get our own apartment. I mean, I had already been taking pole dancing classes for a couple of years, so a strip club wasn’t going to be far off, you know?” You started. Bucky nodded, allowing you to continue. 

“Ivan wasn’t really keen on the idea to let us work at the Red Room. He views all his girls as his own, so he’s really protective of us. Natasha and I, especially. Natasha being his adopted kid and me, because well…” your voice dropped. Your smile that had started to show on your face dropped, too.

You swallowed. 

“You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to,” Bucky replied. You had subconsciously leaned into him, his musky smell wavering into your nose. He smelled a little bit like metal and sandalwood. Your head leaned against his shoulder. 

“No, I…” You swallowed. You could feel the tears starting to come. 

“I was abandoned by my mom when I was born. I don’t know why, but she just left me at an orphanage. I stayed there until I was about, maybe five? Five and a half. I got adopted by this couple. They already had a kid, but they wanted one more. And you know, with orphans, they’re so excited to be adopted. This couple… they were so nice. They had a son who was a few years older than me. I was excited to have an older brother.” A tear found itself rolling down your face already. Bucky quickly wiped it away.

“The first couple of years were great. But then they sent me back. Said I was getting too old for them. That they didn’t want me anymore. And then a couple of weeks later I saw them back again, adopting another new child. I was replaced, just like that.” You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as more tears rolled down your face. 

“Suddenly I wasn’t so shiny anymore. I started closing myself off to people. And then puberty happened. And then a few months later, the new child that they had adopted came back. The couple died in a car crash. I blamed myself. I had nightmares at night. I’d wake up the other kids. The people at the orphanage gave me a room to myself because the nightmares became night terrors. The other kids bullied me because I had an entire room to myself. And then one day when I was ten, I met Natasha.”  
  
You remembered the day as clear as day. You had been on the playground, sitting at a swing by yourself. The redheaded girl had made her way towards you. Suddenly, you were shoved backwards off the swing. You had cried out in pain. One of the kids from the orphanage had pushed you off. Natasha had punched them right in the face and started beating them up. Ivan had taken her off of them after he had helped you up. Afterwards, Ivan and Natasha had walked you back to the orphanage. Ivan had asked what the deal was about you. One of the people explained your story. Ivan had asked for adoption papers immediately. Natasha had kept you company, and over time, the two of you had bonded in that short little hour. When you had gotten adopted again, Natasha had been so excited. You? You were wary. Ivan and Natasha seemed nice enough. But your thoughts had lingered down the deep end. What if they were just like the previous couple? What if they dumped you again? 

“I was at the swings by myself. And then someone just shoved me off. Natasha beat them up while Ivan helped me up. They walked me back to the orphanage. Ivan asked about me, and a person at the orphanage told him what happened. Afterwards, he adopted me. I already started talking to Natasha, but I couldn’t help but wonder, you know? I thought, what if they leave me too?” You continued. Bucky held you tighter as Alpine meowed, rubbing her head against your hand. You choked up. 

“But the years passed. The night terrors stopped. But one day, I was on the kitchen floor, and I was crying. I was holding a knife and my hands were bleeding.” Memories of the night flashed back to you. It made you flashback to Bucky, too. 

“You were having a flashback,” Bucky whispered in realization. You nodded. 

“Ivan managed to snap me out of it. He took the knife away and brought me back. A couple of days later, he told me how worried he was. Natasha had been crying. He told me I should go to therapy. At first, I was like, no. But then, it settled in. I had a family. I had a real family who cared about me. So I did. I went to therapy. I took my meds. I got better. I’m still going to therapy, but it isn’t as scary as it used to be.” You were interrupted by a very tight hug. 

_“I’m so proud of you.”_ You started crying. For real. Bucky wiped the tears off of your face as he held you. Alpine even snuggled into you, meowing. 

“Now I know why Clint threatened to put me in the hospital.” Bucky mused. You managed to laugh weakly. “What?” You exclaimed. Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, he said if I hurt you, he’d put me in the hospital.” You rolled your eyes. 

“He’s just trying to be a tough little bitch. We all know you’d beat him in a fight.” Bucky burst out laughing. You started laughing too, tears being forgotten. It left the two of you smiling at each other. Suddenly, you heard the water boiling loudly. The two of you jumped. 

“Right- the food- fuck.” Bucky spoke suddenly, getting up quickly. Alpine followed her father off the couch, head up in the air, making you chuckle at her. Bucky salted the water and put the pasta in. He walked back to you and sat down. 

“So, I’ve been thinking about your list.” You looked at him. 

“Yeah? What about it?” You asked. Bucky frowned at you. 

“Your bucket list. Is there anything you like on there?” He asked. Your cheeks colored. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” You replied, confused. 

“Is there anything you like on the list? Oh god, the BDSM community failed you, didn’t they?” Bucky spoke in horror. You rolled your eyes. 

“I like my bunny toy very much. Big fan of that.” You clapped back. Bucky leaned close. 

“Yeah? You like playing with your clit?” Bucky breathed out. You swallowed. 

“B-Bucky!” You stammered. You were pretty sure your breath was wavering. A metal hand traveled down to your jeans, resting over the waistband.

“Lay down,” Bucky spoke lowly, his eyes dark. Your body fell onto the couch with a soft thump. You heard Bucky popping your button and pulling down your zipper. Said man kept a tight gaze on you, blue eyes dark. It made a shiver run down your body. His chestnut hair was falling in his eyes, but Bucky paid no mind. He pulled your jeans down, a metal hand sinking into your navy blue panties. A wet noise was heard. Your toes curled as a shudder left you. 

His metal hand disappeared. His metal finger curled inside you, a noise escaping you. 

Bucky swore. You were already so snug around him. If you were this snug around his fingers, then you’d be even more snug around his dick. Fuck if that didn’t get him hard. Your jeans and panties were yanked down to your ankles by his flesh hand. Bucky’s head lowered down in between your legs. You could feel his breath on your thighs, making you squirm. 

_“Stay still.”_ He rumbled. You tried to stop squirming, but Bucky spreaded your legs apart with his flesh hand. His metal finger slipped out of you. You whined at the loss. 

_“Behave.”_ Your mouth shut. 

“What a beautiful little pussy. Am I the first to touch this pussy?” Bucky asked. You nodded. Bucky couldn’t help but feel giddy, even a little greedy. He didn’t doubt that you were a virgin, nor did he doubt anyone had been inside you before. The fact that he’d be the first and only person inside you, fuck it made him smug. When his mouth lowered onto your clit, you were gone. His tongue swiped against your folds, sinking into your slit. 

“James,” you spoke, your voice an octave higher. It sounded almost like your podcaster voice. Your fingers sank into his locks, gripping his hair. Wet, sucking noises echoed from Bucky as he explored you. His tongue lapped at your slit, lips wrapped around your lips. Two metal fingers slipped inside you, more slick lathering on his tongue. Keening noises came from you as your hips bucked against his face, making him groan. Your walls clamped around him as you came, your grip on his hair loosening as your cries were heard. Bucky slurped up as much of your slick as he could before you could lift your hips back. Your legs were shaking. You looked at him. Bucky lifted his head up, your slick covering his lips and chin. When he licked his lips, you were a goner. His blue eyes were dark. He leaned down slowly as you leaned up.

Alpine meowed. It made the two of you jump. Bucky clamored to get off of you. You pulled your panties and jeans back up, cheeks pink in embarrassment. You saw Bucky slip the two metal fingers he had inside you in his mouth, sucking them clean. You whimpered. 

Bucky was resisting the urge to push you back onto the couch and finish what he started, but he heard your stomach grumble. He allowed himself to smirk at you. He took a pair of tongs out of the drawer, fishing out a piece of pasta. 

“Doll? Mind trying this for me?” Bucky called out. You stumbled off of the couch, walking to the kitchen as Bucky fed you the piece of pasta. 

“Is it good?” Bucky asked. 

“Uh-huh,” you replied. Bucky grinned as he turned off the burner for the pasta. He turned on the burner for the pan and waited for the pan to heat up. 

“So, I was wondering.”  
  
“Uh-huh. Bout what, doll?” Bucky hummed.

“Well, I told you my soft and hard limits already. But I just want to know yours.” You replied. Bucky put some butter in the pan as he responded. “Most of your hard limits cover mine already. Triple penetration, piss play, sharing, age play, ass fisting, bowel movements, harasses, leather suits, ass hooks, and rape is more of my hard limits.” Bucky explained. The butter frothed up as Bucky added the pasta in, making the pan hiss. You stared at him.

“And… you’re okay with everything else?” You replied bewilderedly. 

“Yup,” Bucky replied, popping the p. He seasoned the pasta quickly before shutting off the fire.

“Oh. By the way- we’re going to be watching a movie too while we eat. Is that okay with you?” Bucky asked.

"What are we watching?" You asked. Bucky looked at you, a grim look on his face. He looked like he had swallowed a lemon.

"You ever heard of the Fifty Shades of Grey series?" He replied. Your face fell.

"Oh hell no- not those pieces of trash."

  
  
  


"What the fuck IS that?" You exclaimed, watching as Christian had crawled up to Ana like a submissive, taking a bite out of her toast. An outraged noise had fallen from your lips as you buried your face in Bucky's flesh shoulder. 

"I'm so fucking triggered," Bucky muttered in horror, holding you closer as the two of you cringed. The two of you had long finished your numerous bowls of pasta. Alpine had fallen asleep in Bucky’s room on her bed. So, it was just the two of you cuddled up together and watching what Bucky had called, an ‘educational’ movie on what NOT to do in a BDSM relationship. 

As the two of you watched the movie, it got worse. Christian stalked the hell out of Ana, even showing up at her place that she shared with the blonde roommate she had, (you couldn’t remember her name), unannounced. 

“How the fuck did he get into her room? That’s so fucking creepy!” You exclaimed. Bucky cringed even harder. You gagged as Christian drank some of the wine, and fed some into Ana’s mouth. 

“That is so gross,” you shuddered. You took a deep chug of the red wine that Bucky had poured earlier. It had been filled again after you had chugged it during the first sex scene. Bucky immediately did the same.

As the two of you neared the end, Ana asking Christian to go all out on her was the thing that made you finally snap. 

“Really? You didn’t even give her aftercare after you fucking spanked her, you fucking asshole!” You screeched at the screen. As Christian made her kneel in the room, he took a belt out. You inched closer to Bucky. He held you tight as you heard the first hit and heard her count. You whimpered, burying your face into his flesh shoulder. Bucky continued to glare furiously at the screen, his eyes burning with anger.

After the last hit, Bucky murmured, “It’s over. You can open your eyes now.” 

Your eyes opened as you heaved in a breath. You watched as Ana marched out of the room, Christian following behind her. 

**_“Stop,”_ ** You heard Ana say. Christian took another step towards her. 

**_“No!” She shouted. Christian stopped immediately._ **

“Thank you!” You and Bucky shouted at the same time. Ana stepped into the elevator. 

**_“Ana,” Christian spoke._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“Christian,” Ana replied, her eyes watery. The elevator doors closed._ **

The movie ended. You and Bucky blinked. 

“What the fuck did we just watch?” You muttered. 

“Well,” Bucky sighed, “that just killed my sex drive.” You snickered. Bucky chuckled as he got up, walking to his room. You didn’t know if you should have followed him or not, so you stayed seated on the couch. A couple of moments later, Bucky returned, with something in his hand. Your eyes widened. 

_“Is that…”_ You breathed out. Bucky sat down on the couch, placing the bundle on the coffee table. 

A contract. A BDSM contract was in front of you. Wetness pooled at your thighs. 

“I just want to look over it with you. We don’t gotta sign it right now. I was planning to knock out your list first before we get into any of this stuff.” Bucky explained. You nodded. You had wanted to get the list out of the way first. But then Natasha’s words rang in your mind again. 

_Are you sure this is what you want? I just want you to be okay._

Bucky must’ve noticed your face had fallen, so then he said, “Are you okay?” You looked at him before responding. “Do you… do you know?” You asked slowly. Bucky gave you a long look and then nodded. “Sam told me last night.” He replied. You internally screamed. You wanted to bury yourself into a hole and never come out. God, now this was awkward. He knew that you were in love with him now. God, you must’ve come off so desperate. 

“God, this is so fucking awkward,” you groaned. Bucky gave you an amused look. 

“I’m flattered, doll, really. In love with little ol' me? I’m honored.” he teased. You groaned, smacking him against his flesh arm. Bucky chuckled. 

“Shut up,” you groaned.  
  
“You know, I haven’t had a real relationship since joining the army.” You looked at him. He was no longer looking at you. Instead, he seemed to be looking out, staring into space. 

“Really? Why not?” You asked. Bucky sighed. 

“My PTSD made it hard. I had so many flashbacks… so many nightmares… all I saw were innocent women and children being slaughtered and… I couldn’t do anything. All I remembered was the damn nightmares over what happened overseas…” His face turned dark as he remembered. Nowadays, he didn’t have the flashbacks appear in his dreams. But sometimes, they did. He’d wake up in a sweat, Alpine jumping into his bed and nuzzling him, allowing him to slowly come back. Yeah, his therapist had been onto something. 

Bucky took a deep breath. Your hand had subconsciously drifted over to his, placing your hand on top. As if to soothe him. Bucky swallowed, the sensation sending a chill down his spine. 

“I closed myself off, like you. It took me a while to… regain that part of myself. It felt like a weird jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes it still feels like that. But… not with you.” His gaze turned serious. Your breath caught in your throat. 

“You’re really frustrating, you know that?” Bucky teased. You laughed, a smirk appearing on your face. 

“I think I’ve been told that once or twice. Especially by this guy I know, he’s got a metal arm, you know him? You teased back. Bucky rolled his eyes. He leaned close again. His flesh hand cupped your face, his thumb running over your lips. Your lips parted, allowing his thumb to slip inside. Your lips wrapped around his thumb, sucking.

 _“Fuck,”_ Bucky swore. Your eyes blinked back innocently at him. Bucky growled deeply in his throat, sending sparks down your body. Yup, this was way better than your podcast. This was also giving you ideas for your podcast, too.

 _“Stop.”_ His thumb was out of your mouth. For a moment, the two of you looked at each other. Then, Bucky threw caution to the wind, closing that barrier between the two of you, and pressed his lips to yours.

Some part of you screamed. Your fingers found his hair and sank in, gripping his head. His lips were warm. Soft. His metal hand had found the back of your neck, pulling you closer. Then, you felt yourself being pushed back down to the couch. His lips had left yours as he looked down at you, a dark, primal look in his eyes. 

“We’re gonna polish number one and number seventeen. I wanna see you dance for me, doll. Can I visit you at the club tomorrow? Just you and me?” He asked. Warmth spread through your body as he mentioned your job. A smile pulled its way to your lips. 

“Yes.”  
  
“Good girl.”


	3. Number One and Seventeen and Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | Strap in kids, it's bout to get hot in here. Cold showers after this chapter are advised. Some Dom!Bucky in this chapter, finally. Some intercrural sex in this chapter too.
> 
> Sorry, it turned into a damn soap opera a little bit. Bucky decided to go into his feelings. Mentions of PTSD in this chapter too, so trigger warnings are advised! 
> 
> I usually don't do song recommendations, but I totally recommend listening to Often by The Weeknd and Desperado by Rihanna, (the slowed versions), while you read along! It sets the mood for the Red Room scene. Little bit of sugarddady vibes in this chapter, but it isn't gonna last long. Just for this chapter. Also, please remember to do aftercare! It's important!

“I’m just saying- if you don’t want to work that day, just don’t work that day.” 

So, mistakes had been made. You were currently in your apartment on your couch, talking to Darcy Lewis. Today was Wednesday. You were working tonight. You’d see Bucky tonight. Thoughts of number one and seventeen loomed in your mind as your thighs got damp. You leaned back on your couch. How were you going to give him an erotic massage if you two were at the Red Room? Maybe in one of the VIP rooms maybe? That seemed to calm your nerves a little. At least you’d be in your element while doing it, right?

“Yeah, I know, but-” You heard Darcy sigh from the other line. 

“It’s just- a guy I like is going to be there. I wanted to impress him.” Darcy replied. 

“Ah.” You nodded in understanding. 

“Isn’t your cousin going to be there too? She’s one of the baby dancers right?” You asked. You heard Darcy making an uh-huh noise. 

“I don’t know if I’m fit to teach her, though. You’ve been dancing longer than me. Can’t you give her a lesson tonight?” Darcy asked from the other line. You shook your head as you replied. “No can do Darc. I’m busy tonight.” 

“Busy with what? I thought you’re workin’ tonight?” Darcy replied, confused. You snickered into the phone. 

“Come on, don’t tease,” she whined. You stopped snickering. 

“I am working tonight. I just got a client, that’s all. I don’t think I’m gonna be dancing all that much tonight.” You snickered again. 

“Who’s the client?”  
  
“Bucky. Bucky Barnes.” 

Darcy choked. You snickered. 

“I- shut up-” Darcy snapped. Your snickering turned into full-blown laughter. 

“So you got something going on with our lovely Sergeant Barnes?” She teased you. You rolled your eyes. 

“We’re not dating if that’s what you wanted to know.” You replied. This time, Darcy snickered. 

“Oh shut up,” you grumbled. 

“Have fun with your Sarge tonight.” Darcy chirped as she hung up. You groaned loudly.

_Fucking Darcy Lewis._

  
  
  
  


Bucky had been distracted all day. When he woke up the following hours for the week, Alpine had meowed at him. They had breakfast as usual. Then Bucky left the apartment. He took the subway to work, his earbuds in as people loomed all around him. For a few months after he had started therapy a few years back, he couldn’t take the subway. He couldn’t walk to work. His thoughts would be screaming in his head. But he slowly took the subway once a week. Walked to work twice a week. The subway became two days a week. The walking became three times a week. And that was pretty much how he got to work. He’d walk to the subway station, take the subway, and walk back to take another subway home. Walking in New York City was pretty much his cardio. But he still went to the gym on the weekends. It was a nice excuse to get out of the apartment. 

He walked into Stark Industries, signed in, said hello to Wanda, and then went to work with Vision, Clint, and Sam. The four worked in silence and chatted for a little bit. Today, the quartet decided to go for lunch. Bucky had finally finished the podcast episode he had been listening to a few days ago, but he had stopped it a couple of times because he was distracted. 

By you. He had wanted you to stay over. Bucky had gone down on you a couple more times, alternating on eating you out and fucking you with both his metal and flesh hand. But he had quickly found out you enjoyed his metal hand greatly. It made him smirk. Hearing you call out for him in Russian was definitely a turn on. He had to hold back from allowing you to suck his dick. That would wait until tonight.

 _Tonight._ A thrill ran through him. The thought of seeing you in your element excited him. Not that he had never been in the Red Room before, he had gone a few times. But those few times, he had never seen you. You had quickly explained that your primary job was teaching the new baby dancers- new girls that Ivan had hired. It would give the other, much older girls who had been there longer like you more rest. Plus, you just really liked teaching the baby dancers. But tonight you’d take a break to knock off number one and seventeen off of your list. 

“Barnes? What are you doing tonight?”  
  
“I’m going to the Red Room tonight.” 

Sam, Clint, and Vision choked on their food. Bucky took a bite of his pizza causally. 

“You’re what?” The three exclaimed. Bucky took another bite of his pizza before putting it back down on his plate. The four of them decided to go to a pizza place down the street from Stark Industries for their lunch break. Wanda was supposed to join them, but she had chosen to use her lunch break to plan more for the wedding. So, it was just the four of them for lunch today. Tony and Steve were eating at their usual burger joint, as usual.

“We’re polishing off number one and seventeen tonight. And plus I’ve never seen her dance before with an audience, so-” Bucky shrugged. This time, he took a gulp of his soda he had gotten with his pizza. 

“I thought you two polished off number one last night at your place?” Sam inquired, confused. Bucky smirked behind his cup. 

“Ah, well birdbrain, we only knocked it off for her, not for me,” he smirked. Sam and Clint made noises of disgust in their throats. 

“Ew! I don’t need to hear you defiling Tasha’s sister,” Clint scrunched up his nose in disgust. Bucky couldn’t help but snicker. He finished his pizza and took another gulp of his soda. 

“Y’all nasty,” Sam spoke as he inhaled his fourth slice of pizza. Bucky simply rolled his eyes as his phone dinged. 

**_You: Tasha’s taken me out to this Italian place and I couldn’t stop thinking of your butter pasta from last night. I ordered some but it doesn’t taste like yours. What the hell did you put in that?_ **

Snickering quietly to himself, he quickly took his phone out and typed out a response back. **_  
_** **_  
_** **_Bucky: Nothing, doll. Just butter, salt, and pepper. Little bit of cayenne too._ **

**_You: Ah, so the white boy can handle spice, now can he? How interesting._ **

**_Bucky: Careful. I will not hesitate to put you over my knee._ **

**_You: Please don’t, I still have flashbacks from that awful scene from last night._ **

**_Bucky: That scene was the only scene they only got BDSM right._ **

**_You: But no aftercare._ **

**_Bucky: You’re right. Nope, they fucked it all up._ **

**_Bucky: So what time are you coming to work tonight?_ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** **_You: Six-thirty. What time do you get off work?_ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** **_Bucky: Five. I’ll take the train there._ **

**_You: Alright._ **

“Are you texting Babygirl?” Sam asked. Bucky looked up from his phone. Sam was on his fifth slice of pizza now. Bucky still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Sam Wilson could eat eight slices of pizza in one sitting. It truly baffled him. 

Bucky scowled. “Why do you call her Babygirl?” He asked. Sam smirked. 

Sam had known you since high school. The two of you had the same homeroom class together and had hit it off immediately. The two of you shared a huge love of K Dramas, which, honest to god, helped the friendship bloom even more. After high school, Sam had joined the Air Force, and you had seen him off at the airport, hugging him tightly. Other than Natasha, Sam Wilson was your best friend. Sam’s laid back, cool, and slightly cocky attitude matched your quietness perfectly. The two of you were chaos personified together. After Bucky had joined the military, he and Sam had been placed on the same base and hit it off too. You had been the first person to welcome them back. Bucky had only heard of you then from Sam. When he had seen you, he swore his world had stopped for a second. You had greeted him and Sam with a soft, knowing smile. He wondered why. 

Now he knew why. The conversation the two of you had about your PTSD and childhood came flooding back. The fact that someone that he held so closely understood him so well- it made him feel connected to you on a different level. Bucky swallowed. 

“Because she’s Babygirl. Only one can be Babygirl.” Sam smirked. Bucky only scowled at him. 

**_Bucky: Birdbrain is pissing me off._ **

**_You: Oh, so nothing’s new, huh?_ **

**_Bucky: Watch yourself, doll. I won’t hesitate to spank you once we knock out your list._ **

**_You: Looking forward to it, Sergeant. Gotta go, Nattie’s trying to get me off my phone. See you at the club._ **

Bucky let out a noise as Sam snatched his phone out of his hands with a smirk. 

“Been callin’ your name ten times now, tin man. Nice to have you back with us.” Sam teased with his usual shit-eating smirk that he saved only for Bucky.

“Give me back my phone, Wilson.” Bucky snapped. Clint snickered into his cup as Sam handed Bucky back his phone, but not before texting something in haste to you. Bucky snatched it back with a huff. Then his phone dinged. 

**_You: James, tell Sam he can suck my dick._ **

Bucky snickered. Sam looked at him. 

“She said you can suck her dick.” Sam’s face fell. Bucky howled with laughter. 

“That’s it! I’m calling her right now. Babygirl- tell your metal man to fuck off!” Sam whined into his phone as he called you. The three other men heard your response loud and clear. 

“Suck my damn invisible dick, Wilson!”

The table howled with even louder laughter at Sam’s hurt expression. He pouted. He then glared at Bucky. 

“I hate you.”

  
  
  
  


More mistakes had been made. You had been eating your chocolate pudding, your music playing in the background. Then your phone rang. Again. 

Wow, you sure were popular today, it seemed. You checked the caller ID. 

**_Nattie._ **

_“Yeah, Nattie?”_ You answered. 

_“You’re coming to work, right?”_ Natasha asked. _“Uh-huh,”_ you replied. 

“So, what happened between you and Yasha last night?” You could hear Natasha smirking into the phone. Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. 

“Nattie,” you warned. 

“What? Can you blame a sis for asking?” Natasha replied from the other line. You groaned. 

So, you told her everything. Natasha was gasping towards the end. 

“You naughty little Princess, you.” She said after you finished your tale. You rolled your eyes. 

“What did I say about using work names when we’re outside of work?” You replied in exasperation. Natasha snickered from the other line. 

“So, I’m assuming you’ll be busy tonight, huh? You got your outfit prepared?” Natasha asked. You frowned. 

_“Shit. No.”_ You began to panic.  
  
“Oh- shit. What do I wear? What can I wear? What does he like?” You jolted out of the couch, putting Natasha on speaker as you ran to your room. You heard Natasha saying something through the phone but you couldn’t process it due to your frantic self yanking open your closet. 

_“... Star, are you with me? Starlight!”_ Natasha shouted through the phone in Russian. You stopped your frantic shuffling in your closet. 

_“Nattie, I’m kind of in the middle of a mental breakdown right now!”_ You exclaimed. Natasha snorted loudly from the other line. 

“Okay. First of all, calm down. Don’t rip your closet in half, now.” Natasha scolded you, switching to English. You took a deep breath, your hands gripping the handles of your closet. 

_Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. It’s just Bucky._

_Oh god, Bucky. That just makes this worse._ You groaned. You took in deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. 

_“... you back with me, starlight?”_ Natasha asked. 

_“Yeah, Nattie.”_ You choked out. Natasha frowned into the phone but nodded from the other line. 

_“Alright, let’s get started.”_

  
  
  
  


For the second time this week, Bucky was nervous. He had left the apartment a long time ago, bidding Alpine goodbye while the white-furred feline meowed. Jazz music was playing in his earbuds as the dark-haired man walked through the streets of New York, going to the subway station. To think that three years ago, that he would’ve ever stepped foot outside- it was almost laughable. But look at him now. He purchased a ticket and walked into the ever-growing subway and sat down, fiddling on his phone. When his spot was announced, Bucky got off, walking back up into the busy streets of Matthan where you worked. By the time it had rolled around five-thirty, the sun had set, the sky a golden yellow with hints of pink.

Bucky swallowed, the feeling he had felt being around you beginning to sink back in. This had been the only feeling he still couldn’t figure out, after all these years. Other than Talia, you had been the person he had known. Before that, it had been Sam and Steve. This feeling he felt… it was what he felt when he saw Steve and Tony together at Tony’s stupid house parties. It was what he saw when he saw Clint and Talia sitting together at their apartment with tubs of empty ice cream around them. It was what Wanda and Vision were going to have in the spring. It was that feeling, whenever you graced him with your smilies.

Bucky walked into the Red Room, the loud booming music blaring in his ears. The Red Room was thriving in business, as usual. The few times Bucky had come to the strip club, it was always full of people. 

And, the Red Room had been the first time he had seen you after he started his therapy. Talia had brought him with her one time before the club had opened. You had been teaching one of the baby dancers. Desperado by Rihanna had been playing then. You had been dressed in babydoll lingerie with a short lacy black transparent dress over it. Bucky had sat in the corner, nursing a glass of scotch as he watched you.

His friends knew he had PTSD. But what they didn’t know, was that Bucky’s sex life had been affected. Before he enlisted, his sex life was pretty healthy. But after coming back from overseas, he found he couldn’t bring him to orgasm anymore. Intimacy scared him. The feeling of having an orgasm triggered his PTSD. Fear would fill him. Eventually, he told Talia, who suggested he try out exposure therapy. He started out with watching porn and then moved to read erotica in order to get used to the feeling of arousal and to not allow it to not have a negative connotation on him.

**The day he had seen you dance was pure coincidence. Bucky hadn’t watched any porn that day. Or read his erotica. The low and slowed version of Desperado had played over the speakers as he watched your legs swing over the pole, hooking your legs onto the metal. Bucky had swallowed. He watched you hook both of your legs, securing yourself onto the pole before spinning. Your head had tipped back, your upper body stretching out, allowing the dark-haired male to see a glimpse of your bra. His pants tightened. His grip on his glass had loosened as his hand began to shake. Short labored breaths escaped his lips as he gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. He bit his lip hard, almost drawing blood.**

**This was better than his exposure therapy. Much better. He was so entranced by your dancing that Talia had to call his name out in order to get his attention. You had jumped off the platform, your feet hitting the ground with a soft thud as you made your way to the ex-sergeant.**

**“James?” Bucky blinked. Your voice was good enough to let him cum in his pants. His dark eyes had snapped up to you. You swallowed.**

**“You okay, James?” You asked quietly. Bucky internally sucked in a breath.**

**“Yeah, I’m fine, doll.” His deep timbre voice sent wetness pooling in between your thighs. Bucky had stood up, bidding you and Talia goodbye before he headed home. You had been left aroused and confused. Natasha had smirked behind her glass of whiskey.**

**Bucky had practically ripped the hinges of his apartment door open in a haste to get to his bedroom. He accidentally had locked Alpine out, something the feline did not appreciate. He heard her yowls of protests from the door. He’d make it up for her later. He had landed on his bed with a grunt, unzipping his fly and unbuttoning his jeans in a haste. His boxers had been pulled down enough that his** **hardened erection was freed. Thick drops of precum had been smeared already on his tip. Bucky let out a mix between a grunt and groan as his hand wrapped around his cock, a hiss falling from his lips as his hand began to move up and down. He thought of you again, the way the red LED lights had shined on you as you spun on the pole. How your eyes shined. How your legs had wrapped around the pole with ease. How your head had whipped back. Everything.**

**Bucky thought of you, underneath him. Gripping his shoulders. He thought about how you would sound underneath him. He imagined your breathy pants as his strokes became tugs. His gasps became shudders of pleasures as he grunted, trying to imagine how tight you’d feel in him. How good your cunt would grip his cock.**

**For the first time, he didn’t last long. His orgasm crept on him as he came with a shout, shot after shot of his cum coating his chest and thighs. His orgasm had been so intense that he nearly blacked out for a second. It took a couple of seconds for his brain to register what had just happened. Bucky panted heavily, his eyes dark with arousal.**

**He didn’t touch his erotica or watch porn after that day. All he needed to think of to get hard and jerk off, was you. Just you. Nothing, or no one else.**

He saw Talia on a pole, watching as his best friend spun effortlessly. She shot him a grin and a wink from her spot. He snorted. He could see a tall, brown-haired man walking up to him. 

_Ivan._ A smile graced the man’s face. Bucky’s hand was already reaching for his wallet in his back pocket. He asked for you. Ivan’s eyebrows rose up in surprise. He asked for a private session. His mind was made up. His cock was already hard and throbbed in his pants at the thought of being alone with you. 

_“How much?”_ Ivan asked, his accent beginning to show. 

_“Two-hundred thousand.”_

**  
  
**

_“Starlight, there’s a client for you.”_

The door to the private room had opened. Ivan had led Bucky to one of the private rooms. You were already there. You slipped on a silver necklace that Natasha had bought you for Christmas last year. It was a silver necklace with a drop pendant. Small and simple. You were dressed in the same outfit Bucky had seen you on that day. Your stilettos from Tony’s house party graced your feet.

 _“Alright, thanks, bubba. I’ll be right out.”_ You replied. You heard the door open and close. You stared one last time at yourself in the mirror, taking a deep breath. You mentally counted down from ten. 

_You could do this. You could do this._ Gulping, you walked out of the little room that was connected to the private room. The door opened and closed behind you. Bucky was already sitting on the bed in the room, his blue eyes dark. You couldn’t really see how dark they were due to the red lights in the room. He was wearing the familiar long-sleeve burgundy shirt that you loved on him. His leather jacket was slung over his broad shoulders. Black jeans hugged his thighs as he shifted his legs. He was wearing his boots too- the black ones that you loved. You swallowed, feeling the wetness pooling at your thighs already. You didn’t know how you were going to survive the session. 

God, sometimes you hated James Buchanan Barnes and the power he had over you. 

_“Come here.”_ Soft clicking noises filled the room as you walked over. Bucky gestured you to be on his lap, which you quickly complied. You sat on his lap as he rumbled, a hand running its fingers through your hair. 

_“How… how much did you pay?”_ Your voice came out soft. His lips brushed against your ear hotly. 

_“Two-hundred thousand.”_ A strangled noise came out of your throat in surprise. Bucky smirked and chuckled. 

_“Are you insane, Barnes? Two-hundred thousand?”_ You hissed. Bucky just continued to smirk. 

_“Well, I gotta treat my girl right, don’t I?”_ Your cheeks flushed. His girl. He had called you his girl. Warmth flooded your chest. Your cheeks colored. Thankfully the lights were red, so he couldn’t see your embarrassed expression. 

_“Your girl?”_ You replied coyly. Bucky made an “uh-huh” noise. 

_“Well, I wouldn’t call us friends, anymore, would I?”_ Bucky replied with a raised eyebrow. You snickered. _“No, I guess not.”_ You answered truthfully with a shrug. Bucky hummed as he continued to play with your hair. You relaxed on his lap. You could feel his erection spearing up into your ass, but you didn’t care. You leaned against him with a soft hum. 

“Doll?” Bucky asked roughly. Your body jolted.

“Y-Yeah?” You stammered. Bucky smirked deeper. When he spoke, his voice was lower. 

_“Dance for me.”_  
  
Bucky Barnes had officially slipped into dom headspace. You noticed when you had turned your head, looking into his eyes. His voice was lower, rougher.

 _“That wasn’t a request, doll.”_ His voice came out as a growl as he looked at you. For a moment, you slipped. You slipped into that headspace you had whenever you did your podcasts. Your stilettos clicked and clacked against the floor as you picked up your phone that was sitting on the little coffee table. Bucky watched you from the bed, his dark eyes raking over your form. This was different. You weren’t out there, on a pole in public where everyone could see you. You were alone. In a room. In private. With him. Bucky internally groaned. He wasn’t going to last long at this rate.

You connected your Bluetooth speaker to your phone. With a shaky breath, you said, “Hey Siri? Play my routine playlist.”  
  
“Okay. Playing ‘routine playlist.’” You heard your Siri speak through the speakers. You walked to the pole as you heard the beats of Desperado beginning to play, your legs hooking onto the pole as you hoisted yourself up, twirling yourself around. You decided to just do your normal routine. It was just Bucky. You shouldn’t be nervous. Bucky watched as you slid down again, this time your body was bending backwards, just like how he had seen you teach the baby dancer that day. He swallowed. Bucky watched you go through your routine, his dick taking a life of its own. Your music continued to play. The slowed version of Circus played as he watched you twirl. This time, you bent your legs up, landing in a kneeling position. Bucky imagined you to be kneeling for him just like that. It made him even harder than he already was. With one last spin, your routine playlist had finished, signaling the end of your dance. 

Your body was on fire. You were also pretty sure your panties were soaked through. Memories of last night flooded your mind. You had lost count on how many times he had gone down on you last night. Your breath wavered. 

_“Come here, doll.”_ Bucky motioned with his finger in a come hither motion. You jumped off softly off of the platform, walking over to him. 

“Can I take off my stilettos?” You whispered shyly. Bucky hummed in confirmation. You took your stilettos, kicking them off.  
  
“So… how do you want to do this?” You asked awkwardly. Bucky cocked his head in interest. 

“Do what?” He asked. 

“Number one and seventeen. Like… do you want me on top of you or something? Do you want me to take off your pants?” 

Bucky could only stare in disbelief. 

What had this world come to?

The BDSM community had truly failed you, it seemed. 

“What are we? Seventeen, doll?” He replied in shock. He looked like he had been slapped across the face. He certainly felt that way. Your cheeks flushed.

“I’m going to take my clothes off and then I’m going to lay down. Okay?” He spoke. Tentatively, you nodded in agreement. Bucky shrugged off his leather jacket and pulled his long-sleeved burgundy shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor next to his jacket. His back flexed, revealing his muscular chest to you. You see could see the broad shoulders that he had. You resisted the urge to whimper. James Buchanan Barnes shirtless was definitely going to inspire your next script for your podcast.

“Come here.” Unlike the last time, his voice was softer. A metal hand came to cup your cheek in reassurance when you had walked over. He had slipped out of his dom headspace. For now, he was back to just normal Bucky. Not dom Bucky. 

“We’re gonna just start off with number eleven and eighteen, okay?” He asked softly. You gasped softly. 

“How am I going to give you an erotic massage if you’re laying down on your stomach?” You wondered. Almost rolling his eyes a little, Bucky replied, “A regular massage will be just fine, doll. I don’t want to do an erotic massage and it turns out you’re terrible at massages.” You made an outraged noise at the back of your throat. One that made Bucky really glare at you in warning, feeling himself slip back into his dom headspace, just a bit. A whimper finally escaped your lips. 

_“You know what, I think I’ll spank you too. Scratch off number thirty-one too.”_ Bucky turned over onto his front, a pillow underneath his face as he leaned down. You straddled his back, your legs on either side of his small part of his back. Snarkily, you told him, “Oh puh-lease. I give Nattie back massages all the time. Next time you see her, tell her I’m shitty at massages and she’ll deck you in the face, Barnes.”  
  
Oh yeah. He was definitely going to spank you afterwards. You were a brat. A total bratty brat. 

  
  


He regretted his comment about your massage skills once your hands touched his shoulders. You were touching all of his favorite spots with such skill and ease, he would have to apologize to Talia later this week. The things you were doing to his shoulders and back had him moaning and groaning. He could feel your smirk on the back of his neck. Never did he want to dominate someone so badly at this moment. When you rolled him over, your dress had ridden up to your stomach, revealing the panties that you wore underneath. He could feel the soaked material on his chest. By now, his pants were feeling so uncomfortable. Never did he want to be naked more than at this moment. 

_“Once we’re done with this… we’ll do number seventeen. That sound good?”_ Bucky asked roughly. You tilted your head. _“Thought you were gonna spank me, d- Bucky.”_ You caught yourself slipping for a second there. _Did Bucky know you had a podcast? Oh god, what if he listened to your podcast? That would’ve been embarrassing._

 _“Why, did you want me to?”_ You breathed an internal sigh of relief. Good, he hadn’t caught you slipping. At the reminder of said spanking, you flushed. 

_“Maybe,”_ Bucky growled. More wetness rushed as Bucky smirked, feeling the soaked material. You stammered. 

“Take your clothes off. You’ll feel better.” Bucky said gruffly. Your dress was lifted over your head as Bucky moved slightly to yank your panties down and off on the floor. Bucky even kicked off his boots, to your surprise. You still hadn’t noticed he had them on. All that he had left on now were his socks and jeans. Bucky stared up at you, a metal hand running up your body, cupping your breast. His flesh hand immediately did the same, a metal and flesh thumb rolling over your nipples, hissing as they hardened underneath his touch. A shaky breath left you. 

“Does that feel good? The difference between hands?” Bucky asked softly. You nodded. Abandoning your breasts, his hands traveled to your throat. A shiver ran down your spine as a metal hand wrapped carefully around your throat. 

“I noticed breathplay was one of your soft limits. You wanna try that out now, doll? I’ll be gentle with you. You gotta tell me if it's too much for you. You got a safeword?” Bucky asked softly. You nodded again. 

“Winter.” Bucky hummed. Winter. How interesting.  
  
“Good. I’m going to squeeze now. But before I do, I’m gonna need you to breathe, okay? Breathe with me. In and out. In and out. Yes- that’s it doll.” The two of you breathed in and out slowly a couple of times, like how you had done with him in the kitchen all those years ago. 

“Alright. I’m going to squeeze now.” His metal fingers flexed slightly before gently applying pressure to the sides of your neck. Breathplay wasn’t about squeezing your windpipe, it was about pressing the sides of your neck, to allow the blood circulation to stop for a second. It wasn’t supposed to be painful. The pain would just add to the pleasure. Your head tipped back as your lips parted. He watched as your eyes closed in bliss. With the soft red washing over your body, you looked like a vision. It made Bucky watch in awe. Red was definitely your color. 

He alternated his grip on your neck. Applying soft and hard pressure. He did this a couple of times, feeling your pulse on his metal fingers. Then, he let go completely. 

“Breathe, baby.” You opened your eyes, softly breathing in and out. You looked down, seeing Bucky’s soft face. 

“That feel good?” he asked roughly. 

“Yeah,” you replied blissfully. Bucky hummed, allowing you to come back completely. Once your head was cleared, your fingers moved down to the button of his jeans, popping off the button and unzipping the zipper. 

“You’ll let me know if I’m doing something wrong?” You asked quietly. Bucky grunted in response. You slid off his jeans, leaving him bare, with the exception of his socks. He wasn’t wearing any boxers or briefs, and you wondered distantly if he just wasn’t a boxer or briefs kinda guy, or maybe he had just gone all commando for you tonight. Whatever it was, it had quickly left your mind as you gazed down at his cock. 

He was big. Thick. Your eyes grew dark with want as you continued to gaze him down, like how one would look at a map. Your mouth was definitely going to hurt. Your hand wrapped around his dick softly. His tip was covered with heavy drops of precum. Your fingers ghosted over his shaft, slowly moving up and down, nearly stroking him. Bucky’s face twisted into one of pleasure. Your hand was warm. It made him hiss. 

“Hold me tighter, doll. I won’t break.” He grunted. Your hand left his shaft, eyeing the twin globes that were resting on his thigh. Your breath wavered as your mouth began to shift down towards his tip. By now, your body position had shifted, so you were almost straddling his hips. A thumb caressed his testicles, feeling the texture. Then, as if you weren’t thinking straight enough, your mouth had fully lowered down and you took him fully in your mouth. 

Bucky hissed. A flesh and metal hand had reached down to grip your hair as your tongue swirled and sucked. Both of your hands moved up and down his shaft, hitting places where your mouth couldn’t reach. Bucky groaned, and nearly whimpered with pleasure. Your tongue felt so good on his dick. He’d stop masturbating now. Now that he had the real thing, what was the point?  
  
“Ah, shit.” Bucky groaned. “Yes, just like that doll. Get my dick wet, just like that. The wetter the better.” 

Humming your acknowledgment, you increased your speed, getting more of his cock down your throat as you possibly could. Your fingers worked faster too. Going up and down his shaft. Slowly building up a steady rhythm. It made him moan and groan in appreciation. This was what he had thought about when he had seen you dance for the first time. The tip of his cock hit the back of your throat, making you choke slightly. The sound traveled up to his brain, making the blood in his head warmer. 

For the second time in his life. Bucky Barnes didn’t last long. He could feel the familiar sensation of an orgasm ripping through him. “I’m about to come, doll.” He informed you through gritted teeth. You hummed around the tip of his cock, tongue swirling around it as Bucky grunted, and just like the first time, his orgasm nearly blacked him out as he came down your throat. 

He didn’t taste all that bad. A little salty, but it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Managing to swallow it all down, you released his cock from the torture that was your mouth with a pop. Bucky breathed heavily as he scrambled up to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Your eyes widened in shock. So he was going to spank you after all. Thrill drummed through you as you scrambled, a yelp escaping your lips as you were bent over his lap. 

“How many spanks you want, doll?” Bucky asked casually as if he was merely discussing the weather. 

“Six? To start?” You replied. Bucky gazed down at you, a smirk adorning his lips.

“Six it is. Ready?” Bucky spoke. You nodded. 

“Safeword?”  
  
“Winter.”  
  
 _Smack._

“One.” 

_“Smack.”_

“Two.” 

_Smack._

“T-Three.” 

_Smack._

“F-Four.” That one left you whimpering. Bucky gently massaged the hits, allowing you to breathe. 

_Smack._

“F-Five!”  
  
“One more. Doing such a great job, doll.” Bucky soothed you. You nodded. The sensations were sending blood to your head in bliss. 

_Smack._

“S-Six.” You gasped out. Bucky gently massaged the hits before flipping you back over. Now, you were the one who looked up at him, your eyes dark. Bucky was stroking your face.  
  
“Mmm. Did such a good job for me, doll. I’m so proud of you.” He kissed your forehead. Then he flipped you over so you’d be on your back. 

“How do you feel about number seventeen, doll?” He hummed. You gazed up at him. 

“Intercrural? How are we going to do that?” You asked curiously. Bucky offered you a smirk, looking almost like he did before he had gone to war. 

“Well my little handful,” he purred, “I’m going to put my dick in between your thighs.” Demonstrating his point, he nudged your legs apart a little, slipping his cock in between your thighs. He wasn’t inside you, though. 

“Clench your thighs a little bit, sweetheart. Yes, oh that’s it doll,” Bucky groaned as he began to thrust, moans slipping from his lips as you clenched your thighs around him. He still wasn’t inside you though. It made you whimper. 

“See, the movement’s supposed to mimic the stimulation of sex,” Bucky spoke through his pants. “So… it’ll feel like sex, but it’s not actually sex, you get me?” He panted. You nodded. It felt like he was inside you, thrusting in you. But he wasn’t. You gripped his shoulders, clenching your thighs together tighter. It must’ve gotten a reaction from Bucky because he groaned loudly in response. 

“Ah- oh fuck. Yes, that’s it, just like that,” Bucky hissed in pleasure. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. His flesh hand slipped onto your folds, rubbing circles onto your clit as he continued to thrust. It made you gasp as your head draped back into the pillow. 

“You look so good like this… makes me wanna slip inside you, doll. But I’m not going to.” You cried out in frustration at that. Bucky chuckled deeply, giving you a kiss that left you panting. 

“That feel frustrating?” You nodded quickly. You cried out as he thrusted, hard.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does, doll. Especially cause of how wet my dick’s making you down there… you’re so fucking wet for me, aren’t you? You want me to slip in you, don’t cha?” Bucky grunted. A needy whine was your only response. Your breath began to quicken as Bucky slowly increased his pace, more pants and moans from him only making you wetter.

Leaning down, his lips ghosted your ear. An unreadable noise left your lips. It sounded like a whine. Maybe. 

_“You want me inside you, don’t you?”_ Oh fuck, he had switched to Russian. You knew you were done for.  
  
 _“Yes. Please, Bucky, please, please.”_ You begged, choking out as a sharp smack echoed, Bucky’s flesh hand smacking your clit roughly. You let out a needy cry. 

_“Open your mouth.”_ Complying, your mouth was suddenly filled by two metal digits, a moan escaping as you sucked. Still, Bucky continued to move as your thighs clenched harder. If it weren’t for the pole dancing that kept the demand of your upper body strength as well as leg strength, your legs would’ve burned. Thank god for Nattie showing you pole dancing. 

Pitiful, muffled whines were heard as Bucky grunted above you. He could tell you were close. You let out a surprised noise as Bucky yanked his metal digits out of your mouth, spit coating his fingers. 

“You’re gettin’ close, aren’t you?” he grunted. You nodded. 

“I can feel it… you’re clenchin’ harder… breaths gettin’ a little faster… ah, fuck yes, that’s it-” Bucky shuddered, a groan escaping him as his hips stuttered. “That’s it doll, clench em a little more for me. You clench harder, and I’ll go a little faster. I wanna see your face when you cum.” He instructed. Obeying his command, your thighs clenched harder as Bucky moved faster, and you could hear the bedframe slamming against the wall faintly. 

_Creak. Bang. Creak. Bang._

Well shit, if this is what you two sounded while having intercrural sex, you prayed for whoever’s headboard when the two of you officially had sex. You had a sinking feeling it’d be your headboard. Great. 

_“I’m gonna fuck you. This week. I got my therapy session and then I got a meeting with Stark with some business partner. Saturday good?”_ Bucky panted in your ear.

 _“Y-Yeah… Saturday sounds… oh- Saturday sounds good James, ah!”_ You cried out in response, your orgasm slamming into you like a tidal wave. 

_“Shit fuck, oh- fuck!”_ Bucky swore loudly, groaning as he came all over your thighs. His hands cupped the back of your head as he leaned down, the two of you sharing a kiss. Bucky pulled away from you gently, panting as the two of you recaught your breath. 

“Hope that was good for you, sweetheart. That was just a warmup for Saturday. We agreed on Saturday, right?” Bucky panted. You found your voice as you chuckled weakly. 

“Yeah, Saturday.” You replied. A smile was on your face as Bucky chuckled, smiling as he dipped down to kiss you again. Bucky reached over to the little table, grabbing some tissues to clean the two of you up, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he threw it away in the trash.

He shifted over, the two of you cuddling. You were the little spoon, he was the big spoon. 

The two of you stayed like that for a while, before you heard a knock at the door. 

_“Hey Princess, you guys done in there?”_ You heard Nattie speak in her Black Widow voice that she only used for work. Bucky looked at you with an eyebrow raised, as well as a smirk. 

“Princess?” He mouthed. You flushed. 

_“Yeah! We’re done! Give us a second!”_ You replied. The two of you scrambled to get your clothes on. The doorknob unlocked and twisted open. Natasha was dressed in a thong now, the thong hugging her curves perfectly. She sauntered in the room, the door closing behind her. Like a teenager that had gotten caught by their old sibling, you flushed. 

_“She’s flushed. You do a number on her, Yasha?”_ Natasha asked with a crooked grin. Bucky smirked at her. 

_“Did you expect anything less?”_ Bucky replied, his voice deep. You choked. 

_“James!”_ You hissed. Bucky, being the little shit he was, simply snickered and brought you into an innocent kiss. Natasha fake gagged. The two of you pulled away, flipping her off as you did so. 

_“We need you out there. I’m gonna talk to Yasha for a second.”_ Natasha spoke. You nodded, reaching down to pick up your stilettos, slipping them on like they were nothing. The door opened and closed behind you. Once Natasha finally heard you walking down the stairs and back into the crowd, she looked at Bucky. 

“What do you want with her, Bucky?” She switched back to English. Bucky looked at her, an eyebrow raised. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Talia,” he replied, genuinely confused. 

“You know she’s in love with you. I know you’re in love with her too. Everyone can see it, except you. When are you going to admit your fucking feelings?” Natasha demanded. Bucky started to feel a little angry. 

“I’m not-” He started, but then he stopped to think about it. That rushing feeling he felt whenever he saw Talia with Clint, Steve with Tony, Vision with Wanda, and just now, with you, it overcame him like a wave. Bucky swallowed thickly. Natasha looked at him with a _fucking finally_ look on her face. 

“Ah, there it is.” Natasha tapped her foot impatiently. 

“Shit,” Bucky breathed out. He swallowed, tears beginning to brim his eyes. Natasha brought him into a hug. 

“Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh- fuck Talia,” he whimpered. Natasha rubbed circles onto his back, soothing him. 

“Shhh. Calm down Yasha. There. It’s alright. It’s okay.” She soothed him. Bucky sniffed, his eyes slowly becoming rimmed with red. 

“Talia,” he choked out, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Take it slow, Yasha. All those unresolved feelings are finally coming to the surface. I’m not asking you to do a Prince Eric and rescue her from evil Ursula and shove your feelings in her face. Just take it slow. Take her out on dates. But you should communicate that you like her. She thinks you want just a sub/dom relationship.” Natasha confessed. Bucky’s brows furrowed. 

“She what?”  
  
“That’s beside the point,” Natasha replied. Bucky frowned. “Talia,” He said in warning. Natasha sighed. 

“Look, Yasha. She thinks you don’t like her back. But you do. You have to tell her that. Soon.” Natasha spoke. Bucky nodded, looking like a lost puppy. Natasha internally groaned. Sam would have a kick knowing about this. She knew, ever since the incident with you and the baby dancer, that Yasha had been masturbating to you. Not the erotica and porn she encouraged him to seek out for his therapy. He now jerked off to her sister in anything but blood. 

“I’ll take her out. On date. After the meeting with Stark.” As the head of his department, he was often dragged to meetings with Tony. It was tiring, but worth the extra pay Tony always snuck in. 

“Good. And Yasha?” Natasha asked as she made her way to the door. 

“Yeah?” He replied. Natasha opened the door. 

“Don’t fuck this up.” The door closed behind her. Bucky stood there, the smell of sex filling his nose. He swallowed. His feet carried him out of the room as he made his way back out, the loud booming music filling his ears again. He saw you on the pole at a table, watching as you swung around gracefully. Your eyes met as he smirked at you, doing a mock salute before he disappeared into the crowd. Later, when he got home, Alpine jumped into bed as her owner climbed into bed. He took his phone off of the little nightstand next to him. 

He found your contact, quickly typing some things on his phone. 

Now, instead of your name, your contact read: _Princess._ In Russian, of course. He smiled as he sent a text. 

**_Bucky: Hey, Princess. You wanna go for dinner on Saturday?_ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** **_You: Oh, I didn’t know we were using my work name now._ **

**_Bucky: Not your work name, doll. Just a nickname._ **

**_You: Uh huh. Dinner sounds great. Seven?_ ** ****_  
_**_  
_** ******_Bucky: Sounds great._**

**_You: Great. Goodnight, Bucky._ **

**_Bucky: Goodnight, Princess._ **

Bucky let out a sigh as he slipped his phone back on his nightstand. Alpine meowed from her spot on her bed. 

“Yeah, Alpine. I like her too. You chose good, babygirl.” He told her. Alpine meowed again as if to say, well duh. Bucky rolled his eyes. 

“Now go to sleep. We’ve got a long week ahead of us.”


	4. Stephen Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I started writing and mapping it out and somehow along the way, my energy just wasn't there. The podcast kinda stumped me for a bit, because I couldn't really come up with a scenario, so we'll just have the Reader doing some live Q&A's, because those are always so much fun, hahaha. And it also gives Bucky some time to fanboy, because I totally imagine him doing that. Lots of oblivious!Bucky in this chapter. Can someone slap him for me? 
> 
> And yeah... I really only have Twitter so I can look at Lin Manuel Miranda's tweets too. But can you blame me? Hahaha. 
> 
> Bold and italics are for the Reader's podcast, as usual!

“So, how have been you since we last talked?” 

It had been a few days since the events of what happened in the Red Room. Between those days, you and Bucky texted more. Texting had turned into FaceTimes during the day. 

“I uh, did the list you suggested.” You replied nervously. Mantis, your therapist that you had been seeing for a couple of years now, raised an eyebrow. Then, she smiled softly. 

“You did? How’s that going for you?” She asked kindly. A small smile appeared on your face when you thought of Bucky. Mantis let out a small chuckle. 

“Good. It’s going good.” You replied. A full smile had stretched on your face. Mantis giggled a little. You liked her. It was why after all these years, you still came to see her. Mantis was kind and patient. 

“So it’s going well? Your list?” Mantis inquired. You nodded. “We’ve knocked out number one, seventeen, twenty-two, thirty-one, ten, and seven. Not necessarily in that order.” You shrugged. Mantis chuckled. 

“You two have been hard at work, then?” Mantis replied with a knowing smile. 

“You could say that,” You shrugged. 

“Have you told James of your feelings towards him yet?” Mantis asked. Your smile fell to a frown. 

“I… I haven’t. Sam, my best friend that I’ve told you about- he told him. He already knows now. I never really got to tell him.” You replied truthfully. Mantis frowned. 

“And how are you dealing with that?” Mantis asked. You sighed, shaking your head in disarray. 

“Honestly? Not well. I wanted to be the one to tell him. Now all I think about is, what if he’s only doing it now because he feels bad for me? I know he doesn’t like me,” you sighed. 

Mantis, other than Sam and Nattie, was the number one person who had been encouraging you to tell Bucky how you felt about him. But he had been so cold towards you, always keeping you at arm’s length. You didn’t know if you could’ve kept going with Bucky after four years. It was becoming a problem. 

Until now, your life involving the former sergeant had gone out of hand. 

You had wanted him so much it had become painful. 

You couldn’t jerk off without thinking about him. 

Just from the gaze that you had of him from Tony’s house party the other day was enough to send you wanting to flee to the bathroom to coax out an orgasm.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Have you decided if you’re going to talk to him about it? Especially because of the list you’re doing with him?” Mantis asked. You let out a sigh, feeling the reality of the past few days finally sinking in. 

“I don’t… know.” You managed to admit. You weren’t lying, either. It was just complicated. This whole situation was complicated. For a moment, you wished you weren’t a demisexual. That you were just attracted to people without having an emotional connection. Life would be so much easier if you were attracted to people normally. 

Mantis frowned slightly but nodded. She didn’t want to press you further.

“Alright. Well, your assignment this week is to communicate with him. You don’t have to tell him your feelings, since Sam’s already spilled the beans. I just want you to try to talk to him.” Mantis spoke. You nodded. Mantis smiled. 

“So, how’s your job been? Anything new happen at the Red Room?” Mantis asked you, swiftly changing the subject.

Now this you could answer. A smile appeared on your face. You sat up a little straighter in your chair.

“We got new baby dancers last week. One of em, her name’s Clarisse. She’s pretty good.” You started to say. Mantis nodded. She urged you to continue. She clicked her pen.

  
  
  
  


“So, how have you guys been?”  
  
Sam Wilson had been having a good day. His trained falcon named Redwing had been on his best behavior. He even fed his pet falcon before he left. Bucky couldn’t understand how a falcon could be trained, but he didn’t push it. 

The Howling Commandos were sitting in a circle. Today was therapy day.

“Pammie and I are gettin’ married.” Jim Morita spoke. The Japanese-American war vet looked over to his fiancée. Pammie Yang, a Hmong-American woman that Bucky had seen a couple of times, smiled softly. Bucky liked her. 

“You guys picked out a date yet?” Bucky asked. Pammie smiled. 

“Not yet. But soon. I called my niece. She lives in Ohio with a man named Lance? She agreed to come to the wedding as a bridesmaid.” Pammie replied. Bucky nodded. Sam grinned.

“Y’all gonna have it here? In New York? Or Fresno?” Sam inquired. 

“Haven’t decided yet, Sammie. But we’ll let you know.” Jim grinned. Jim and the rest of the Howling Commandos looked at Bucky. 

He was next. 

Bucky swallowed. He thought of you.

“Um, so, y’all remember Sam’s best friend? The one who’s Natasha adopted sister?” he started, referring to you. He heard mutters and uh-huh’s in response. 

“Well uh… Sammy here told me that she’s uh, in love with me? And… I realized, well, Natasha made me realize, I’m in love with her too.” 

A beat of silence had occurred. Then he heard loud shouts.

“Finally, you got your head outta your ass, man!” Dum Dum Dugan yelled. 

“Pay up boys, I won!” Gabe Jones cackled. The rest of the Howling Commandos groaned. Bucky saw Jacques Dernier handing Gabe a twenty, although with a sour look on his face. 

“Damnit Buck, you couldn’t have waited another week?” Jacques grumbled. Bucky stammered. 

“Hold on, when did this happen?” Jim questioned. He pulled back his twenty that he was in the middle of giving Gabe back a little.  
  
“Uh, a few days ago,” Bucky replied sheepishly. 

“Ah-ha! I said he’d figure it out at the beginning of the week! So I won the bet! Pay up, boys. I won!” Jim cackled in glee.  
  
“Fuck you!” Gabe complained loudly as he handed over his money that he had gotten to Jim. Jim howled with laughter. Pammie looked at Bucky, and then to Laura, Jacques’s long-term partner, shaking her head. 

“Boys,” she sighed.

“Hey, who you callin’ boys, doll?” Jim grinned at her. Pammie rolled her eyes. Sam and Bucky snickered. Jim cackled and smirked as he counted his twenties. 

“Aye, Buck-Buck.” Bucky nearly groaned at the embarrassing nickname the Commandos had blessed onto him. 

“Yeah, Jimmy?” He replied. Jim scowled slightly at the nickname.

“When ya see your girl, ask her out, yeah? Get married and have a shit ton of kids. I call godfather on their first kid.” 

“Oh hell naw, Jim. I’m gonna be Babygirl’s godfather of that first child. I already claimed the godfather title. You can even ask Babygirl.” Sam butt in. Jim glared. 

“Yeah, Wilson? Why don’t cha call her right now Falcie?” Jim shot back. Sam yanked out his phone, beginning to dial your number. Bucky scooted his chair away from the circle, but Dum Dum held his chair in place.

“Hell nah Barnes, you ain’t escaping this, boy.” Dum Dum said. Bucky scowled. “We’re three years apart,” he hissed in response. Dum Dum shrugged. “All the same to me.” He scowled deeper. 

“Babygirl! Tell Jimmy I’m gonna be godfather!” Sam complained into his phone. 

“The hell you talking about, Sammie?” Your voice carried out. You were clearly on speaker. Bucky groaned loudly. 

“... James? What’s going on?” You sounded concerned. 

“Aw, and she even calls Buck-Buck James! Aw Buck-Buck, that’s so cute!” Gabe snickered. 

“Shut up, man!” Bucky snapped back. 

“It is cute,” Montgomery Falsworth snickered. 

“Come on, not you too! I thought you’d be on my side!” Bucky whined. 

“Boys!” You shouted. Bucky swallowed, feeling his pants getting tight. Maybe he’d let you dominate him some time. You sounded nice when you were angry. 

“Sammie, what’s goin’ on?” You asked. 

“Jimmy’s mad because I claimed the title of godfather,” Sam replied in a matter-of-fact tone. You were confused. “On who’s kids, Sammie?”  
  
“Yours and Buckaroo’s of course.” 

There was silence. Then there was a loud choking noise coming from your line. It sounded like you had spat out your water. 

“I-I’m sorry?” You stammered. Sam grinned at Bucky’s embarrassed face. 

“Uh-huh. You heard me. You and Buckaroo are gonna get married and ride off into the sunset and have kids together. Oooh, y’alls kids are gonna look so cute. They’re gonna get their good looks from you.” Sam grinned. Bucky gave him a look. 

“Sam!” You spoke in astonishment. 

“Oh, you did not just insult my looks, birdbrain,” Bucky grumbled. Sam smirked at him.

Bucky scowled. Damn Sam Wilson.

  
  
  


When you had gotten back home to your apartment, you immediately threw your purse down on the counter. 

Thoughts swam in your mind. But the only word that was ringing in your mind was _podcast._

You needed to record your podcast. The past couple of days had given you the inspiration to record another episode. Maybe you could get half of it done. Maybe a quarter. 

You made your way to the kitchen, where you poured the water from your water filter into your kettle, switching the button on and watching it begin to boil. You never really boiled it all the way through, though. Clunks of a cupboard opening and closing were heard as you pulled out a cup and a tea packet.

Thank god you went on that last-minute trip to Target last week. Clicking the button off, you poured the warm water into your cup and allowed the tea to steep as you made your way into the room across from your bedroom.

No one was allowed in this room. Not even Natasha. It was why you purchased a two-room apartment. Your second room in your apartment was only used for your podcast. You didn’t dare to put the camera equipment in your room. What if Natasha found it? What would she say? You didn’t want to risk it. Walking into the room, you were met with warmth. The camera equipment always made the room hot. Sometimes, you even slept in the room, hence the small little bed that lounged against the wall. Your desk, laptop, and camera equipment were placed against the wall. Unlike your bedroom, there were no windows in this room. This room was also soundproof, so you wouldn’t hear any complaints from your neighbor's next door.

The warm temperature in the room hit you in the face. You winced. Okay, maybe the tea wasn’t the best idea. With a shake of your head, you went back into the kitchen. The water hadn’t boiled yet. It was still a little warm. Shutting off the kettle, you poured the warm water into your teacup and allowed the tea to sit. 

Making your way back into your little podcast room, you turned on your equipment. Checking that everything was in order, you made your way back into the kitchen and quickly made your tea to your liking. Then you headed into the room, turned off your phone, and locked the door behind you. 

Placing your tea down, you took a gulp of your warm beverage and warmed your voice up before you found the little website you used for your podcast and quickly did a copy and paste for the donation website and set it as live. It was recording. You smiled as you put your headphones in. It was time to get started.

  
  
  


All in all, after the therapy session, Bucky had felt a bit better. The Howling Commandos had gotten time to catch up and it was a great time. He missed the rest of the group. The other Commandos had been so busy with their own lives that outside of their sessions together, there wasn’t much time to hang out. 

Even after being discharged from the military and slowly adjusting to civilian life again, Bucky found after four years, he was still trying to adjust. There would be times where he’d go into the grocery store, and make a note of every exit before he went to actually get his things. 

He had a good hour or two before the meeting. His headphones had been on his desk. His phone dinged.  
  
He raised an eyebrow as he connected his headphones in a haste, looking out of his office door both ways as he closed his door and locked it. He sent a text to Tony to not disturb him. He leaned back on his chair with a sigh. 

He hadn’t listened to the podcast for a few days because you had distracted him. Truth be told, now that he had the real thing, he didn’t know if he needed the podcast anymore. 

Bucky nearly smacked him on the head. Where was this coming from? He hadn’t even taken your virginity yet. You were still a virgin, for fucks sake! He was moving far too quickly. 

But Talia’s words echoed in his mind. 

“She thinks you just want a sub/dom relationship…” 

Did he even want just a sub/dom relationship? Somehow he didn’t know if he felt comfortable having just that with you. Sure, he thought you were attractive. But it wasn’t just your looks that drew him in. It was just you. You being you. You, being your dorky self that quoted Star Wars movies, and even that Star Wars show with that Baby Yoda frog-eating creature. 

The thought of seeing you with someone else made him uncomfortable. It didn’t fill him with hot rage, but the thought made him want to vomit. 

For the first time that week, Bucky Barnes called himself an idiot. An absolute idiot. 

These feelings he felt towards you… it was what he felt when he saw Steve and Tony together. As much as the dark-haired man annoyed him at first, he knew that Tony was the perfect partner for Steve. Tony and the punk complimented each other. Clint complimented Natalia. Talia was often very serious, and Clint’s carefree nature balanced her out. He knew the two of them weren’t thinking of marriage anytime soon. Wanda and Vision, on the other hand, were going to announce their love into the world in the most extravagant way possible.

Ever since Talia had given him “the talk” in the VIP room, all he could think about was you. He didn’t tell Sam after their therapy session, but he was very much excited and nervous for Saturday. He fiddled with his dog tags he wore around his neck- the proof of his service to his country. His dog tags were a part of himself. Briefly, he imagined what you’d look like with his dog tags around your neck. The thought made him hard as he put his headphones on. 

**_“Alright… hi everybody. Sorry this isn’t an episode, but I’ve really been putting this little Q &A off…” _ **he heard her speak softly. Bucky wondered what she sounded like in real life. The podcaster’s voice was always soft. It reminded Bucky of that one time he had a flashback in Talia’s kitchen. 

That memory haunted him sometimes in his dreams. He couldn’t remember who helped him. It certainly wasn’t Talia. His memory of that night was foggy. But the podcaster’s voice definitely had him trying to remember again. 

**_“Woah, woah, slow down everyone. I can’t read all these comments at once… but hello. I’ve just come back from errands, and I decided to squeeze in some of my podcasting before I head to work later today. So, welcome to my live Q &A session. Don’t worry, if you want to go back and listen to this, you can. I’m going to be saving this so if you don’t feel like you’re in the mood to listen to an episode and just wanna know good ol regular me when I’m not masturbating in front of a microphone, you can.” _ **The podcaster chuckled at the end of her sentence. It made Bucky’s belly warm. He swallowed. She sounded so calm and collected. Was she like this in real life too? 

**_“Funny enough, that’s actually my first question. I mainly got these questions off of Tellonyum, and my Twitter so... “_ **She laughed again as she saw a comment. 

**_“Yeah, nobody really uses Twitter that much anymore. To be honest, I only use Twitter to follow Lin Manuel-Miranda. Before anyone asks, yes, I’m a huge Hamilton fan. I might release a Maria Reynolds episode if I feel like it. Voice acting’s been an interest of mine. I actually got my bachelor’s in theatre and vocal performance. I don’t think my twenty-one-year-old self would imagine me doing an erotic podcast, but hey- life’s surprising like that.”_ **Bucky heard her laugh softly. 

**_“But now… back to the question. I work at a club with my sister, actually. We’re adopted, but I consider her to be a sister anyway. She’s much prettier than me though.”_ **  
  
Bucky stopped. 

No. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be you. Who else had an adoptive sister and worked at a club? 

But if it was you… then that meant… 

No. It was probably just a coincidence, right? The voice in the back of his head nagged him that it wasn’t the case. Bucky tuned it out as he continued to listen.

 **_“Alright… second question. Are you seeing anyone? Well… I’ll keep it nice and short and say- it’s complicated. I’ve had my eyes on this one person in my life for a while… oh they’re wonderful. They’re kind of old-fashioned. They’re the type to bring flowers on the first date. Not a lot of people do that these days. I adore them so much. They’re really nerdy, you know? They’re into that science shit. It’s so cute. We go to the science museum every year. God, and when they smile and point out every single planet in the solar system… listen, I’m not even into science all that much, but seeing them smile and gush over it? It’s so worth it.”_ **Bucky listened to the podcaster gush over their crush. His eyes fell a little. They really seemed to love this person, whoever the hell they were. He felt kind of jealous. This person should’ve felt so special, to be loved like that. 

**_“But I’m pretty sure they don’t like me in that way, so… I don’t know. Like I said, it’s complicated. Oh my god, I’ve made this so awkward. I’m sorry,”_ **He heard her laugh nervously. Bucky leaned over his desk a little. The podcaster thought that their person didn’t like them back? Who wouldn’t like them back? Especially if the podcaster loved them that much? 

**_“But yeah… that’s the status of my love life right now. Oh no- it’s okay, don’t be angry guys. I’ll be okay. I just deal with it like how I always do… dancing through life. If you get that reference, I’ll love you forever.”_ **The podcaster giggled. His heart warmed. 

He got that reference. 

You talked about Wicked a lot. You talked a lot about musicals, in general. You could never talk about it much with anyone else. Sam wasn’t really a musicals guy unless you counted Hamilton. Bucky knew Steve and Tony were into it. Rhodey, Tony’s best friend since MIT, really liked the musical too. Hercules Mulligan was his favorite character. Jefferson was yours. You gushed often about Daveed Diggs and his over-the-top personality as Jefferson. Seeing you giggle with Rhodey over Hamilton always made him happy. Seeing you happy like that… it made him happy. Made him smile like an idiot, really.

 **_“Anyways… the third question. What made you start your podcast? A number of reasons, actually. Mostly because I’m sexually frustrated. And my day job at the club leaves me with a lot of free time during the day, so…”_ **The podcaster chuckled as she leaned a little further from the mic. Bucky could hear her taking a sip of her beverage. 

**_“I honestly didn’t know I’d get this much love on my podcast, really. It was just to vent out my frustrations and sexual frustrations. I mean, I write out all these scenarios, and to see it have so much love… it really makes a girl feel special. So, I’d like to thank all of you for all the support and love. On that note, let’s move to the third question..”_ **

**_“What are your hobbies outside of your podcast? Do you have any? And if so, what are they? Ooh, interesting question! I like dancing. Not just dancing at the club, but just regular old fashioned dancing. I’m really light on my feet, so… and it keeps you in shape. Two birds with one stone. Other than dancing, I really like writing. I don’t really see myself publishing a novel anytime soon, but I like to write fanfiction. So… there’s that, I suppose. Oh god, now people are gonna find my stuff…”_ ** The podcaster groaned in embarrassment as Bucky imagined her hiding her face. He chuckled. 

**_“Fourth question. What puts you in the mood for your episodes? Honestly, if I’m gonna be real with you, it’s probably music. It’s mostly musical songs or Britney Spears. Break the Ice inspired the woman-on-top scenario that I did a couple of episodes back. The loyal listeners will know that one… yeah… that was a fun one to record. The nervousness I felt recording that was real, by the way. That wasn’t scripted.”_ **He heard the podcaster chuckle. 

That made Bucky think. 

He remembered that episode. He had been in bed, thinking about you. Come to think about it, that got him thinking. 

Saturday. Maybe he should let you top him. Bucky didn’t really have a preference, he was pretty versatile. Maybe you two should discuss it over coffee. He’d text you later. 

**_“Other than music, I like to pull from real-life stuff. Not too severe, but just for inspiration. Gets me kinda in the mood too, not gonna lie.”_ **  
  
**_“Alright, another question. What are your comfort foods? This is gonna sound so cheesy, but mac and cheese. Baked mac and cheese, you know with the breadcrumbs? I like Hot Cheetos too, so if you crumble them with the breadcrumbs and sprinkle them over top? Oh my god, it’s the best thing ever. And butter pasta. A friend made it for me recently and holy shit guys- I think I’m in love.”_ **The podcaster gushed. 

Now Bucky started thinking again. 

He had made you butter pasta a couple of days ago in his apartment.

Then he started thinking more. 

Was it… he took off his headphones. 

No. No way it was you. Now as he thought about it more, it started to make a little more sense. Sam had told him you were in love with him at Tony's house party. Talia had told him the same thing in the Red Room. Clint had told him the same thing at work. Bucky opened his drawer, taking out your list. He unfolded the piece of paper, looking over it again, like how he did at Tony's house party.

Desk sex was something on your bucket list. 

The podcaster said they were inspired by real-life events. Bucky looked over at his desk. His eyes darkened. He wasn’t going to lie and say he never imagined fucking you over his desk. Because he had. If you were really the podcaster, then that meant he had been getting off on you for eight fucking months. Bucky didn’t know if he should’ve banged his head against his desk right then and there. If anything, his shock would come later. He put his headphones back on.

 **_“... Haha, no. It’s okay. If you’re going to do a podcast like this, make sure you’re eighteen and over. There are some unsafe people out there. The world’s not black and white, kids. Be safe out there.”_ **You sounded stern. It sounded like your mom voice. Bucky swallowed. Now that he was thinking about it, he often mistook you as the podcaster a couple of times in the past. He had brushed it off as nothing, that there was no way an innocent one like you would have an erotic podcast. As usual, he was wrong. 

It was always the innocent ones, it seemed. Bucky sighed as he leaned back, listening to you answer questions and laugh. A smile wormed its way onto his lips as he listened to you talk. Your voice always soothed him.

He was very excited about Saturday now.

  
  
  


Trouble began when Wanda called you. You had been on your couch, idly scrolling on your Instagram. You saw Steve’s recent painting he had shared. You even gave it a like, typing out a quick comment before sending it. Then you saw Wanda’s name flashing across your screen. 

You picked up.

“Hey Wan,” you greeted her.

“Hey! Can you come to the wedding boutique? It’s just thirty minutes away by subway. I’ll send you the location!” Wanda replied. Confused, you nodded. 

“Wanda, is this your way of saying I’m a bridesmaid?” You spoke in exasperation. Wanda giggled from the other line. You sighed with a chuckle.

“Alright, hold on- I’m coming.”

When you got there, everyone else seemed to be there already. You felt bad. You recognized Natasha as one of the bridesmaids. Everyone else just seemed like a stranger to you. Suddenly, you felt uncomfortable. 

“You made it!”  
  
Wanda Maximoff bounced over, hugging you. A smile was on her face. You smiled back, but it looked awkward. Your smile softened when she twirled around in you were guessing one of the dresses she had been trying on. 

“You choosing that one?” You teased. Wanda giggled as she handed you a glass of champagne. 

“No. But it looks really nice.” Wanda replied. You gave her a grin as she walked back to her bridesmaids. Natasha hugged you as you took a sip of your champagne. After finishing up your Q&A session, you had taken a shower and put on a little bit of makeup. Not for anything special, just for fun. But now, it seemed the makeup had done it’s purpose. 

You had met the other bridesmaids. You recognized one girl as Daisy Johnson. Or Ward now, as she embraced you with a smile. So Grant finally plucked up the courage to ask her to marry him? Good for him. Took them long enough. 

You recognized another girl as Crystalia Amaquelin, Pietro Maximoff, and Wanda’s twin brother’s girlfriend. Everyone called her Crystal though. The strawberry-blonde haired woman hugged you. 

"It’s good to see you,” Crystal smiled.

“You’re the maid of honor, huh? Pietro’s the man of honor too?” You teased lightly as Wanda disappeared into the changing rooms. 

“Yup,” Crystal giggled as you snickered. 

“Yeah, I thought so.” 

Wanda tried on different wedding dresses, but every time she did, her fellow bridesmaids didn’t like it. She felt like every dress was wrong. 

Your phone dinged. 

**_Bucky: How do you feel about getting coffee later? After my meeting’s over? We can go before you go to work at the Red Room._ **

A smile wormed its way onto your face. Natasha noticed this. 

_“Yasha?”_ She asked. You made an “uh-huh” noise in response, still smiling into your phone. You probably looked like a lovestruck teenager. Natasha smiled at you.

**_You: Oh, coffee sounds great. I’m helping Wanda do her wedding dress shopping. I can meet you at Stark Industries and then we can go?_ **

**_Bucky: That sounds great, doll. Gotta go- Stark’s pestering me to get off my phone and go to the meeting._ **

You looked up when Wanda stepped out of the changing room. 

She was smiling. The dress was made of what looked to be lace material, and it was nice and poofy towards the ends, and it wasn’t too long. It was an a line, and when Wanda spun around, you cracked a grin.

“Can you dance in that?” You asked. Wanda looked down at her dress and spun around again as you laughed. 

“Yup. Can totally dance in this.” Wanda grinned at you. 

“Then that’s the one then.” You chirped. You heard other noises of agreement. Wanda was smiling. 

When you made it to Stark Industries, you waited in Bucky’s office. You pulled out your phone and started playing a random game on your phone as you waited for Bucky. Suddenly, you heard loud shouts as you started to look up. Bucky’s door was wide open, so you heard all the commotion. 

“... Dr, Strange, we’re late…” 

“Fifteen minutes late. I told you we didn’t need to stop for coffee!” You heard a man’s voice bark. 

Wow. He sounded like a pushover. The hell crawled up his ass? You frowned as you stood up, beginning to walk towards the source of the noise. Eventually, you made your way to the lobby where a dark-haired man was bickering with a woman. _His assistant,_ you reasoned in your mind. When his assistant noticed you, she stopped bickering with the man. He turned to look at you. 

For a moment, it felt like time had stopped. You briefly heard a door open and heard Tony’s voice from down the hall. The angry man walked over to you slowly. He had a hard-looking face, with dark hair with white mixed in. His blue eyes were full of shock as he walked towards you. He looked like he was seeing a ghost. 

“You look just like her…” he spoke, his voice hushed. 

Now, you had seen some weird shit in your day. Hell, you suffered from PTSD, depression, and anxiety for fucks sake.  
  
But this?  
  
This was weird. 

You stammered, beginning to step back as he stepped forward. Your heartbeat quickened as your breath wavered. Your footsteps became staggered.

_“Don’t- don’t- I don’t know who you’re t-talking about, p-please-”_

_“... Doll, are you okay? Doll?”_ You heard Bucky’s voice shout from down the hall as he ran up to you. It sounded like you were having tunnel vision. When he pulled you back, you fell back into his arms and fainted. Bucky scooped you up, your arms flinging around his neck. He looked over at Strange, anger burning in his eyes. A snarl erupted from his throat. Strange stepped back, beginning to hold his hands up in surrender.

"What did you do?"


	5. Number Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | Hello everybody! Some warnings for child abandonment in this chapter, and of course- the smut. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the BDSM aspect very soon. Right now it’s just some vanilla to get our babies warmed up.
> 
> I couldn't resist slipping in Skyeward- I'm Skyeward trash. Grant will appear pretty soon, but it's just Daisy atm. They deserved better, goddamnit.
> 
> This smut turned out so fluffy and sweet that I have cavities now. Please send help.

“... Babygirl? Babygirl, you with me? Girlie?”  
  
“Give her some space, Sam.” 

“Romanoff, my best girl just fainted. I think I have the right to be concerned.” 

“And I think I have the right to tell you to back off, Wilson-”  
  
“Both of you need to shut up.”  
  
Brown and blue eyes snapped over to the dark-haired man who was sitting in the chair, looking at the two of them with what looked to be an irritated look on his face. 

Bucky was beyond irritated. He was even beyond pissed. He was enraged.  
  
He was there. He was there when Strange had recognized you. He was there when you fell unconscious. He had been the one to bring you to the hospital. He might’ve snapped in Strange’s face when the man protested and tried to apologize. Apologizes would have to wait. You were more important. Tony had practically pushed him into the car and barked at Happy to get them to the hospital as fast as possible. Then once you were situated, he called Natasha and Sam.

Which had led him to now. Natasha and Sam had been bickering for a couple of minutes while you were knocked out on the hospital bed. 

As if on cue, you groaned, beginning to stir. That shut up Natasha and Sam completely. 

You opened your eyes. You strained to keep them open for a second. Then you fully opened them, seeing a white room. You heard the beeping of the heart rate monitor. Sam and Natasha sat on either side of your hospital bed. Bucky sat in a chair in the corner. 

“You back with us, doll?” Bucky’s deep voice spoke. You only moaned in response. You slowly got up. But then your head started swimming. 

“Nope,” you replied, leaning back into bed. You closed your eyes were a second before opening them again. Your head still swam for a second but wasn’t as bad as before. 

“Alright. I- ugh fuck, ow-” You groaned. Natasha held onto your hand, squeezing it gently. You groaned again. 

“Alright. I’m here, James. James?” You asked, blinking. 

“We busted our asses gettin’ over here and Babygirl’s askin’ for tin man?” You heard Sam mutter. 

“There can be only one Yasha,” Natasha teased him. 

“Oh fuck off, Romanoff.” was his muttered reply. 

Ignoring his two friends, Bucky responded, “Yeah. I’m here, doll. You remember anything?” 

Did you remember anything? You frowned. 

Yes, it seemed like you did remember everything. You remembered recording your podcast. Then Wanda had called you. The bridal boutique. Then Bucky had texted you, asking if you wanted to grab some coffee after his meeting. You texting him back that you’d just meet him at Stark Industries. After Wanda had picked out her wedding dress, you and the other bridesmaids hugged Wanda goodbye and you made your way to Stark Industries. Then, you had waited in Bucky's office. 

And then you had seen him. How could you have forgotten his face? It was a face you’d remember until you died. Dark hair mixed with a little bit of grey. Blue eyes. A hard-looking face. You remembered his awed face. Then the words.

“You look just like her…” It sent an icy feeling down your spine. 

“Yeah…” Your voice was hushed. Natasha and Sam frowned. 

“Who was that guy?” Natasha asked. 

“Stephen Strange,” Sam answered. Natasha blinked before the lightbulb clicked. 

“Stephen Strange? Wasn’t he a surgeon that got into a car accident and lost the use of his hands?” Natasha replied. At Sam’s nod, he continued. “Yeah. Then he vanished for a year. He got some medicine that helped him use his hands again. Then the owner of the company that sold him the medicine passed away. He took over after a couple of years.” Sam explained. As you laid in bed, you tried to absorb the information. But, due to your current state, all you really wanted to do was sleep. 

“He’s a business partner of ours. He’s doing the gala with us this year.” Bucky spoke quietly from the spot from his chair. He rose from his chair, walking over to you. Your hand silently reached out, finding a calloused hand. Your fingers gently rubbed the pads of his fingers. You relaxed, the stress melting off of your face. Natasha and Sam shared a secret smile. 

“We’ll leave you two to it,” Sam spoke quietly, giving Natasha a look. The two walked out of the room, leaving you and Bucky alone. The door shut with a soft click. 

“I’m sorry.” you croaked. Bucky looked at you. 

“What for? You didn’t do anything wrong, doll.” Bucky replied. He sat down in the spot where Natasha had been. 

“I… I ruined the meeting,” you replied hoarsely. Bucky shook his head. “No, doll. You could never. You just passed out from shock. It’s okay. It happens. You’re okay.” He replied. His flesh hand gently caressed your face. Suddenly, the two of you began to hear loud shouting down the hall.

“... Where is she? I want to see her!” You both heard a man’s voice shout loudly. 

“... Sir, please- there’s someone in there with her-” You both heard the nurse speak frantically. Loud footsteps began to come towards your room. 

_“Bubba, please. James is in there with her, she’s okay,”_ You both heard Natasha reply. 

_“Oh shit, it’s Ivan,”_ Bucky spoke. The door flung open. Bucky nearly jumped out of the chair. Ivan Romanoff looked very pissed off. The two of you looked like a pair of teenagers that just got caught by the girls’ parents redhanded.

 _“Are you alright?”_ Your father asked you, ignoring the nurse’s voice trying to tell him to get back. You smiled softly, shaking your head in amusement. 

_“I’m okay, bubba. James brought me here.”_ You looked at the man in question. Bucky’s ears became pink. Ivan shot the man a grateful smile.

“Mr. Romanoff, your daughter will be alright. She’s just taken a little fall, that’s all. She’ll be alright in the next few days. Just take it easy please, Ms. Romanoff.” The nurse told you. You nodded. 

Sam appeared at the door. He looked a little irritated. 

“Sammie?” You asked. The man scowled.

“Strange is here.”

  
  
  


“So… Barnes is your boyfriend?”

You looked up from your coffee in surprise. Strange was looking at where your hand was intertwined with Bucky’s flesh hand. Taking a sip of your coffee, you said, “Um…” while you and Bucky shared a look. Sam resisted the urge to snicker. 

“By that logic,” Tony said as he took a gulp of his coffee, “then Barnes and Romanoff’s sister have been dating for the past four years. They’ve been making googly eyes at each other for years.” The two of you sent Tony a glare. It was enough to make the man snicker. 

“Tony,” Steve told his fiancée. Tony rolled his eyes but didn’t add anything else.

“Cause he was pretty angry at me when you fell. I tried to apologize but he just barked in his face that I should just apologize later. Your boyfriend’s got a temper on him.” Strange spoke, making your cheeks burn.

 _“You yelled in his face?”_ You managed to squeak out in Russian. Bucky scowled, his cheeks a little pink in embarrassment. _“I was in shock, doll. I was worried about you.”_ He protested. Clint snickered into Natasha’s shoulder. Bucky gave him the stink eye. 

_“It doesn’t mean you get to be rude, James. You could’ve politely declined his help!”_ You hissed back. Bucky scowled deeper, looking like a puppy that was being scolded by its mistress.

Stephen Strange didn’t understand Russian. So, he sat on the couch in the Romanoff home looking confused. You and Bucky sat in a loveseat, still bickering in Russian like an old married couple. Clint gave Natasha a shit-eating grin from their spot on the couch. Tony watched with amused eyes as he and Steve sat on the floor together. Sam had snagged the last couch, leaving the two on the floor. Ivan Romanoff sat in his chair, watching as you and Bucky bickered with an amused look on his face. 

_“... well then maybe you should learn to be more thoughtful when people are trying to help, James-”_

_“He made you pass out!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“In shock!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Same difference!”_ _  
_ _  
_ “Alright, that’s enough- both of you.” 

You and Bucky looked over at your father. Ivan sighed as if he had to deal with this all day. He was shaking his head, internally wondering why Bucky hadn’t asked you out yet. It had been four years. Four years of watching you pin after James Buchanan Barnes and watching as the other man held you at arm's length because he didn’t know what feelings were. 

“Right, now that we have that out of the way-” Ivan gave Natasha and Clint a look as the pair snickered, “we need to talk about the pressing matter in this room. Mr. Strange-” 

“Dr. Dr. Strange.” Strange spoke. 

“Dr. Strange. You said my daughter looked like someone you knew. Yes?” Ivan questioned. He leaned back in his chair. Your grip on Bucky’s hand tightened. You saw Strange looking at you as if he was seeing a ghost. 

“Clea. Her name was Clea. I didn’t even know she was with a child. She was… my closest friend. She was there when Christine and I broke up. That’s another story for another time. But Clea… she and I were closer than I ever was with Christine. You look exactly like her.” Strange shook his head in disbelief.

Your eyes were hollow. 

Looking at Strange, seeing the way he looked at you- it reminded you of your first therapy session after your episode. 

You could feel a coil in you that slowly twisted you from the inside and out. It wasn’t the feeling of safety and warmth you had felt with Bucky when you had told him. It was a cold, gut-twisting feeling that was eating away at you.

Bucky’s arms draped over you, holding you close. Strange raised his eyebrows. 

So you were dating after all. Well, even if you weren’t, you both certainly looked like it. 

“So, what you're saying is, you're my..." the words died on your tongue.

You didn’t know how to feel. The normal reaction would’ve been shock. If you had been young again, you would’ve screamed and wailed. 

But you weren’t young anymore. How long had you had waited as a child to hear that your real parents, your birth parents actually wanted you? Any orphan would’ve been happy to hear that their birth parents wanted them.

But now… you had stopped waiting. Somehow, you knew, they weren’t ever coming back. You had made peace with that. You had Ivan. You had Natasha. You had Clint. You had Sam. And most of all, you had Bucky. You had your own little family now. Everything was okay.

"If you are my dad… then I don’t know what to say. Ivan’s the only father I’ve ever had.”

Silence overcame the room as Strange gazed over at Ivan. The brown-haired man kept a stoic face, but inside, he couldn’t help but melt. He had raised you well. He had raised both you and Natalia well, to the best of his ability. And had it paid off. 

“And I don’t want to disrupt that. But, I would like to get a DNA test, if you’re up for it.” Strange offered. You leaned back into Bucky’s embrace, smelling the musky cologne that screamed James Buchanan Barnes. You wet your lips. 

“And… what if it comes out that you’re my dad?” You finally asked. Strange smiled a little, the smile meeting his eyes. “I’d like to get to know you better. I’ve missed out on at least twenty years of your life. I wouldn’t want to miss anymore.” he spoke with a soft smile. “It’s twenty-five years, actually.” You corrected him with a wry smile. Strange chuckled.  
  
“Well, then you certainly get the aging from me. I mean look at me, I don’t look a day past thirty,” he joked. A laugh fell from your lips.

“No you’re right- I can see it.” 

  
  
**_A few days later..._ **

“Ow- James!” 

You yelped as Bucky tackled you onto the floor, a laugh escaping you as Bucky grinned from above you. The two of you were in his kitchen again, Alpine meowing as she walked over, her head up high as the white feline nuzzled the side of your face. She meowed at you. 

“Hi, Alpine. Aren’t you a cute little baby?” You cooed. Alpine purred as you scratched behind her ears. Bucky huffed as he got up. 

“I never thought I’d see the day my cat would get more love than me,” the blue-eyed man huffed. Alpine looked up at her father and meowed as if to say: get over it. Bucky spluttered. 

“You take that back!” Bucky cried as you got up, holding Alpine close to your chest. She hissed in response as she nuzzled into your chest innocently. 

“Okay, that’s it babygirl- you’re grounded.” Bucky huffed as he removed Alpine from your arms. She meowed at you pitifully, paws reaching out in desperation. “Nu-uh. To bed you go, bad girl.” Bucky spoke as he walked to his room, putting Alpine in her bed. He heard your laughter all the way down the hall as his heart thumped in his chest. Alpine meowed up at him. 

“I know, I know. I’ll tell her soon.” Bucky muttered to his cat. Alpine meowed at him. She put her head back down as he headed back to where you were in the kitchen, sitting on his countertop.

“We’re still up for Saturday, right?” You asked. Bucky stopped in his tracks.

Right, Saturday. The rushing feeling appeared in his chest again. Now that he actually knew what it was, he wasn’t as confused. Walking over to where you were on the counter, Bucky peered down at you. He saw the flutter of your eyelashes and the little smile on your face. 

“Yeah. I was thinking… Where do you wanna go? For dinner?” Bucky asked. You frowned as you hopped down from the counter, Bucky holding you steady. 

“I don’t know. Maybe… There's a little bakery down the street from my apartment. Are we… doing it in my apartment?” At Bucky’s nod, you continued, “Alright. But yeah, there’s a bakery down the street from my apartment. We can get some sweets there. There’s a Romanian restaurant there too… we can go there too if you’d like.” You suggested. 

“Sounds great, doll,” Bucky said as you grinned at him. 

“It’s a date then.” 

“You look nervous. Lighten up, man.”

Bucky scowled from where he stood in front of his mirror in the bathroom. His phone was stuck to the mirror by his phone grip. He ran his fingers through his long hair for what seemed like the third time tonight. 

“Barnes. Loosen up, man. You’re just meeting her at the club.” Sam interrupted. 

“And then we’re going on a date. Goddamnit, what do I do, Sam?” Bucky groaned. Sam looked at Bucky through the camera. 

“Be yourself. She loves you. Hell, you could trip on your own feet and she’d still smile at you.” Sam quipped. Bucky glared at him through the camera. 

“Samuel.” He growled. 

“James,” Sam clapped back. Bucky let out another sigh before he gripped the sink, looking down at the tap. 

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this, Sam.”

Even though he went to therapy and got meds to control his PTSD and nightmares, (or even night terrors sometimes in the past), there would be a little voice in his head, questioning if he really was worth all this. 

That voice seemed to always make itself known when he was around you. 

You. Ever since he laid eyes on you, there would always be that voice in his head, telling him that you were too good for him. Every little kind gesture you made towards him, every smile you gave him, or even every time you called him James- it never felt enough. He never felt good enough. 

“You are, Bucky.” Sam looked at him through the phone. 

Sam knew how bad Bucky had it for you, even though the other man would’ve never admitted it in the past. He saw the lingering looks. The way Bucky freely allowed you to brush your fingertips on his metal arm, or how you would be hanging out at Steve and Tony’s mansion together on a couch, while you watched your tv show with the telekinesis girl and the boy gang. You and Tony were really into it, for reasons that Steve and Bucky would never understand. But whatever made the two of you happy.

“You’re good enough for her. She’s good enough for you. Frankly, y’all deserve each other. It’s been a long time comin’, tin man.”

That made Bucky scowl. Only slightly. Looking at Sam’s smug face, Bucky thought of you. He heard your laugh echoing in his head as he looked himself in the mirror, and then he smiled. 

“Feel better, Barnes?”

“Suck a dick, Wilson.”

  
  
  


There was one thing to describe how you felt at this moment. 

Nervous. As you took off your coat, Natasha walked up to you. 

Like everything that you shared in your lives, naturally, you told the redhead everything. Natasha was very proud of the progress. She texted Sam after you had told her you had a date with Bucky, gleefully telling the other man that their plan was working efficiently. Sam was a very happy man after that. _“You okay?”_ she asked.

You could never lie to Natasha Romanoff. So then you said, _“No,”_ with a frown on your face.

_“I don’t know if I’m worth all this, Nattie.”_

Natasha sighed. From where the two of you were at the little nooks in the club, (and because it hadn’t opened yet), the two of you walked towards the bar as Natasha brought out two glasses and placed an ice block in them, pouring some whiskey for the two of you. She slid it over as you sat down. Taking a gulp of the whiskey, it warmed your throat and your stomach. It was like a warm hug after a long day. You weren’t much of an alcoholic, but this whiskey wasn’t so bad. 

Taking a sip of her whiskey, Natasha put her glass down. 

_“Starlight. He loves you. You’re worth it.”_ She said. 

You were baffled. It certainly showed on your face, because Natasha then sighed and buried her face in her hands. 

_“No, he doesn’t.”_ Your gaze fell down on your glass. You swirled the whiskey as you took another gulp, and poured yourself some more. Natasha still kept an eye on you, to make sure you didn’t drink too much before work.

Your mind had been haunted by the ex-sergeant all week, especially tonight. Your thighs rubbed together, trying to get rid of any friction you might’ve thought about at that moment. You hadn’t told Natasha you were sleeping with Bucky tonight, no. Goodness no. She would’ve pried you for every single detail about it, and you really didn’t want to tell her how big Bucky’s dick was. Nope. 

Bucky was always hard to figure out sometimes. Most of the time, the two of you fell into your usual routine, You’d go to Stark Industries, and you’d meet up with him and Sam. Then the three of you would hang out at Sam’s apartment. Or, you’d meet him at Tony’s house parties and greet him before hiding in the bathroom to hide your increasing libido. 

And then there was the podcast. Good god, the fucking podcast. You recorded a new episode after your Q&A session. You made a mental note to upload in the next few weeks. 

_“I don’t know if he can love me after what just happened.”_

_“I mean, I always knew they weren’t coming back. And that’s okay. I’m okay with that now. But with Strange and everything… I don’t know how it feels. I don’t know how it feels to have a real family, with a mom and a dad. Together. Bucky knows what that feels like. He had a proper family. I’m just… I was lonely before I met you and Ivan. I came from nothing. And now with Strange, if he’s really my dad, then… I don’t know. I’ll have everything I wished I had when I was little.”_ _  
_ _  
_ You had wished for a lot of things when you had been living in the orphanage after the family that had adopted you dropped you back.  
  
A family. Money. Happiness. For everything to go away. You watched as some children got adopted and never came back. You watched some unlucky ones like you coming back, looking devastated.  
  
After getting adopted by Ivan and becoming sisters with Natasha, your life had taken a turn. The Romanoff family wasn’t rich by any means, but that didn’t matter to you. The home that Ivan and Natasha had made with you growing up was more than enough. 

Hell, Bucky was enough. You just didn’t know if you were. Would you be enough for him? A frown fell across your face as you took another gulp of your whiskey. 

_“And how do you feel about that? Having all that?”_ Natasha asked. You took another gulp of your whiskey before putting your glass down. 

_“I don’t really give a shit, to be honest. Nothing really is going to change much that I care about. I don’t need more money. I have enough. I mean, if Strange really is my dad, then… it’ll be nice to know him, I guess.”_ You shrugged. 

_“I mean, you’ll technically be considered an heiress then,”_ Natasha replied to you as she took a gulp of her whiskey. 

_“Oh jo-y, I’d be so excited to see all the terrible people I’ll be surrounded by.”_ You replied sarcastically as you finished the glass. This time, you didn’t fill it up, and left it on the counter. Natasha snorted as she looked at you. You seemed to be in better spirits. 

_“Feel better?”_ She asked. You hummed as you slid the ice cube in your mouth, beginning to chew. 

_“Better.”_

  
  
  


It had been around midnight when Bucky made it to the Red Room. As usual, the club was in full swing. Bucky had eaten something before he came, bidding Alpine goodbye and telling her he’d be home in the morning. Bucky was greeted by the red LED lights of the Red Room as he saw people around him with drinks in their hands, hearing laughter and shouts. He saw Talia on a pole, catching a glimpse of the redhead swinging gracefully. She sent him a knowing wink as she caught his eye. 

Bucky had walked around for a couple of minutes, before deciding to sit down at the bar. 

“Evening Bucky. Whatcha want this evening?” Daisy Ward looked at him. The dark-haired woman had her hair braided down her back. Bucky could see the brown-eyed woman smiling at him. 

Bucky had met Daisy before he met Grant Ward, her husband. Daisy worked in the Navy as a programmer. Unlike you and Bucky, she had been with Grant long before she had enlisted. He hit it off with her at the same time he met Sam. 

“Vodka. On the rocks.” Bucky responded. Daisy gave him a smile as she prepared her drink. 

“Your girl’s on tonight. Ivan decided to make her the main dancer.” Daisy said as she finished his drink, sliding it over to him. Bucky swirled the vodka in the cup before he looked at her. 

“Main dancer?” he replied. Daisy smirked. “Yeah. He does a rotation with the baby dancers and the older dancers every other month. Since your girl’s one of the older dancers, she won’t get as many tips or two-hundred thousand dollars,” She sent him a look as she reminded him of the ridiculous amount of money he had spent on you and continued, “but it’ll let the baby dancers watch someone with more experience. That’s pretty much it.” She shrugged. 

Bucky smirked into his cup as he thought about the two-hundred-thousand dollars he had given you. After your little session in the VIP room, you had told Daisy the amount of money Bucky had spent on you and the other woman had rightfully spat out her water. She then called him something in Mandarian that you couldn’t understand, and then the two of you had gone to her apartment she shared with Grant for a little bit. When you looked at the married couple, you couldn’t help but feel a little lonely. They looked so good together. Afterwards, you had gone home, promising the two of them that you would call in the morning. 

“She threw a fit about the money, by the way. Said she didn’t want it.” Daisy spoke as Bucky took a gulp of his vodka. Bucky snorted. 

Yeah. That sounded like you alright. You never asked for any money. You considered it to be rash to ask people for money. You had told Bucky once that asking for money felt like someone giving you charity money. Bucky hadn’t understood at the time, but since your orphan past had been revealed to him, Bucky assumed now that you didn’t like people giving you money because you wanted to do it yourself, and not wanting other people to help. You wanted to prove your own self-worth on your own terms, and not wanted people to help you along the way. 

His stubborn girl. A wry smile appeared on his face. 

“So did she accept it though? Cause I don’t want it back, Daisy.” Bucky replied casually as he gulped the rest of his drink down like it was water. Daisy snorted as she refilled his drink. 

“Yeah, she did. She told Grant about it too. He thought it was hilarious,” Daisy replied with an eye roll and a shake of her head as she leaned her arms against the counter. Bucky took another gulp of his vodka. The music quieted. Bucky’s eyes turned. Daisy smirked, knowing what was about to happen. Suddenly, an electronic song started playing over the speakers. 

**_“I want…”_ **Bucky could see out of the corner of his eye that Talia had stopped dancing, the redheaded woman sliding herself down her pole effortlessly, before leaping off the platform and walking over to the bar. The song continued to play as Bucky turned his head, and Talia had said something, but he couldn’t hear. 

His mouth went dry. His glass was abandoned on the counter. 

“Oh, he’s drooling,” He heard Talia snicker. 

“Close your mouth, Bucky. You’re going to get flies.” Daisy giggled. Talia closed his jaw. Bucky glared at her. Talia snickered into her glass and drank her whiskey. She turned her head towards the woman making her way to the pole. 

Bucky swallowed again. He was lucky that the Red Room’s LED lights were still surrounding him, and that there were a lot of people in the club tonight as his pants tightened. 

Yup. You were going to be the death of him. 

His gaze followed your thighs, watching with dark eyes as your gaze wavered around the room before they landed on the bar. Natasha gave you a thumbs up and Daisy winked at you. 

Bucky looked like a predator stalking its prey. You hadn’t seen him like that since the VIP room. Your heart pounded in your chest. Through the red LED lights, you couldn’t quite see the expression in his eyes. But you saw Bucky watching you as you walked towards the pole, the song you picked still playing. He watched as your right leg hooked onto the pole, watching as you started to push your way up. His gaze was still fixated, and Natasha and Daisy watched you with proud looks on their faces. 

You reached towards the top, watching as Bucky’s jaw tightened as you gazed at him, a coy smirk appearing on your face.

And then the beat dropped. Bucky’s jaw and pants tightened further as he watched you swing down gracefully, a proud smile appearing on his face as you slid down. 

There was his girl. 

“... So Yasha, did you like the show?” Talia asked him. Bucky’s gaze fell from you to the redhead. She was smirking.

“Oh fuck off, Romanoff.” came his grumble. He finished his vodka again and slammed it on the counter. Natasha snickered. The redheaded woman watched as Bucky got up, beginning to walk towards you. 

“Grant owes us twenty bucks each.” Daisy snickered to Natasha. They watched as you finished your dance, Bucky waiting for you. He looked like a lost little puppy.

“So how long do you think they’ll take before they admit their feelings to each other?” Natasha asked Daisy. The Chinese-American woman frowned a little, pouring another shot of whiskey for the stripper.

“Three months,” Daisy spoke. Natasha grinned. The two shook on it as they saw Bucky and you engaging in a conversation. Since you were wearing your heels, you simply leaned up to press a kiss on his cheek. The two women watched as Bucky smiled bashfully at you. Bucky’s arm wrapped around your waist as the two of you began to talk. 

Natasha had been the one to pick out the dress you were wearing tonight. She had come to your apartment, practically storming into your room and nearly ripping your closet apart. She even FaceTimed Wanda, and the duo tore your wardrobe apart, trying to find something for you to wear. An hour later, they decided on an outfit and grabbed a pair of heels for you. Then she thanked Wanda and the two of you went to the club.

“They’re idiots aren’t they?”

“Yup. Total and complete idiots.”

  
  
  


“I’m telling you doll, those cabbage rolls. I could eat those for the rest of my life.” 

A laugh left your lips as the two of you walked out of the Romanian restaurant together. Bucky had an arm wrapped around you as he looked at you.

“Don’t you go to the gym, James? Isn’t that bad for you?” You wondered. Bucky gave you a look of offense. He even made a noise at the back of his throat as the two of you walked up to the little bakery. _“No. I’ll be fine doll,”_ Bucky replied as the two of you walked in.

You gave him a cheeky smile as you walked in. 

“You’re back!”

Maria Hill Danvers beamed at you. The brunette took off her apron and came from behind the counter to hug you. 

“Course Maria, I can’t skip out on the sweets, now can I?” You replied, amused. Maria glanced at Bucky. 

“This your boyfriend?” Maria asked with a smirk. You spluttered. Grinning at the horrified expression on your face, she said, “Oh so he is your boyfriend! You must be James Buchanan Barnes. She talks about you a lot. It’s so nice to meet you in person,” Maria said, extending her hand out. Bucky shook it with a crooked grin on his face. 

_Smug little shit._

“Call me Bucky,” Bucky responded. Maria grinned. 

“Maria Hill Danvers. My wife’s in the back. You want the usual?” Maria said, turning to look at you. 

“Uh-huh. The usual.” You replied, your cheeks still flushed. Maria smirked as she went behind the counter and began to gather your sweets for you. 

_“So you go here often, huh?”_ Bucky asked. 

_“Once a week. Usually, it’s early in the morning but… sometimes they like to give out freebies. I get hungry after my shifts.”_ You replied as Maria handed you the bag of sweets. You started to reach for your purse, but Maria tsked. 

“On the house.” She said. You shook your head, beginning to pick out a twenty. “No. I gotta pay, Maria. I haven’t been here in like a week.” You argued back. Maria shook her head, pushing away your hand. 

“Just for today.” Maria insisted. 

“Maria,” You begged, but she shook her head again. 

“I insist.”  
  
A sigh came from you. 

“I really hate you sometimes. Tell Carol I said hi,” You grumbled. Grinning, she said, “Will do! Treat my girl nicely, will ya Bucky? She’s too cute to pass up.” Maria sent you a wink as you began to drag Bucky out of the bakery in embarrassment. 

“Bye Maria!” you shouted as Bucky laughed. “Have a good night you too!” Maria’s voice yelled as the door closed. 

“Well, she seems nice.” Bucky said as the two of you entered your apartment complex. A scowl appeared on your face as the both of you walked up the third flight of stairs. You lived on the fourth floor, and you usually took the elevator, but when you both had gotten there, someone had already snagged the last one. At Bucky’s insistence, the two of you took the stairs. 

“She’s nice. Most of the time.” You spoke as the two of you reached your apartment. 

Already, your heart was racing. 

This was different. This wasn’t the VIP room. This was your apartment- your home. Your personal space. Sure, Sam had come to your apartment before. But Sam wasn’t Bucky. Bucky was different. The door unlocked with a shaky hand as you walked through the door. 

Immediately, Bucky felt at home. He spotted your little table near the fire escape. Walking through the door, he took his shoes and socks off. You had slipped off your heels and dangled them in your hands. 

“I’ll take your heels so you can take off your coat,” Bucky offered. You gingerly handed your heels over to his awaiting hands as you took off your coat, revealing your low cut purple dress that Natasha and Wanda had picked out for you. Your eyes lowered. 

You really needed to go on another shopping trip to the mall. You probably looked really nervous, because Bucky’s metal hand raised your chin up, and you found yourself gazing into blue eyes that were filled with nothing but warmth. 

Those past few days had Bucky thinking. He had been thinking a lot. He thought about you, and the podcast. Ever since he found out you were the podcaster, he had gone back to listen to a couple of audios he had listened to in the past. Looking at your list, some of the kinks in your podcast made sense. 

Like number twenty-three. The certain episode with number twenty-three was something Bucky was interested in doing. 

But not number thirty. Definitely not number thirty. 

He didn’t mind that you were the podcaster. He didn’t mind at all, really. If anything, it made the podcast listening more enjoyable, because now he didn’t really need to carry the shame around that he thought about you while listening to the audios. 

But somehow he felt like he was betraying you in a sense. You probably didn’t even know that he listened to them. He didn’t know how to break it to you. 

“You’re going to be okay, alright? Go to your room. Wait for me, okay? I’ll get towels.” Bucky said. You nodded. A hand gestured for your heels. Bucky placed your heels in your hands. He pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“That’s a good girl.” 

  
  
  


The soft sliding door of your closet did nothing for your nerves, really. Being a born and bred New Yorker really gave you that minimalist mindset. Your clothes weren’t a lot, but there were some clothes that were on the little shelf you made, in the little hamper boxes. Honestly, you bought that shelf from IKEA. What could you say? It was at a discount. Discounts were always good.

You shuffled around, rearranging some things on your desk as you heard footsteps coming into your room. You turned around, seeing Bucky, his arms draped over with damp towels. 

“I’m going to put these down. You can wait if you want.” Bucky spoke. Nodding, you flopped onto your bed, sinking into the endless layers of blankets and pillows. Bucky put the damp towels around your bed before you felt the bed dipping down a little. He was still dressed. So were you. 

“So… how are we going to do this?” Your voice was full of uncertainty. Your eyes flickered upwards as Bucky took off his jacket, and then lifted his shirt over his head. They were discarded on the floor. Now he was only in his jeans. 

Suddenly you felt like you were in your podcast room. It was hot. Your skin felt warm. You could feel your wetness soaking through the stupid lace panties Natasha and Wanda had picked out for you. 

_“For luck,”_ Natasha had said with a wink. 

Leaning towards you, he said, “You’re going to be on top. It’ll be easier for you. Is that okay?” Bucky asked. 

“N-No. No… that’s fine.” You replied, licking your lips. You watched as Bucky took off his jeans. He hadn’t worn boxers underneath, which made you flashback to your earlier thoughts in the VIP room, wondering if he had gone commando for you, yet again. His jeans joined the small pile of clothes. 

“Can you… can you help me with my dress?” You asked softly. “Anything for you, doll. Turn around.” Bucky instructed, getting onto his knees and scooting over to you. You turned around, getting on your knees and holding your hair up and out of the way as he pulled down the zipper. Bucky let out a low rumble from his chest as a flesh hand slipped under the clipping of your bra. His metal hand helped your dress pool down to your knees. You bunched up the dress and scrambled out of your position for a quick second to throw your dress onto the floor, yanking your now drenched panties down your legs and throwing them onto the floor on top of your dress. You could feel your bra unclasp from behind you. Turning your head, Bucky wore the most shit-eating grin on his face. He looked so proud to have taken it off with one hand. 

“Ha ha, I’m so proud of you,” You bit back sarcastically as Bucky chuckled. Your arms came back towards your shoulders to pull the clasps down towards your wrists and peeled it off. It joined your small pile of clothes. 

“Should I thank Talia for the clothes?” Bucky murmured in your ear, his arms wrapping under your breasts, pulling you back. His breath tickled the hairs on the back of your neck. Your back fell against his broad chest as your head lounged in his metal shoulder. It was a nice feeling from the hot feeling in the back of your neck. 

“Should thank Natasha and Wanda. They nearly ripped my closet apart trying to find that,” you pointed at the pile of clothes on the floor on your side of the bed.

“I’ll make sure to thank them next time,” Bucky spoke with a coy grin. You let out a laugh, subconsciously rubbing your thighs together, trying to relieve yourself of the tension that was going on in between your legs. A sharp smack echoed on your thighs. You yelped. 

_“Stop rubbing your thighs. Come here.”_ Bucky scooted from you to the other side of the bed, laying down. He motioned you to come over. You crawled over, your hands gripping a flesh shoulder and your headboard, your legs kneeling on either side of his head. 

_“Is this okay? Can I sit on your face? We can do another position if you want-”_ You began to stammer, but Bucky’s metal hand gently grazed your face, making you stop. You leaned into the metal hand as Bucky shushed you. 

_“You can do whatever you want, doll. Go on. Sit on my face. I can take it.”_

With the sudden encouragement, you began to slowly lower yourself down onto Bucky’s face slowly. Bucky’s flesh hand gripped your ass firmly, making you whimper. With the new position, you could look down into Bucky’s eyes, seeing the way his blue eyes were brewing with lust. It made you swallow. Your breath wavered as Bucky’s metal hand gripped your shoulder. Both positions from where his hands were, helped you lower your dripping pussy on his face. Bucky groaned, his tongue darting up inside your already wet walls. 

_“Oh fuck- James,”_ you gasped, beginning to move your hips up and down. Bucky groaned, the vibrations sending a shock up your spine, making you let out a soft little whine. His grip on your ass tightened, forcing you to roll your hips down harder against his face. Wet, sucking noises, and the low gasps and moans filled the room as Bucky took your clit in his mouth and sucked. 

Your hips rolled up and down on his face as Bucky’s tongue flattened, hitting the spot that made you cry out in pleasure. Your rhythm against his face slowly quickened, and so did the strokes of his tongue, his strokes continuously hitting the certain spot that made you sob out your orgasm, your thighs shaking as you came. Your grip on your headboard tightened as your body shuddered. Bucky happily slurped up as much of your cum as he could before you lifted up your cunt away from his face. 

Shallow breaths came from you as you said softly, “Part your legs for me.” Confused but wanting to comply, Bucky did as you asked. He watched as you smiled, shifting your legs down as your breasts softly bounced up. His grip on your ass and shoulder loosened as you managed to scoot yourself down to the lower half of his body. Your face was hovering above his cock, eyeing the little happy trail of hair and the pubic hair that had been trimmed for you. You lowered your mouth down, taking his cock in your mouth. 

Bucky swore, his hands, both flesh, and metal, sinking themselves into your hair, gripping it hard. Your fists gathered your blankets in your hands, your knuckles turning white as you moaned. The vibrations made Bucky pant as he grunted out, _“Don’t stop.”_

You hummed. A hand released its grip on the blanket and grasped his shaft firmly as your mouth moved up and down. Bucky hissed as your tongue swirled against the tip of his dick. His chest heaved up and down as his grip on your hair tightened. Between the feeling of lightheadedness and the sounds that Bucky was making- it was making you smirk against his dick.

Bucky grunted as you fully had him down your throat and a shuddering noise that sounded like a choking noise to you was heard as you softly choked on his cock. But due to the sheer size of him, it was muffled. Your jaw loosened as your pace quickened. More noises came from Bucky as he gazed down, seeing your eyes watching him as your lips were wrapped around his cock. 

And his control snapped. He watched with dark eyes as you sucked, heard. His body went rigid as his head fell back onto the pillow as he came. You swallowed as much as you could, your jaw loosening as you swallowed. You released him with a soft pop as you crawled back up to him. 

“Bucky?” Your voice was a little thick. 

“Yeah, doll?” His voice was low. His eyes were still lidded. You giggled a little. Bucky chuckled as his flesh hand reached up to play with your hair. 

“Can you… can you be on top? Please?” Your voice was jittery. Bucky nodded. Guiding your legs, you hooked your thighs on his muscular legs, your arms wrapped around his neck as he flipped the two of you over. Your back fell onto your blankets. Now, Bucky was looking down at you. Your eyes were shining with a bit of nervousness. 

“Please don’t hurt me,” You croaked out softly. Bucky shook his head as he leaned down, kissing your forehead. 

“Never, doll. I’d never hurt you,” he swore. You nodded.

“Can… can I see? When you’re in me.” You asked quietly. Bucky nodded. Flesh hand gripping his cock that was still a little slippery with your saliva, he parted your legs. Slowly, he eased himself in. Entered you inch by inch. Your walls clamped around his cock, gripping him like a vice as your body tried to get used to this new feeling. Bucky exhaled as he looked down at you. Your lips were parted and your eyes were closed in bliss. Your chest heaved up and down, allowing him to see the way your nipples hardened a little. 

His breath caught in his throat. It made him swallow. Slowly, he rocked against you. Your hips thrust up to meet his rocky movements as he groaned. Your nails dug into his shoulder blades, scratching his back. Bucky hissed. Using his metal hand, he rubbed circles on your clit, a low smirk appearing on his lips as you let out a soft keening noise. Your eyes had opened, and they looked a little misty. 

“Are you… are you hurt?” Bucky asked, a tinge of fear in his voice. A shuddering noise left you as you shook your head. 

“No,” you choked out. You were looking up at him, watching how those beautiful baby blues were looking down at you with so much softness and care in them. It made your heart clench. A familiar feeling rushed through you. It was that same feeling whenever you saw him. Whenever you saw him smile. Whenever you saw him smirk and then roll his eyes at something stupid that Sam had said. 

It was that same feeling when he had accepted the cookie from you at Tony’s house party. How a shiver had run through your body when that metal hand you loved so much, brushed against your hand. You knew his metal arm had sensors on it. You knew he could sense how warm your hand was that night.

“No. You- you’re beautiful, James.” your voice was hushed. Your eyes sparkled. 

“I’m okay, James. Really. Just- move.” You said. Bucky’s flesh hand fell upon your face as he held you. The look in his eyes was almost tender. He leaned down to kiss you. Your mouth opened as his tongue slid inside your mouth, licking your teeth and the roof of your mouth. Your tongues dueled for a little before Bucky lifted his head up, pulling his mouth away from yours. 

Slowly, he inched out. He watched as his erection inch out slowly by the grip of his flesh hand, before he inched back in. His eyes gazed back up to you, seeing the blissed look in your eyes. Bucky pushed back in again, hearing a soft wet slick sound. You gasped, Bucky groaned. Flesh hand still gripping his erection, he slid out, and slid back in. With every small thrust in your cunt, he came closer to the final barrier separating the two of you. His metal hand stroked a circle on your clit, making your back arch up a little. His nose ran up from your stomach up to the valley of your breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth. A noise came from you as you gripped your sheets, your knuckles nearly turning white by how hard you were gripping them. 

“Bucky,” you panted. You could feel him getting close.

“Not yet doll,” Bucky grunted, his metal hand stroking circles on your clit faster. He wanted to see you come first. 

“Please,” you whined. You could feel your orgasm creeping on you. 

_“I said not yet, doll.”_ Bucky growled as his metal finger flicked your clit, making you cry out as your orgasm hit you. Your back arched up as your orgasm came over you, and Bucky chose that moment to fully sink in, breaking that final barrier between the two of you. You didn’t feel much pain, only a smidge. Bucky panted, his hair falling in his face. Your hand reached up shakily to part it. Your bodies felt like they were on fire. There was a curling need inside your belly, like a low fire that was beginning to build. 

“Look. I’m inside you.” Bucky spoke to you. He moved a little, allowing you to see where your bodies were connected together, and you saw where his erection was buried inside you. 

You felt like you were going to cry again. You could feel a tear rolling down your cheek. How long had you thought about this moment? Dreamed about this moment? You choked up. A flesh and metal hand came to wipe your cheeks. 

“Don’t cry, doll. It’s okay. We’re here now. No more waiting.” Bucky murmured softly. He leaned down to kiss you again. He broke away from you a couple of seconds later. 

“Hold onto me.” 

Your arms gripped his shoulders as your legs hooked onto his thighs. Bucky pulled out of you, before thrusting right back in, sending your head back into the pillows with a gasp. Bucky swore under his breath. You were so tight. With his hands gripping your shoulders, he pulled out of you and slammed right back in. The wet, skin slapping skin noises started to be heard as Bucky found a rhythm, and your hips matched his thrusts in return. 

Thoughts swarmed in Bucky’s mind as he took your other nipple in his mouth, sucking greedily. 

_Why? Why hadn’t he thought to do this before?_

_Why had it taken him so long to do this? Why was he such an idiot?_

Letting go of your nipple, he returned his attention to your other one, getting it just as puffy and wet as the first. Releasing it with a soft pop, he kissed all the way up to your neck, biting and sucking on your collarbones before sucking hard onto your neck, leaving a mark there. Talia would see it, he made sure of it. Lips brushing over your ear, he said, “You should really get nipple piercings.” 

And then you came again. A harsh cry escaped you as your walls clamped around his cock, locking him in. Bucky grunted. 

“Keep talking. Tell me what you’d do if I got them.” you gasped. 

“You’d look so good in them-” Bucky grunted as his hands moved down to grip your breasts in his hands. Your tits fit perfectly under his hands. He never wanted to let go. His cock slid out of you and slammed right back in, determined to ride out your orgasm with you. Now that he was in you, he never wanted to leave. 

“They’d make your tits look good. Real good doll. Make em look perky and shit.” Bucky spoke through gritted teeth and he continued to fuck into you. Your fingernails sank into his shoulders, leaving scratch marks on his shoulder blades. Bucky hissed. 

“I’d tug on em too. Especially-” he grunted, hitting that certain spot that made you scream, “especially if you rode me. Roll em between my fingers till you came all over my dick. Bet I can make you come by just rubbing those little piercings. You’d like that, wouldn’t you doll?” He grunted in your ear. 

“Yes,” you gasped. Your walls were beginning clamp around him again, and Bucky knew he was getting close. He wasn’t going to stop at one round, oh no. He was going to paint your pussy with his cum all night long. 

“First thing on our list then. We’re gettin’ those piercings and then you’re gonna ride me, got it?” Bucky demanded. He could feel that coil in his stomach beginning to break. He was getting closer. 

“Yes. Yes, yes, we’ll definitely get those first.” You nodded with him in agreement. 

“First?” Bucky questioned as he hit that certain spot in you that made you see stars. Your mouth dropped open in a silent cry. 

“Mhmm,” you replied through gritted teeth as Bucky hit it again. This time, you did cry out. 

“What’s in that pretty little head of yours, doll? Go on. Tell me.” Bucky purred in your ear.

“VCH piercings,” you moaned. 

“V-what?” Bucky replied, confused. He shuddered when he slammed into you again. 

“Vertical Clit Hood piercings,” you gasped. “They’re- Jesus fuck- oh- they’re those piercings you get- when- oh god- they’re that little skin your vagina. I stumbled on it one day and- I really decided I wanted one,” you groaned. Bucky’s dick hardened at that thought. He’d have to look into that. 

“You’d look real good with a silver piercing. Goes good with your skin tone,” Bucky replied. You laughed shakily. Bucky grinned above you before he slid out, lingering just a little to see a slight look of frustration before thrusting right back in. You cried out, and Bucky shuddered as he came, blood roaring in his ears. He slumped over, but he didn’t put his weight down on you. Heavy pants filled the room. 

“You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Bucky asked as he shifted, laying down next to you. The two of you cuddled up together, his erection still buried inside you. 

“I- I can take it out-” Bucky started, but you shook your head. 

“No. No- keep your dick in. It’ll... It’ll cross off number four, too. Cockwarming.” You spoke. Bucky hummed. He had nearly forgotten that. 

“Think we crossed off number eleven too… sitting on your face…” you murmured. Bucky chuckled, kissing your temple. You smiled up at him lazily, the afterglow beginning to show. 

“We’re not gonna stop at just one, right? We gonna keep goin’?” You asked. “As long as you want, doll. As soon as you’re up for it again.” Bucky promised you. When you smiled again, Bucky’s insides melted. 

He’d fallen in love with you just a bit more. This was good. Really good. He pressed another kiss on your forehead. Then you slid on top of him, straddling him. Leaning down, you asked, “How do you feel about crossing off another number?” 

Bucky smiled.


	6. Number Twenty-Three and Britney Spears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | Some trigger warnings for this chapter. There is a PSTD induced nightmare, some demiphobia, and some more references to Bucky and the Reader's PTSD. This chapter became such a monster, haha. Have a full plate of mostly fluff and smut!
> 
> Sorry this update took a while, I've been really focusing on my Lance Tucker series and his crazy relationship with his girlfriend and getting that all cleared up before I do anything else, lol. But not to worry, I'll get back to loving Buckaroo once I'm done with working on the god of gymnastics and his brand of crazy.

Bucky should’ve stopped while he was ahead. He had woken up before you and opened his phone, seeing that Sam, Tony, Steve, and Talia had texted him. 

**_Sam: R you home???_ **

**_Sam: Really Barnes are you home_ **

**_Sam: Barnes_ **

**_Sam: Tinman_ **

**_Sam: JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES_ **

**_Steve: Jerk, Sam texted me saying you’re not answering your phone. Where are you?_ **

**_Tony: Barnes tf are you doing_ **

**_Tony: y are u not answering your phone_ **

**_Talia: James, my sister isn’t answering her phone. Are you two okay?_ **

Bucky frowned. His erection was still inside you, buried inside your warmth. He added all four of them to a group chat. 

**_Bucky has created the group chat: Why Are You All Blowing Up My Phone_ **

**_Bucky: Hey guys, Talia’s sister and I were busy last night. What happened?_ **

**_Sam: Omg did you finally get laid?_ **

**_Steve: Sam!_ **

**_Tony: wait I wanna hear this_ **

**_Talia: Omg, she’s going to need to spill the details_ **

**_Talia: You’re welcome by the way Yasha_ **

**_Talia: You can thank me later_ **

**_Sam: Don’t you mean he can thank US, Romanoff? It wasn’t just you helpin Babygirl smh_ **

**_Talia: Whatever Wilson_ **

**_Bucky: Can you please shut up_ **

**_Bucky: Why were you guys blowing up my phone_ **

**_Tony: Dude Ivan and Strange were asking for you guys last night. Somebody got pictures of Strange and Ivan at the hospital._ **

**_Bucky: What???_ **

**_Tony: Yeah. We’re meeting at his house. I’ll send u the address_ **

**_Bucky: Okay. Thanks Tony_ **

A soft groan made him shift his focus. You were beginning to wake up. Bucky looked down at your sleepy face, smiling. 

“... Morning,” you spoke, your voice still slurry with sleep. You yawned. You shifted a little before your gaze fell down where Bucky’s erection was still buried inside you. That made you give him a sleepy smile as you leaned into him, your head nested on his chest. Bucky stroked your hair. After a couple of minutes, he spoke.

“Doll. We gotta get up.” 

“No,” you whined. Bucky looked down at you. 

“Doll, c’mon. It’s an emergency.” Bucky tried again, but you only whined again. You didn’t want to get up, especially with him inside you. Was it wrong that you wanted to stay like this? 

Honest to god, hand on the Bible, you never thought this would’ve happened. To think that James Buchanan Barnes wanted you in the way you wanted him… it was a dream far away for you. It had been a dream come true for you. You never thought anything like this would’ve happened. Sam and Natasha had heard you talk about Bucky whenever you saw them. Being both Bucky’s best friends, (Steve would always reign supreme in that department shut up Sam), the brown-eyed man and the redhead were always around him. 

Bucky might’ve been stupid, but they weren’t. Sam eagerly texted the group chat, (because why wouldn’t they have one), telling Natasha, Clint, Steve, Tony, Vision, and Wanda all about the things that Bucky would say about you.

But you didn’t know where the two of you stood. Were the two of you friends with benefits now? In a relationship? You didn’t know. 

_“James.”_

_“Doll. Get up. Now.”_

You made a noise of protest as Bucky slid out of you. Bucky couldn’t help but feel a little dejected too. You had been so warm around him. He hadn’t wanted to pull out of you either. But, the two of you had somewhere to be. A disgruntled noise came from you as you grumbled and got up. A sharp smack made you let out a startled noise. Bucky looked at you, a hard look on his face. You flushed. 

“Make it quick, doll. We got somewhere to be right now.” Bucky spoke. You frowned as you headed out of your room, heading for the bathroom. 

“Where are we going?” You asked as you started your shower. The roar of the shower made you smile. Showers in the morning were always great. 

“Strange’s house. Tony texted me. They got pictures of him at the hospital.” 

You nearly dropped your toothbrush in your sink. Horror filled you. You could barely comprehend Bucky walking into the bathroom, still naked as he held you from behind. He rested his head on your shoulder as he looked at you, his blue eyes looking at you with concern. 

“You okay?” He asked. You were looking down at your bathroom sink, trying to recollect your thoughts. Your head lifted up as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. 

“I… I don’t… I know if I can… do this. What if Strange is my dad? I don’t… I don’t want to be an heiress, Bucky. I don’t want people following me around. I’m happy. I’m happy like this. I’m happy with the job I have. Sure, it’ll be nice if Strange is my dad but… I haven’t had a real dad in twenty-four years. What if he hates my job? What he hates me?” You were going hysterical now, panic rising up in your throat. 

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, doll. If he does, I’ll beat him up and you can bail me out of jail,” Bucky smirked. You gave him a look as he snickered. 

“I’m not bailing your ass out of jail. That’ll be Sam and Steve.” You clapped back as you began to make your way into the shower. Bucky’s laughter followed you inside. The shower door closed. You yelped as you were suddenly pushed against the wall.

“We’re gonna cross number six off of your list, babe.” You glanced up into Bucky’s blue eyes. They looked hungry. Then he swooped down, hands tangled in your already wet hair, kissing you hungrily. You responded in kind, your fingers tangling themselves in his long hair as Bucky’s tongue swiped against your lower lip. A gasp fell from your lips as Bucky entered you. You moaned into his mouth. Bucky smirked against your lips. He let out a low groan when you pulled away.

 _”I thought it was supposed to be important that I got up,”_ you said with a snicker. Bucky allowed himself to smirk as he suddenly pulled out you, making you whine. Your whine turned into a choked noise of surprise as your back smacked against the wall. With his lips on your ear, he whispered, “guess I found something more important to focus on.”

And all thoughts of getting up flew out the window.

  
  
  


“Tony and Steve’s house is better.” 

Bucky laughed. The two of you were in your car, sitting outside of the gated mansion. You were waiting to be called in by security. 

Because of course, he had security. You quickly gave your ID and were allowed inside. You found a place to park.

“You think his surveillance cameras caught that?” Bucky wondered as the two of you got out of the car. 

“Nah,” you said, “camera only gets the video footage. No audio.” A beep signaled your car was locked and Bucky’s metal hand entwined with yours. You looked at each other. 

“Is this okay?” Bucky asked, a little nervous. Smiling, you leaned up, getting up on your tiptoes, (because Bucky was just too fucking tall, goddamn it), and pulled him into an innocent kiss. Bucky made a surprised noise at the back of his throat. Your phone started ringing. You broke the kiss with a frustrated growl. You pulled your phone out of your pocket, seeing **_Nattie_** flashing over your phone screen.

 _“Nattie I swear-”_ you growled into the phone. 

_“We can see you, smartass.”_ You heard Clint clap back. The two of you stared at the open window, where a fuming Natasha was glaring at Clint, who had her phone in his ear as he wore the most shit-eating grin on his face. Natasha saw the two of you and waved from her spot at the window.

“I’m going to kill him. I'm going to wipe that damn smirk off his face and I’m going to kill him and throw his body parts in the ocean,” you grumbled lowly under your breath. 

“Still can hear you.” 

“Suck my fucking dick, Barton.”

Strange had Oreos. 

You loved Oreos.

But most importantly, he had vanilla Oreos. You had opened a sleeve and had practically ripped into it. Perched on Bucky's lap, you happily munched on yet another oreo. 

"Hey!" Clint complained. When he tried swiping one, you swatted his hand away. He made a noise of outrage. "C'mon! Save some for the rest of us!" Your response was giving him the middle finger. Bucky took out a vanilla Oreo and munched on it. Clint made a noise of outrage.

 _”Tasha! How come James gets an Oreo and I don’t?”_ The blonde-haired man complained in Russian.

 _”Because he didn’t steal my phone,”_ Natasha clapped back as Bucky tossed her an Oreo. Clint wore a look of horror as she ate it in front of him.

“Oooh, are you giving out free Oreos? Can I have one?” 

Tony walked in, followed by Steve to gave Bucky a fist bump. The other dark-haired man looked at you. You held the sleeve over to him. 

“Oh come on! I said I was sorry!” Clint complained as Tony took two Oreos, handing one to his fiancée. Steve munched on it as Tony shifted, sitting on his lap. 

“Ooh, I know what you’re saying now. These are delicious,” Tony agreed with the statement that you had made a couple of months ago that vanilla Oreos were just as good as the regular ones. 

You hummed in agreement. 

At least someone agreed with you. 

“So, you and Barnes finally got laid, huh?”

Someone choked on their Oreos.

You had choked on your Oreo that you had been eating. Bucky’s cheeks colored in embarrassment. A noise even came from you. 

“Tony,” Steve said. Tony had the most shit-eating grin on his face. Clint snickered into Natasha’s shoulder. Something sounding like the bathroom door opening and closing was heard.

“Aw, I can see it!”

God, you wanted to dig yourself into a hole and never come out. Sam Wilson looked at his two best friends with the biggest smirk on his face as he made his way to the big couch that Clint and Natasha were lounging on and stole the last cushion.

“See what?” Clint asked. Turning to him, Sam replied, “Why, the afterglow on Babygirl of course. It’s so bright. You can even see that shit from space. Ya know, like that highlighter trend that was on Instagram for a while with those… what do you call them… they do makeup?” Sam wondered.

“Beauty gurus,” Steve added. Sam nodded. 

“I can see it now,” Clint nodded thoughtfully as he looked at you. You could only squeak and sink into Bucky’s arms, which were wrapped around you protectively. Said man was giving everyone in the room the stink eye. 

Did Bucky want your sex life shared? 

Absolutely not. 

Did Bucky know that everyone in the room knew about your demisexuality? 

Yes. Yes, he did. 

But did Bucky feel just the tiniest bit greedy about not wanting to tell anyone? 

Again, yes. Utterly and completely. To him, any discussion of what happened last night, and this morning in your shower, was not to be discussed. It was between the two of you. Bucky never complained when Tony would snicker about how Steve was in bed sometimes. Not that Bucky needed to know that, either. 

Bucky wasn’t judgemental. He wasn’t a bigot. He just didn’t really want to know how big Steve’s dick was. 

Sometimes Tony Stark, soon to be Rogers, had no shame whatsoever. Bucky wondered how he was kept so much in his place. 

Oh right. Pepper, Rhodey, and Steve did that job. 

“Good. You’re all here.”

The six of you turned to see Strange walking through the door with Ivan. At the sight of you sitting on Bucky’s lap, both men raised an eyebrow. 

Strange had decided at that moment that yes, you and Barnes were dating. It didn’t really bother him. He hadn’t been around for you for most of your life, and besides, you were an adult. You could make your own decisions. 

Ivan on the other hand was wearier of Bucky’s intentions towards you. 

Case in point, he knew just how much you were in love with him. Natalia had told him how hard you pinned for the former sergeant. Being the only father figure in your life, he was worried for you.

Because when it came to processing emotions, James Buchanan Barnes had no idea how to do just that after he came home from overseas. 

Bucky used to know how to be around women before he enlisted. It ran through him like water and came so naturally. After coming back home though, Bucky felt like something was missing. Like all the pieces didn’t align together anymore. Talking to women seemed like such a daunting task now. 

But not around you. Somehow, he always knew what to say around you. You didn’t push him, didn’t ask about his time in the army. You didn’t ask him about how it felt to see his brothers in arms being shot and killed in front of him or anything of that nature. 

No. Never. Instead, you asked him about his day. How he thought about what the trees looked like that day. How nice the sky looked today. And how thankful you were to have him in his life.

It should’ve been the other way around. Bucky should’ve told you how lucky he was, to have you in his life. Other than Talia, Sam, and Steve- he never felt the slightest bit uncomfortable with you whenever the two of you hung out together. 

It was just the feelings that made him confused. The denial of said feelings, really. 

Maybe Talia should’ve smacked him on the head much earlier. It would’ve made things more simple. 

“I’ve asked my lawyers to pay off the reporters to not leak the pictures. But, there have been a few articles written already. It’s only going to get worse from here on out, I’m so sorry.”

You nearly went rigid in Bucky’s lap. Your brain was screaming at you to just run and flee out of the mansion. 

Of course, you had wanted a proper family when you had been younger. Your younger self would’ve jumped at the joy of a normal, happy family. Sure, Strange was loaded too. So that might’ve been a plus.

But this?

No. 

No. 

This was not what you wanted. 

You did not want to be followed around by paparazzi. You did not want to be pestered about your love life. Or your sex life. Your life in general. Nope. Nada.

You did not want to become another Britney Spears. That documentary made you hate her father even more. You were definitely going to have to listen to your queen Britney on your way home with Bucky. It would be the only thing to calm you down. 

“They’ll have her on the tabloids. They’ll follow her around like she’s a piece of meat.” 

By now, there should’ve been a neon sign that was in front of Strange telling Bucky, “You’re so dating my long-lost daughter that I only met a few weeks ago,” flashing in front of him. 

Sadly, there was no such sign. 

“I know that. But that’s just what she’ll have to deal with. Nobody wants that. But those reporters… the journalists… they’re persistent. There’s only so much I can do.” 

Boy did Tony and Steve feel for you. They really did. Tony, being the CEO of Stark Industries. He had gotten the company after Howard and Maria Stark passed away in a car accident. The person was brought to justice, and Tony had only been twenty-one-years-old. Suddenly he had been thrust into the limelight. It had led to drugs, a sex addiction, and Steve. Tony and Steve had met when they had been in a therapy session together. The two of them hadn’t wanted to rush into a relationship together so quickly. It simmered overtime. Only when did they get their heads on straight did they enter into a relationship together. Now they were as happy as they could be. 

“Which is why we need to set that appointment.” 

Sam choked on his Oreo. Strange looked at him. 

“‘M fine,” Sam said, gasping for air. Clint handed him a cup of milk from the coffee table. Sam might’ve chugged the glass. 

“The DNA appointment? Yeah, I can do that. What day?” You asked as you managed to get your head on straight. 

_Focus. You needed to focus._ Bucky’s arms, both flesh, and metal were still wrapped around you like a little cocoon. It made you feel safe. He always made you feel safe. 

“What days are you free?” Strange replied. 

“I have Mondays off. But I don’t go to work until eight PM.” You shrugged as you began pulling out your phone from your pocket. 

“Where do you work?”

This time, you went rigid in your seat on Bucky’s lap. 

Oh no. 

This would be the time where Strange would probably look at you in disgust because of your job. 

This would be great. 

“I uh… I work at a strip club. It’s the Red Room. Have you heard of it?” You responded, a little awkwardly. 

“Mhmm. Heard of it. Never been there though. Strip clubs aren’t my scene.” Strange hummed. You nearly breathed out an internal sigh of relief.

“So your boyfriend knows, right?’ 

That you were not expecting. You blinked at him, trying to digest what he could’ve been suggesting, and then you stared back at Bucky, who looked even more embarrassed now. 

First your sex life, and now this? Bucky didn’t know how more scandalized he could feel for you.

“He’s not- we’re not-” 

Good god, did Natasha and Sam want to smack your faces. How long would this circus go on for? You two were clearly in love with one another, for god’s sake! Even a blind person could see that you were in love with each other. Natasha and Sam looked at you, giving you the _are-you-really-saying-this-right-now_ look. 

Really, this was atrocious!

An insult to their hard work! 

“They’re dating,” Clint came to the duo’s rescue. He gave you a look that said, _shut up and let me talk,_ and smiled at Strange and Ivan. 

“Been awhile coming too. How long have we been waiting again, Tasha?” He turned to his girlfriend. Natasha gave you a sour look. 

“Four years,” came her bitter response. 

“It was just as long as Rhodey and Tasha’s sister came over to our house to watch Hamilton for the first time,” Tony huffed. You scowled, giving him the stink eye. 

“You have a good TV, Tony.” Came your snipped response. 

“So? You have your own TV! Better yet, why didn’t you go and watch it with Barnes?” Tony shot back. 

“Bucky didn’t even know what Hamilton was before I told him, asshole!” 

“Told him? Told him? More like you watched it on the Hamilton Instagram page and screamed about it to the group chat over FaceTime!” 

“Shut up Tony! At least I have interests other than screwing my fiancée every other weekend!”

Tony gasped. He stood up from where he was sitting with Steve, pointing a finger at you. You got off of Bucky’s lap, a fire burning in your eyes.

“Just because you and Barnes hooked up doesn’t mean you can slander me-”

“Then don’t slander the art that is Hamilton to my face, Stark-”

“Or what Romanoff? What are you going to do? Kick me in the face with your stripper pole?’ Tony shot snarkily. You growled.

“Oh, I’ll do more than kick you in my face with my stripper pole Stark-” You snapped back.

As your bickering with Tony got more intense, Ivan sighed and turned to Strange. 

“She can do Mondays. She's free anytime on those days. Unless she isn’t having sex with James.” 

“Noted,” Strange replied, looking at you while you bickered with Tony over Hamilton. 

If you were his daughter, he’d safely say that you got the hotheadedness from him. And he fully heartily approved of your relationship with Bucky.

  
  
  
  
  


_**A few weeks later...** _

The day of your second date with Bucky, he had a night terror. 

Luckily, your date was on a Monday. He had taken a nap before coming to pick you up. 

He hadn’t had a nightmare for a while. His medication usually controlled his night terrors.

But not this time. 

This time, he dreamed he was back overseas again. He had been on the ground. He had been holding one of the men that had died on duty. But instead of him, it was you. You had been in his arms, choking on your own blood. Bucky remembered the man had a bullet wound that was fatal. He hadn’t lived. Bucky had held him, tried getting him to safety. By the time they had gotten to the medical bay, his partner had been gone. 

Bucky woke up with a shout. He must’ve been tossing and turning in his sleep because his blankets were ruined. Sweat ran down his face. Tears were evident. Alpine jumped onto his bed, walking over to her daddy, and meowed, licking his face as if to say, _I’m here._

“I’m okay,” Bucky whispered hoarsely to Alpine, “‘M okay Alpine.” 

Alpine only meowed again and rubbed her face onto his cheek. Bucky held onto his furry little companion, rubbing her head. His heart beat wildly in his chest. Eventually though, he calmed down. Alpine meowed again, her blue eyes looking up at him. Blinking. Making sure her daddy was okay. 

And then he got the idea. He bolted upright, scaring Alpine, who hissed loudly. 

“Sorry, sorry. How do you think she’d like flowers?” Bucky blurted out. Alpine tilted her head at him. 

She meowed in response. Bucky had a plan. First, he needed to call his therapist. And then he’d buy you some flowers. Then, the two of you would go to the science museum like you always did together. 

“Okay. How about food? Chocolate-covered strawberries? Or just chocolate?” Bucky asked. Alpine meowed. 

“Chocolate?’ 

Alpine didn’t answer him. Bucky nodded, understanding her answer. 

“Chocolate-covered strawberries with white chocolate drizzle.” 

Alpine meowed in agreement. 

“Okay. Flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries with white chocolate drizzle it is.”

“Your closet looks hideous.”

Natasha was rummaging through your closet, throwing out clothes left and right. She looked at a red tank top and made a noise, and threw it out. 

No. Did you not have a sense of fashion whatsoever? You were her sister, for god's sake! How did you survive twenty-five-years on this green Earth? 

You hadn’t, she decided. No. After this, you and she were going on a much-needed shopping spree at the mall. You were going to clean out your wardrobe and buy new clothes. 

“Nattie! That’s my favorite tank top!” You exclaimed as you got up from your bed, grabbing your precious red tank top of joy. 

“It’s ugly,” Natasha told you seriously. You clutched your tank top. 

“I’ve had this since I was fifteen, Nattie!” You replied incredulously. Natasha made a noise that sounded like one of concern.

“We’re throwing that out,” Natasha said as she snatched it out of your hands. You gave her a look of horror, 

“Nattie!” You said. 

“No! You’re twenty-five-fucking-years-old, not fifteen! We’re going shopping this weekend!” Natasha announced. You made a noise at the back of your throat that sounded like you disagreed. 

“My wardrobe is just fine, thank you!” You argued back.

Did Natasha believe you? 

No. 

Never. 

Not in a million years.

She and Wanda were going to clean out your closet this weekend, and then the three of you were going to go on a massive shopping spree at the mall. 

“So how was your first time with Yasha?” 

You spat out your milkshake. Natasha only blinked at you innocently. Cheeks flushed, you glared at her. 

“Not telling.”

“Come on,” Natasha replied, “I want to know the juicy details. I’m your sister!”

“No.” You responded firmly. She gave you a look.

_“Nattie. For the last time- no.”_

“Come on, just one thing!” Natasha protested as she took another piece of clothing from your closet and looked at it. She made a noise at the back of her throat that sounded like a cat being skinned alive and threw it into the donation bag. At this rate, your entire closet would be empty. 

Well, unless she didn’t go through the baskets. 

“Oh my god!”

Never mind. Natasha held up what looked like lingerie in her hands. You made an alarming noise in your throat as you snatched it from her hands. 

“My student debt was the most horrifying thing I had seen before- that,” Natasha scrunched her face up in disgust.

“Nattie!”

“No! We’re going on a shopping spree with Wanda this weekend! You’re a new woman! You’re dating Yasha! You are not doing your kinky fuckery with him in these clothes!” Natasha shouted. 

“Nattie! My neighbors could hear you! Calm down!” You screeched. Natasha huffed and threw it in the trash bag. 

You were not keeping that- that- whatever the hell it was. That would not classify as clothing. That shouldn't have been classified as clothing to anyone with eyeballs. Anyone with eyes could see how hideous it looked. 

A coy smirk appeared on her lips.

You hadn’t disagreed with dating Yasha. Catching onto said smirk, you paled. 

Whenever Natasha Romanoff smirked, it wasn’t good. No, whenever she smirked, it meant shit was about to go down. 

“You didn’t disagree with dating Yasha.” She eyed with a smirk. 

Truth be told, you didn’t know where you stood with the metal-armed-man. Were you dating? Were you friends with benefits? Were you just two people in a normal sub/dom relationship with no feelings attached?

It was truly a tricky subject. 

You shrugged. 

“I dunno… I dunno even if we’re dating. He hasn’t… we haven’t… said anything yet.”

Natasha felt like the world was going to end. 

For the love of everything that was holy, she didn’t think you and Yasha were that dumb when she cooked up this plan with Sam. It hadn’t been hard either, she knew you pinned hard for her close friend. Convincing you and ironing out the list though, had been a challenge. 

What she had seen on that damnable list made her eyebrows raise. She could say she was just the slightest bit concerned about the number where you had described having sex over Yasha’s desk. Other than that, everything on the list flew with her.

_Yasha._

God, did he not learn _anything_ from what the redheaded woman had told him in the damn VIP room? Not to mention, the VIP room smelled a bit like sex when she got in, so there must’ve been hella touching involved, she knew that much. 

Maybe that metal arm was getting to his head. She probably needed to smack those metal gears in his head harder to help him focus. 

“Are you going to ask eventually?” Natasha questioned you. You chewed on your lip a little. You thought about it. 

“Maybe.” 

And somehow, she had a feeling that word was going to bite you in the ass. Natasha picked up another thing from your closet. It was an orange sweater. She made a noise of disgust. 

But this? Yeah, this had to go. It was going in the trash bag. 

  
  


_**Later that night...** _

_Knock. Knock._

A metal hand faltered. Bucky resisted the urge to run his fingers through his shaggy hair. 

But he couldn’t. 

Because he had a box of chocolate-covered strawberries with white chocolate drizzle on top with one hand. And he was holding your favorite flowers with the other. 

So basically, his hands were full.

The door opened. Bucky swallowed when he saw you. Dressed in your t-shirt and jeans, you smiled at him. You hadn’t put on your shoes yet, but fluffy socks adorned your feet. Makeup had been applied to your face. 

Not that you needed it, in Bucky’s opinion. But whatever made you happy, he’d support. 

“Um, these are for you,” Bucky said awkwardly, holding out the box and the bouquet. Your eyes lit up. 

“Oh! You brought me my favorite flowers? You didn’t have to do that,” You said as you took the flowers from him. Bucky smiled sheepishly as he walked in, the door closing behind him. His shoes were left at the door as you walked to your closet, finding a vase. Bucky heard humming in the kitchen as you filed the vase up with the flowers and water.

“You think they’d look nice at the door?” You asked him as you held up the vase, looking at the little table you had at your door. You frowned. No. The vase wouldn’t fit. 

“Maybe in the living room?” Bucky suggested as he put the box down on the counter. You tilted your head, thinking about it. 

The living room didn’t sound so bad. Besides, it might look nice. Good pop of color with all the dark aesthetic you had going on.

“You’re a lifesaver, Jimmy.” You sent him a coy grin as his cheeks flushed. As you made your way to the living room and set the vase on the little stand, you admired the room. 

Oh yeah. This was a nice pop of color for the room. Made it look more lively. Maybe Natasha would stop bitching about how dark your apartment looked. Not your fault that you liked the darker color palette. 

_Jimmy._

Really, only Rebecca, his younger sister, called him that. She was attending college now at NYU. Becca would be the fieriest lawyer New York had ever seen. She had gotten a full scholarship. Apparently, she wrote her essay on how the social structures of the fifties were just as bad to men as they were to women. The youngest Barnes member passed her essay with flying colors. Bucky was pretty proud. 

“Doll.” 

“Yeah?” You had turned to look at him. Bucky opened the box up. You could pick up the wafting scent of chocolate. 

“Is that…” your voice trailed off. Bucky gave you a boyish smirk. “Chocolate dipped strawberries with a white chocolate drizzle,” he affirmed. 

“Can we eat a few before we go? We can just leave it in my fridge,” You suggested. Bucky nodded. He handed you a chocolate-dipped strawberry when you entered the kitchen. 

“Where’d you get them?” You asked him after you had taken a bite. Oh, it was delicious. You forgot the last time you had a chocolate-dipped strawberry. 

“The bakery,” Bucky replied. “The bakery I took you to last time?” You inquired. Bucky gave you a smirk in response. Your cheeks colored. 

“I met Carol. She’s very nice.” Bucky said as he threw the top of the strawberry in the trash. You could see some strawberry juice trickling down his chin. 

“She’s usually like that. You’ve- you’ve got something, yeah- right there,” you said, pointing to the strawberry juice trickling down his chin. Bucky wiped it away with his hand. 

“Ew! No Sarge. Wash your hands.” You said as Bucky leaned a little closer to you. You shoved the man towards the sink. You heard him laugh as he washed his hands. Closing the box, he scooted over so you could wash your hands too. He put the box in your fridge and shut the door. 

“You ready to go?”

The place was packed. You and Bucky had walked in, hand in hand. He had a glove to cover his metal hand, and a long-sleeve shirt to cover his arm. You had been holding onto his metal hand, not caring that he wore a glove over it. Your hand had looped into his metal one so easily as if you had been doing it all your life. 

“Doll! Look! Saturn’s spinning!” Bucky said enthusiastically. Some people stared at the two of you. You had laughed and looked at the spinning planet of Saturn. 

“You know why Jupiter has so many moons?” Bucky asked you as the two of you left the display to look at another one. 

“Why?” You asked.

“Because our solar system is named after the Roman gods and goddesses. Except for the sun and the moon, those have different gods and goddesses too.” Bucky explained as the two of you stopped a display of Jupiter. 

Bucky was right. On the little plaque, explained the planet Jupiter, and all of his moons that surrounded the planet. 

“Jupiter… that’s Zeus, right? King of the gods?” You replied, trying to rack your brain. Bucky nodded. He had a smile going on his face, that made him look years younger. He looked like how he used to before he enlisted. You could see the scruff on his beard. It made you smile. Gush, almost. 

“And the biggest manwhore on the planet,” Bucky replied with an eye roll. 

“The problems in Greek Mythology would’ve been avoided if Zeus didn’t whip out his dick every five seconds because he saw a woman walking around. I mean, that’s how Heracles was made.” Bucky pointed out. 

“Heracles? Don’t you mean Hercules?” You questioned as you looked at Jupiter again. 

“Nah. Heracles was his Greek name. His Roman name is Hercules.” Bucky clarified for you. You frowned, turning to him. 

“Disney lied to me.” Bucky chuckled. 

“Yeah, well, they lied when they said he was the son of Zeus and Hera. His mom was actually Alcmene. And the consummation was three days.” Bucky recounted with a snicker. Your eyes widened in shock. 

_“Three days?”_ You spoke hushed in Russian. Bucky continued to snicker as he pulled you away from the Jupiter display. 

_“The gods had great stamina,”_ Bucky snickered. 

_“Yeah, I can see that.”_ You muttered in horror. Bucky only chuckled. When you looked at him, seeing him smiling as the two of you walked through the science museum together, you couldn’t help but smile too. It made butterflies flutter in your stomach as you observed the man you were walking with. 

Bucky looked like he had been sculpted like a Greek God himself. Strong jawline, bronze-kissed skin, blue eyes, and messy chestnut hair. Broad shoulders, and not to mention his abs. He looked almost beefy. You were almost small compared to him.

Did it bother you?

Hell no. If anything, it made your attraction to the man greater. 

But you remembered your words from the podcast. This, going to the science museum with Bucky, seeing how happy he was… a hollow feeling appeared in your chest as you remembered that Bucky didn’t like you in that way. He was just doing this out of obligation to Sam. Sam must’ve convinced him to do this with you. Why else would he have done this? Why else had he slept with you? 

After all, sleeping with people didn’t really need feelings in the equation. People had friends with benefits all the time, right? 

So why would this be any different? 

Life would go back to normal after this. Your life would move on. You could stomach the fact that the guy you were hopelessly in love with didn’t like you back. 

It would be fine. 

Everything would be fine. 

You’d be okay. 

You were going to be just fine.

“You know, we could’ve just gone through the drive-through.” 

You looked at Bucky as he watched you take a bite of your quarter pounder. Then he watched as you sipped your Pepsi from across the booth you two had gotten. McDonald's wasn’t expensive. The two of you had debated on taking the drive-through since you had gotten to the museum in your car.

As usual, McDonald's was packed. There were sounds and yells of children and families around. To the normal person, the two of you probably looked like you were on a date. 

Which you were. But that didn’t matter at the moment. All that mattered was your precious quarter pounder, of which you had gotten two, with a side of large fries, chicken nuggets, and a Pepsi. 

And the honey mustard sauce. You had gotten ketchup for your fries. Bucky snatched a fry from your plate and ate it. You swallowed your food and glared at him. 

“Hey. I didn’t steal your food, mister. Don’t steal my fries.” You said. Bucky snickered as he ate his chicken nugget, dipping it in the honey mustard sauce first. 

“You’re right doll, the honey mustard sauce is good. Much better than the barbeque.” Bucky nodded with what he said. You snorted. 

“Don’t let Steve hear what you said. He’ll have your head.” You snickered. Bucky rolled his eyes. 

“The punk will get over it,” Bucky waved it off as you laughed. 

Then you heard your name being said. Bucky’s eyes narrowed. You turned your head at the familiar voice. 

Oh no. Your blood ran cold. Your hands might’ve gripped the table. You had stopped laughing. Your lips curled. It might’ve been a sneer.

Forcing a smile on your face, you swallowed the bile that had arisen in your throat. 

“Kyle. It’s been a while. How are you?” You asked, seeing Bucky’s controlled stature from across from you. 

You hadn’t told him about your ex-boyfriend. It was simply something you didn’t tell everyone. Only Sam and Natasha really knew what happened. After you had cried into a tub of ice cream with Natasha, you had called Sam and cried some more. Your best friend had howled in anger over the phone, and you heard some words like “the nerve of that bitch” and “As soon as I’m comin’ home, we’re going to the movie theaters baby mama.” 

To be fair, you and Sam had gone to see a movie. Not at the movie theaters though. Sam had PTSD like Bucky, so you didn’t want him to go to a place that would trigger it. So movie nights were extended to his or your apartments. 

“I got a job recently. My girlfriend’s waiting in the car.” Kyle replied. You nodded, still trying to keep the fake smile on your face. 

Thoughts were running through your mind. You could smell the food from his bag. Your quarter pounder forgotten. 

“This your boyfriend?” 

Now you felt like you wanted to vomit. Your eyes looked at Bucky. They were almost pleading. 

_Please don’t add fuel to the fire. Please don’t do anything rash._

“And you’re the ex-boyfriend?” 

Bucky didn’t mean to sound so cold. But really, you looked uncomfortable at the sight of the man in front of him. Bucky knew nothing of the dark-haired man with brown eyes that had just widened in surprise at Bucky’s tone. 

“Only because she didn’t sleep with me.” Kyle’s eyes jerked back at you. 

As if it was your fault. 

As if your relationship had shattered because you didn’t spread your goddam legs for him. 

It truly made Bucky feel enraged. So when he stood up, both you and Kyle nearly jumped. As Bucky stood in front of him, he said lowly, “She doesn’t have to sleep with you. She isn’t an object.” 

_“C’mon doll. We’re leaving.”_

  
  


Bucky knew how much you loved to eat. The two of you had packed the rest of your uneaten food and as soon as the two of you got in your car, you gave him your phone and he plugged it in. Britney Spears began to play. 

**_“Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game…”_ **

Your queen Britney was always good. God, you loved listening to her music so much. 

As Bucky drove through the streets of New York, you ate. Rain poured down. Luckily you had umbrellas in the trunk. So you were good on that end. 

You sipped your soda as the chorus bumped on. Bucky was surprisingly liking the music. Britney Spears wasn’t so bad. 

“Is it okay if we stay at my apartment?” Bucky asked. You gave a hum in response. 

That was a yes. 

“You wanna go to your apartment so you can get some clothes?”

“No. I’ll go back to my apartment in the morning. You have work, right?” You replied. At Bucky's nod, you continued, “I’ll drop you off tomorrow? I can go to my apartment right after.” You suggested.

That was fine by him. He nodded and continued to drive to his apartment complex. When the two of them found a parking spot in the garage of Bucky’s apartment complex, he shut off the engine. 

There was silence. 

Then Bucky broke it. 

_ “Why didn’t you tell me?” _

You had finished your food. Your soda sat safely in your cup holder. You were nice and full. 

But you were still thinking about the encounter. It had shaken you to the core. 

_ “I… I don’t like to talk about it. Only Sam and Natasha know.”  _ Your eyes lowered to look at the dashboard.

_ “Something people don’t tell you about being a demisexual is that… it’s on the ace spectrum. People on the ace spectrum, not all of us, but some of us feel like… we’re different. It makes us feel wrong. Like we should feel sexual attraction to people, but we can’t. I can’t feel sexual attraction because I need an emotional connection. I can’t… I can’t just sleep with anyone. If I could, I would’ve chosen anyone to do the list with. But I can’t.”  _

_ “That’s why I chose you. You’re the only one I feel an emotional connection with that I felt good enough to do this.” _

A hand came to rub your shoulder. 

And then the tears fell. You started crying. 

Bucky wasn’t a demisexual. He didn’t know what it felt like, to have that feeling of not feeling normal sexually. It was like an internal barrier that you had felt all your life, wanting to have sex, to have that private carnal feeling of intimacy like everyone else did, but you couldn’t do it unless you had an emotional connection. 

God did you hate it sometimes. 

“Come here, babydoll. Sit on my lap.” 

The gearshift was moved up as you made your way, nearly crawled onto Bucky’s lap. Tears were shining in your eyes as Bucky’s pads on his fingertips wiped them away. 

_ “Let it out doll. Let it out.”  _

And then you really started crying. Straddled on Bucky’s lap, you sobbed into his shoulder.

_ “... called me emotionally unavailable… said that since I was his girlfriend, I should’ve been ready to have sex with him.”  _

Bucky’s arms tightened around your waist. It allowed him to smell your body wash, the scent of magnolia filling his nose. 

_ “I punched him in the face. I broke up with him after that.” _

Bucky chuckled softly. You even smiled down at him, just a little bit.

That was his girl.

He wiped away the rest of your tears, seeing you beginning to smile again. 

There was the smile he loved so much. A gloved hand ran through your hair gently. 

“Feel any better, dollface?” He asked softly. You shook your head. 

“No?” Bucky replied, tilting his head a little. 

“No.” You replied quietly. Your hands went to his jeans.

Bucky understood. He understood completely. You scuffled out of your jeans. You only really needed to get one leg out, and you nearly tripped on your shoe. Bucky helped you out, and you heard a ripping noise as Bucky ripped off your panties and threw them on the floor, forgotten. Your hands clambered around in the dark, helping him out of his jeans.

With your hips held up, you slowly eased yourself down onto his cock, a soft little whimper leaving your lips as you felt yourself being pierced open by the head of his cock. Your inner muscles stretched out to accommodate his size, taking him inch by inch. 

It was good. Sex with Bucky was always good. It was what you needed after McDonald’s. The incident had drained you. 

But this?

This was going to make you whole again. Bucky’s hands found your jacket, shedding it off of you and tossing it on the floor. Your shirt and bra soon followed. So did his shirt. 

Holding you by your hips, Bucky thrusted up into you. A surprised moan came out from you. Through the darkness, Bucky smirked. You had to hold the side of the driver’s window to hold yourself upright.

Bucky thrusted up into you, pounding his cock up into the warm, snug pussy that was pure you. Your cunt was snug around his cock as his shaft smacked against your clit. Legs spread open, your wetness smeared all over his pelvis. 

All you could really do was sink your fingernails into his shoulders and hold on. Your tits bounced with every thrust, and you came when he took a nipple in his mouth, tongue swirling around the dark bud and sucked roughly. Your orgasm rushed through you as your walls clamped down onto his cock. Again and again, you climaxed. Bucky spoke filthy Russian words in your ear, making you sink your teeth into his neck, making him swear when he climaxed with you, over and over. 

Your legs stuttered as you sank down onto his length one last time, your last orgasm making you hear a ringing sound in your ears as you came with a muffled sob into his neck. 

“Mine,” Bucky hissed in your ear when he felt your walls tightening around him for the last time, “you’re mine doll.’

You heard him come with a strangled cry when he emptied himself inside you for the last time. 

For a while, the only thing you could do was breathe. Breathe and try to regain your surroundings. 

It was still dark out. It might’ve been close to eleven.

But as Bucky’s gloved hand stroked your hair again, like as if he was petting Alpine, you smiled down at him. The two of you shared a soft kiss. His flesh arm wrapped around your stomach, keeping you close. 

“Better?’ 

You smiled blissfully. 

“Better.”


End file.
